Surviving uni/college with AS?

[grapesicles]

Decided to post this because I noticed a few people mentioned that they've been in further or higher education and also have AS, and I'd love to hear stories about how you coped with it and got through it, or if you actually enjoyed it!

I'm currently in my 3rd year (or 4th, for me) of studying Fashion at uni. I should probably say I've only recently been diagnosed so I've never had learning support or extra funding. I chose the subject because I have a strong interest in the psychological side of fashion, ie. why people wear what they do, ideas behind it, etc. We did a lot of practical work in the 1st and 2nd years which I struggled a lot with, but glad that we don't have to do it for 3rd year. I was in a similar course and failed the 2nd year, then managed to get onto a very similar course at the same uni and just about passed their 2nd year last year. I also struggle with the independent learning aspect of the course and any kind of creative work, because we have probably 5 minutes of tutorials each week for each unit, yet are expected to think creatively and do our work by ourselves whilst being strictly graded on it. I don't always understand the instructions because they're so vague and it's so frustrating trying to get a straight answer from anyone about what we're supposed to be doing sometimes! I see a counselor every week at the moment, but we're only allowed up to 6 sessions for each 'problem' and I've just finished my 3rd. It's good to have someone to listen to problems and help organise ideas (something else I'm terrible at!) for solving them, especially if I'm panicking about something.

The second thing I find practically impossible is the social aspect. One of my main AS-giveaway traits is not having a clue when it comes to non-verbal communication, it's like I'm missing a sixth sense that everyone else seems to have - like I was born without a sense of smell or something. Being a Fashion course it's 100% girls - I've been on the course a year and a half now and haven't made a single friend. I talked to quite a few people on my old course but never became more than acquaintances with any of them. When discussing Asperger's with my GP she mentioned that girls use a lot of non-verbal social cues and that's probably why I don't have any close female friends, just several male friends I know from outside of uni. The classroom is always so noisy and the tutor has to shout at everyone to shut up, because they're always going on about how 'wasted' they got last night, parties they went to, how much weight they've lost, guys they 'fancied' - nothing I have any kind of interest in. I think lots of them take the course because it seems 'easy' to them and they don't have a strong interest in the subject. They've also called me 'gay' and 'lesbian' (even though I have a boyfriend) because I mentioned that a blogger the tutor was talking about was stunningly beautiful, and they organise class activities on the private facebook group, which I've asked directly to be invited to twice but they've ignored me both times. They've also done immature things like throw paper at me when we're passing notes along, or rudely shouting that I'm 'in their space' in the studio when they have plenty of room to work in. I don't really want to talk to them because they seem so boring and I have nothing in common with them, but it's kind of sad to me that I'll (hopefully) be leaving uni soon, but I won't have made any female friends.

Lastly, my living situation! My first year I moved into a shared house with 5 other people; that didn't go well. One of the girls was extremely aggressive: pounding on my door at 2am calling me a 'b*tch', leaving huge bags of rubbish outside my door while I was in bed so it'd fall into my room the next day, leaving passive-aggressive notes around the house containing various expletives about how much she hated me. The others in the house grouped together and decided to steal and damage my belongings and generally unpleasant. I believe this was because they all smoked in the house despite me being badly asthmatic and had all-night house parties on weekdays when I had to be up for uni the next morning, both of which I complained to the landlord for, and they'd said it was because I was 'boring' and wouldn't go out to clubs or drink with them when I had work to do and I'm intolerant to alcohol.

2nd and some of 3rd year I moved into a house of 2 girls and 3 guys, which was a lot more positive. I generally got on with them and one of the guys is still a good friend of mine. They were much more respectful and I didn't mind it too much. Until the other guy had a girlfriend practically living there who was rude and unpleasant to everyone and made living there miserable. At this point I was suffering with stomach pains from anxiety and had panic attacks in my sleep (horrible experience) so I moved out to live with my grandma where I live now.

I think this is the most preferable of my living situations to date! I'm sure a lot of you have similar grandmas: she likes to be independent but has trouble getting around and forgets things a lot, but becomes aggressive when you try to help and can be rude and condescending sometimes - which is a bit frustrating! I'm just glad I don't have the panic of paying so much rent and shared bills that I used to, and that my room is quite big and I only share the bathroom with my dad (he's here most days in the week) and any visitors, so it stays relatively clean. Best of all, no smokers, noisy house parties or unexpected drunk people! It puts me in a better position to save up for somewhere of my own which I would love to move onto asap.


At the moment, going into uni and struggling with work is making me miserable. I mentioned to a tutor before Christmas break about getting extra help with work after my diagnosis but I don't know if anything is currently being done about that. I hate being around these immature, annoying people and feel completely alienated from all of them and that I shouldn't have gone to uni at all because of all the problems it's caused for me (not to mention costs). I figured I should try my very best to pass this year just to be done with it all despite how much I hate it and my dad said he'd be extremely disappointed in me if I didn't finish it off. If I don't pass, I'll be relieved to be done with it at least, and pursue something else, maybe a different course or thinking about looking for a job.


