Sucks having no friends

[SarahEM]

I know there's another thread on this. Sorry. I just need to vent and have a little pity party. I see Facebook "friends" getting together and doing stuff and feel so jealous. I don't get invited and don't know how to make those connections.

One big problem is that some of these people irritate me, so I haven't always been super chummy, but now I wish I had, because it seems like it's necessary to have annoying friends if they are a connection to other people.

I live in a very rural area with few groups for my interests, but the whole friendmaking thing eludes me. Just sucks is all. And my profession is female dominated and everyone seems to want to be friends, and I have the approach to just go to work and get stuff done.

Thanks if you're still reading this. Please do not respond with advice. If you'd like to respond please keep it to what has helped you.

 

[SarahEM]

Sorry for being rude. Respond however you would like.

 

[asd8513]

It does suck not having friends. Im always jealous of my sister and her friends or other people on facebook doing stuff. I get super upset and sulky.

 

[Abe1]

I know the feeling of loneliness, and to be honest I don't think Facebook helps. People on there often say how good their life is, often they are exaggeration and often they are downright lying, to make their lonely lives sound more exciting.

I was on Facebook for a couple of years, and it really didn't help my depression, and I decided to leave, (typical avoidance behaviour), but if you are on Facebook, try not to takes comments to heart and some of the comment may not be true either partially or fully.

Besides you can make real friends on here.

Sorry - if I broke the no advice suggestion.

 

[camerartus]

You can be my friend.

 

[garnetflower13]

Ugh, FACEBOOK! I deleted my account because I found that being on there only accentuated the negative in my life. People would ignore me or talk around me, and over time I had people unfriend or block me for no reason that I could see. So I realized that nobody was forcing me to be on Facebook and I joyfully took my leave. But I can relate to feeling envy and even jealousy when I saw what others had and were doing. Now I don't know what others have and are doing, and I feel a lot better about my own circumstances. No advice to offer here, just sharing my own experiences!

 

[inabox]

Don't worry. It's a lonely world for most people. The term Facebook Friends does not always mean friends. Remember that on Facebook people can be "friends" even with an organisation! But the organisation has never even spoken to all their "friends".

What has helped me there is reminding myself that they are Facebook Friends. And people who have thousands of "friends" on Facebook, in my opinion, are deluded if they think they are all friends. Do they think ALL those people would help them out in a time of crisis, as a person would expect of a friend?.....

I personally have resigned myself to a life of having very few, or at times, no friends. So far friends have appeared in my life by chance. i have tried to actively make friends, but without any success.

I have met people by chance, without intentions of becoming friends. But then they know people.... who know people..... and there is potential for my friend network to grow.

By meeting people here and there and by being yourself, you may even meet people who'd be a friend worth keeping for many years That's what I've done.

The other thing that helps, as long as I am in the right frame of mind, is to tell myself not to worry. I'm not going to get any more friends if I come across as desperate or needy.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Pets and books. I survived on pets and books. And then mostly books. Pets don't live long. Especially near their natural predators.

 

[Nisk]

I was in a situation recently where I needed support but I hadn't really been involved in any of my friends lives for almost 7 years. I'd neglected all my friendships and started isolating myself. What I found out was when I reached out and called some of these people they were there for me regardless of the years. We just picked up our friendships like no time had passed.

 

[metalminx24]

I don't have any. It's not for want of trying. I'm just totally unlikeable.

 

[Suiseiseki]

Facebook is an outlet for my craziness, like just yesterday I wrote;
"Why do the people on the pizza boxes look so happy, why do they not pray for death or feel shame at being one of God's creations?"
I donno why that came into my mind and I am positive no one else did, but it's that weird dark humour I bring a lot of the times.
I am not close to my friends (geography or being single-and them being in relationships) I am rarely invited to anything, but I don't ask much either. I've become used to being on my own, for a little while I found it hard and couldn't enjoy my own company which was messed up, it was something I've done most of my life and people I wasn't very close to in the first place, in a way took that from me.
Well I've distanced myself and learned to enjoy myself on my own again... Yeah I prefer my own company in most every way.

 

[enmidford]

I tend to think of the word friend as something that will compliment me in my life, It brings to both parties calm and acceptance. We must try as Aspies to give ourselves more value, like a currency, always remember the more of you about the less value you are of not just to yourself but in being able to give as a true meaning of friendship.

Trust me when I say a person you want to know will make the effort with you when they see you in life, less is more, be totally yourself don't try to fit in with the theatre of life the whole thing of society is just one big hoax, you know better than this and your an expert in many ways, allow the world to pass by in its daily activities and events, I assure you the less effort and focus you place in this specific "Wanting" you will find that by focusing your abilities to groups of people that like your common interests and also are more chilled.

Facebook only attracts the most vacuous individuals in the world today, unless it's being used to make business or a genuine community to talk and debate etc.

All of you Aspies , your much better than most in the sense you have got bigger fish to fry never let other empty barrels in life affect your value.

