Suddenly canceling plans

[Annaa]

I sometimes suggest to do things with people wich I don’t actually want to do but I feel like I have to do to make them feel better or to not disappoint them, I usually prefer just staying at home and doing nothing after a whole week of school or even just a day out with friends, so I really don’t want to do anything, but then I suggest something and I kind of can’t say I don’t want to do it anymore, because they soll be disappointed or annoyed do with me, since according to them "I do this all of the time" but I really don’t know when I feel like I can and when I am just feeling to tired to do anything, so I usually cancel it plans very suddenly and I know it’s kind of rude to do that, but I don’t want to have to force myself to go out and pretend to enjoy it, I kind of feel like I force myself to make plans with them because I was the one who suggested it, even tough I was feeling uneasy about making plans the whole time.
how do you explain to people that you really don’t have the energy to do something without them assuming that you’re depressed?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

If these are plans at some later date perhaps you can mention that they are contingent on how things are for you during the intervening time and say that you will check back closer to the event.

 

[VictorR]

It is okay to back out if that's what's best for you. You have to take care of yourself first.

I'm in a group where someone organized an event that they are going to be unable to attend, but several of us are going, and we have them to thank for setting it into motion

It is also okay to not say "yes" to everything that comes your way too.

 

[Thinx]

Yes I used to do this, but now I tend to have a minimal social circle so it doesn't often come up. People may be disappointed, and it does make it hard sometimes for more sociable friends to feel valued by us. I didn't understand that my ways related to high autistic traits or Aspergers then, maybe if I had I could have educated my friends about the issues. As it was, we tended to lose touch after a while.

 

[LuxLuca]

I can very much relate to this, I tend to make a lot of promises with friends that I already know I can't keep. I just don't want them to misunderstand and think I don't care about them. I realise that even though I am content with the amount of time we spend together, they certainly are not. It's social norms and what not, I often force myself to go anyway.. which is even more draining than it would've been if I actually wanted to be there. They just take it so personally, it makes me feel kind of broken.

I'd suggest to set a limit to the plans you'd make for them, just to make it a bit easier on yourself. Besides that communication is key I guess?