Apologies for the incredibly long post, but since I'm kind of new I thought I'd explain my situation a bit!

So, how did you survive uni and education in general? Did you enjoy it or loathe it? Any tips or stories to share?

 

[Judge]

Considering the emotional pounding I took as a kid in grade and high school, I can only surmise that my relatively pleasant social experiences in college were thanks to some very kind souls I just happened to encounter at the right time and place. It also helped that I was no longer having to move from one end of the planet to another. Of course at the time I had no clue to being neurologically different to most other people...

 

[Ereth]

After I was diagnosed, I returned to school and tried my very best to use my new knowledge to better navigate the social landscape. Having other Aspies to talk to online helped too. I think everything got a little easier.

 

[Spinning Compass]

When I first started college many, many years ago, I and everyone around me was in "denial" about my condition. Sure, I had problems as a kid, but now that I was an adult those problems had been resolved. And, it's a long story I won't go into here, but at the time I did not have many options, mainly due to money and transportation problems. So I ended up starting at a large 4-year university when I probably would have been much happier at the local community college. What I recall of that time was that money and transportation were the biggest issues, rather than anything directly related to being on the spectrum.

As far as some of the things you describe, a lot can be ranked up to simple immaturity on the part of your fellow students. Community college in many ways can be an extension of high school. And, one thing I have noticed, is that students who work for their tuition tend to take their college experience much more seriously than those who have someone else pay. I would say that it is a pretty safe bet that if you are busting your behind at a minimum wage job just to make tuition, you aren't going to be joining the party-hearty crowd. Especially with the price per credit hour tuition is these days!

Quite frankly there are a lot of people in college who should not be there. They are there because someone told them they had to be there and they are just marking time until they get that all-important paper that says now they have a brain (like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz). They are there because someone told them this is the best or only way to get a decent-paying job.

I have a friend who has an autistic son who just completed his first year of college. His father worries constantly about his son's grades. Never mind that once you get out of the classroom you will never, ever be asked what kind of grades you made. Not that I am recommending it, but a "D" will still allow you to pass classes just as much as the higher grades. There is an old joke about what do they call the person who graduates last in his or her medical class? Doctor! What I find of more importance is WHY his son is going to school and what does he hope to accomplish by that. Getting a degree for a degree's sake is an awfully expensive deal and can saddle you with crippling debt for decades. My philosophy is this: if you are going to shell out that kind of money, make sure you get your money's worth by taking classes that will actually lead to better employment opportunities, unless you can afford a very expensive "personal enrichment" degree that looks nice on your wall. But that is my bias, being a working-class student who has had to struggle for almost everything I've achieved.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I never went to a university (I always wondered if I missed out on something- now I don't think so). I went to a community college for my ADN. Now I have to go back for my BSN and I'm again at a community college part-time. It's cheaper (I have no college debt - yet). My next step is going to be going to a university, but all of the classes will be online. I also work, so I need convenience when it comes to school. I will now, though, start having debt as the university classes cost considerably more. With me, I'm very competitive and when I'm in school that is my one obsession. During my entire time in college, I have made no friends. I get along in classes ok, but I do most of my classroom activities on my own. I don't know about other degrees, but nursing is very competitive and mostly women who "act" like they want to be your friend (especially if they know you are a good student), but they are very jealous and just want to use you for your academic abilities. I prefer to stay to myself and act cordial, but I don't go out of my way to make friends. I do much better on my own.

 

[MoCoffee]

I'm not sure how much my experience could help you, but here it is. I went to college when I was in my 30s, and didn't yet have an Asperger's diagnosis. I was extremely anxious all the time and couldn't accept getting less than perfect grades, but then something amazing happened. I learned I had a gift for teaching! I was able to pick up the course material very quickly - it was accounting - and since I had extra time on my hands, I would help some of the other students who were struggling. I was offered a teaching assistant position at the end of the course.

I think the main difference in what those of us who have succeeded in school is, is that we chose courses that worked with our abilities and limitations. I could never go into fashion for example, because I can't translate what I see in my mind into an actual form. I really wish I could, but I had to be realistic. I'm not saying you should have chosen another area of study, but that you need to work with your strengths, and get help with the areas in which you struggle.

One more thing....I always try to live by the Golden Rule, and treat others the way I want to be treated. I might not be able to understand the social mores, but I DO understand that people appreciate kindness.

Good luck in school!