My tip for the day and I hope it will help someone at least

It's not what someone says or even what they do, it's always about how they make you feel, this is very revealing to how you teach yourself how to manage in life better. Your most important friendship is in fact with yourself. When you practice that to be kind to yourself and patient and all those things, this will help you on the road to having nice friends on your life.

 

[paloftoon]

Do you live near a metropolitan area? If so, you can try a website like meetup.com. Just keep looking for different groups. If you aren't near a big city, might be worth moving to a bigger area. Keep looking. A lot of people these days are much more cruel in society I think, so it's just not easy. Don't let others' exclusiveness stop you from creating your own happiness. What they do doesn't affect you good or bad. There is nothing to be jealous of. Find your own way and find good people as much as possible, every opportunity you get.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Ah yes, the catch 22 of "these people are annoying and I don't want to spend time with them" and "but I want to have friends and am hurt by being left out by these annoying people" .

I solved this problem by cultivating friendships the few people I don't find annoying (met through a 'lets dress up as Tolkien characters and run around being idiots' club). Now whenever the people around me invite each other out and exclude me (you know, because I am **** at small talk and have very limited requirements for socialisation and so don't bother talking to them much, but still, please do your inviting somewhere which is not right in front of me, the one person you are excluding ) I just invite my friends (oh yeah I have 2 whole friends) over for a cup of tea. This allows me to feel warm and fuzzy and loved even though most people don't really like me much

 

[eonbus]

to all you guys with loneliness. i can be a friend if you want.

 

[camerartus]

Sorry for being rude. Respond however you would like.

You're not rude, just frustrated.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I live in a very rural area with few groups for my interests, but the whole friendmaking thing eludes me. Just sucks is all. And my profession is female dominated and everyone seems to want to be friends, and I have the approach to just go to work and get stuff done.

Yer I had and have the same approach to friends from work, but also how you go about being friends is either confusing or I'm just too scared of the likely excuses for rejection.

One big problem is that some of these people irritate me, so I haven't always been super chummy, but now I wish I had, because it seems like it's necessary to have annoying friends if they are a connection to other people.

Irritating friends can be a good thing though. They might ask you questions regarding topics you're not comfortable bringing up yourself and suddenly you have to talk about the lacklusture love-life they can perhaps help you with or explain for you. Or maybe they push you into the arms of a guy at the bar and in doing so he instead starts chatting with you (rather than just accepting your apology for bumping into you). Irritating friends are the ones likely to get you to do things you wouldn't normally do and help create the situations that start long running traditions or relationships. Just look at how Bilbo Baggins annoying dwarf friends helped him in 'The Hobbit; An unexpected adventure'. His life wouldv've been dreary without annoying dwarves to change it.

I don't think Facebook helps. People on there often say how good their life is, often they are exaggeration and often they are downright lying, to make their lonely lives sound more exciting.

I wouldn't say lying, but over-exaggerating (if just a matter of perspective) yes perhaps.

Besides you can make real friends on here.

For me personally they're contacts/acquaintances until you meet them in real life (like I have with one on here already).

over time I had people unfriend or block me for no reason that I could see.

That sucks and so many of those could be down to FB technical issues (like mine) or just people spring cleaning their facebook contact lists (thus your being blocked isn't personal).

Don't worry. It's a lonely world for most people.

More so aspies, but only because we're not geographically close enough, too afraid to be a child and simply say 'hey, will you be my friend?' or perhaps just a lack of aspie/autistic social groups. NTs have luck on their side, they live on a planet with 90% also being NT.

What has helped me there is reminding myself that they are Facebook Friends. And people who have thousands of "friends" on Facebook, in my opinion, are deluded if they think they are all friends. Do they think ALL those people would help them out in a time of crisis, as a person would expect of a friend?.....

Most add people arbitrarily or forget to delete old friends they fell out of contact with. All are acqaintances, but few of them are friends (I think most would admit it, if it wasn't an unspoken presumption to thos non aspies who don't overthink it).

I don't have any. It's not for want of trying. I'm just totally unlikeable.

Harsh sounding, partially true, but probably not unfixable. Sadly we can only judge ourselves by our previous successes and damn ourselves for the lack of others.

 

[pineman93]

it does suck,not having any to talk to play multiplayer games with, i do feel lonely sometimes,i have been planning or wanting to go out and socialize and maybe eventually make a friend or friends but not sure how to go about doing this,there were people who i would talk to relatively fairly in high school,but after i left not so much i having done some growing scince then, personally i though there were to many differences or just some like what we like to do for fun, so i don't think it would have worked out well, i always though i was kind of boring and though they might not have fun hanging out with me,speaking on my boringness i want to try more exciting things,but I'm afraid i might hurt myself or other people or brake something or just plain do something wrong, i have also been looking into clubs or groups for aspergers or social skills or just to make friends,by the way if you know any clubs or groups or want to talk let me know