 

[Tarragon]

Hmmm, I remember my uni days. Terrible time with living around other people. I left uni first time because of this, which was a tragedy because nobody knew about aspergers then, and I was made to feel like I was a failiures academically. Second time round, as a "mature" student I still didnt get on with other students, and even the lecturers(!) but got the MA. Not that it meant anything by then, I just wanted to get the piece of paper. Id given up on academia as much as the students themselves. Still no idea about aspie stuff. Only after experiencing problems in work too did I finally end up on the path to realise the problem.

Personally, I'd rather spend my life doing my own interests and stay away from academia. It's a con for a lot of subjects.

 

[Ruire]

the type of people in your classes may be due to the type of course you are taking, one of my old elementary school friends took fashion, and I know exactly what type of girl she is, and most of the people in her class too. They are not nice people... This is not the rule btw, some are excellent people. I know another person who is big on cosplay, and was on that tv show ummm forget what it's called, it was for fashion designers and its host was kelly ozbourne. XD she is awesome. "Dizzy Lizzy"

but most of the fashion students chose it because it went with their interests that are relevant to other interests. Parties, boys, make-up, etc. and you know what types of girls you are going to be getting in those classes. =/ I wouldn't socialize with those types of people.

 

[grapesicles]

I have a friend who has an autistic son who just completed his first year of college. His father worries constantly about his son's grades. Never mind that once you get out of the classroom you will never, ever be asked what kind of grades you made. Not that I am recommending it, but a "D" will still allow you to pass classes just as much as the higher grades. There is an old joke about what do they call the person who graduates last in his or her medical class? Doctor! What I find of more importance is WHY his son is going to school and what does he hope to accomplish by that. Getting a degree for a degree's sake is an awfully expensive deal and can saddle you with crippling debt for decades. My philosophy is this: if you are going to shell out that kind of money, make sure you get your money's worth by taking classes that will actually lead to better employment opportunities, unless you can afford a very expensive "personal enrichment" degree that looks nice on your wall. But that is my bias, being a working-class student who has had to struggle for almost everything I've achieved.

I actually laughed at the doctor joke it's very true! In my experience for the few jobs I've had, employers tend to care much more about your character and whether you're the kind of person they can put up with for 40+ hours a week, rather than having a 1st over a 2:1. I got average GCSE results and bad A-level results, but no one's ever refused me an opportunity based on my grades so far.

I absolutely agree with making the most out of the experience and making the most of what they offer - like guest speakers, workshops, free materials. I do like the library and online resources we have access to, it's amazing that certain ones would cost an individual thousands a year to have access to, yet it's all included in the tuition fees.

 

[grapesicles]

I'm not sure how much my experience could help you, but here it is. I went to college when I was in my 30s, and didn't yet have an Asperger's diagnosis. I was extremely anxious all the time and couldn't accept getting less than perfect grades, but then something amazing happened. I learned I had a gift for teaching! I was able to pick up the course material very quickly - it was accounting - and since I had extra time on my hands, I would help some of the other students who were struggling. I was offered a teaching assistant position at the end of the course.

I think the main difference in what those of us who have succeeded in school is, is that we chose courses that worked with our abilities and limitations. I could never go into fashion for example, because I can't translate what I see in my mind into an actual form. I really wish I could, but I had to be realistic. I'm not saying you should have chosen another area of study, but that you need to work with your strengths, and get help with the areas in which you struggle.

One more thing....I always try to live by the Golden Rule, and treat others the way I want to be treated. I might not be able to understand the social mores, but I DO understand that people appreciate kindness.

Good luck in school!

Thank you

I absolutely agree!

 

[theduckrabbit]

College was a disaster for me. I had semesters on the dean's list and I had semesters I failed because I couldn't deal with the stress. I graduated but it was about the most miserable years of my life. Things may have been different if I had been diagnosed. Schools are required to provide accommodations. Still, the social isolation was awful and I wouldn't go back to those days for anything.

I would not discourage someone with AS from going to college but if you do, take your time and take advantage of any programs they offer. Do not be afraid to ask for help. In college you have to be proactive and advocate for yourself. Nobody is going to hold your hand at that level. Good luck, it is really, really hard.


Sent from my iPhone using AspiesCentral.com

 

[redbee11]

I have had mixed success in higher education. It got better once I learned that I could get accomodations for my "disability". I get extra time during exams, a separate private room for exams, get to listen to my mp3 player during testing and I can leave class without question if needed. This term I am getting my first "A" ever in math, for whatever reason I understand it better this time.

 

[theduckrabbit]

I have had mixed success in higher education. It got better once I learned that I could get accomodations for my "disability". I get extra time during exams, a separate private room for exams, get to listen to my mp3 player during testing and I can leave class without question if needed. This term I am getting my first "A" ever in math, for whatever reason I understand it better this time.

I would almost want to do it over knowing my diagnosis because it was so hard for me testing in an auditorium with 200 coughing, noisemaking people and the rest of it...almost.

 

[LgndKllr24]

My college experience was a mixed bag, it started out pretty rough at times but ended well. My first year, I lived in a dorm, and I really hated it. I didn't have a roommate for much of the time, but I hated the shared spaces, like the bathrooms. For a couple days, I had a total jerk for a roommate who was very disrespectful to me and I was miserable. Thankfully, he was moved to another room. With my school work, I had the wrong major for me, which was meteorology. I was terrible at chemistry and physics, and was heading in the wrong direction.

Thankfully though, I ended up switching majors and met a few cool people who I ended up becoming friends with. We ended up moving into an on-campus apartment starting my second year, and my living arrangement was way better. I had to go an extra year due to switching majors, but I just moved back in with my parents and commuted my final year. The only time I had a bad experience in general was my first year, but after that, things got better.

 

[Vanilla]

Hmm, uni is starting to prove to be much more challenging than I had initially anticipated. I'm still determined to see it through, but thought I'd share how much of a speed bump I'm facing right now.

So far I've been doing really well. I managed assignments fine, and my previous lecturer loves me (I sense a fellow Aspie in him ). I have 3 new lecturers in this new trimester now though, and the uni's recently changed it's course structure, so that the way that they teach is different.

It's designed to force students to network with each other, and work in groups; not just in your own discipline, but with those in others. Also, there's no structure to the projects; we have to come up with one, find a group, and pitch the project idea. Makes me feel a little sick in the stomach just thinking about it. While it does give me an opportunity to learn how to network (which is better learnt at uni, than in a job), it's a daunting process. Just hoping I'll be able to handle it.

 

[Judge]

It's designed to force students to network with each other, and work in groups; not just in your own discipline, but with those in others. Also, there's no structure to the projects; we have to come up with one, find a group, and pitch the project idea. Makes me feel a little sick in the stomach just thinking about it. While it does give me an opportunity to learn how to network (which is better learnt at uni, than in a job), it's a daunting process. Just hoping I'll be able to handle it.

I understand your apprehension. It is daunting. I went through such a process in some college classes as well. You seem to project a very positive attitude about so much here. For what it's worth, I think you'll succeed in this.

 

[Vanilla]

I understand your apprehension. It is daunting. I went through such a process in some college classes as well. You seem to project a very positive attitude about so much here. For what it's worth, I think you'll succeed in this.

Thanks Judge

I'm feeling a little better about it today. Think it was just the initial shock that overwhelmed me. Just easing in to it.

 

[Daniel]

I did a semester at university living in residence, and I quit after Christmas because my roommate was a selfish, pot-dealing douchebag. (And I liked pot, but he barely ever shared. It sucks when some guy is knocking on your door at three in the morning 'cause he wants to score some smoke, and your roommate is gone for the night.) I also didn't like my classes, and I realized I was just there because it was 'what you do'.

So I did manual labour jobs for a year and a half, and then I went back and got my Bachelor's when I found a program I actually was interested in. I was lucky to spend my first year in a house full of introverted immigrants. Then my future wife moved in, and we lived in a place of our own for the last two years.

I grew disillusioned with my program after the first two years, but stuck it out to get my degree. I remember overhearing some girl tell another girl, "he's smart, but he's, like, stupid". I understand what that meant now--I didn't get the whole social thing. I wasn't there to make friends; everyone else was. I wasn't there to talk to girls.

I didn't know I was on the spectrum. In retrospect, I was quite arrogant, especially as a twenty-something who thinks he knows everything. I was a good enough student that I was hired to teach tutorials. Geez...looking back, I feel sorry for some of those poor kids! Connecting with them was not what I was interested in. I would do it a lot differently now.

 

[Berianireth]

I loved and hated college. I was frequently accused of being an attention seeking unhealthy perfectionist, and I was rarely even aware that I was drawing attention to myself with my "routine". I also struggled living on campus... I had a "medical" single room my first couple of semesters, and amazingly no one knew that I didn't just get it for fun. Not too many people bothered me about it either, and they would usually just ask how I managed to always secure myself a single room since they were determined by lottery at my university. I had some trouble with noise levels my first semester and got very out of my comfort zone at a few points but I eventually developed coping strategies (ear plugs!). I was harassed by one of my suitemates one semester, but I think it was complete coincidence that she did something to me... it definitely wasn't ASD related.
I DID have trouble convincing the resident assistants that I wasn't a dangerous sociopath. I never attended their events, and for whatever reason this really messed with them. If you live on campus and your university has a similar arrangement it might be a good idea to tell your residence hall staff that you have an ASD and ask them how they can accommodate you during programming events. I know they usually like people to attend at universities that have a lot of community programming events, so you may have to work with them a little.

 

[reveric15]

I stayed in my hometown for college, which was good because I lived at home where I was understood. I had some friends from high school, all who stayed in town, so I didn't have to try to make new friends. So I could go to class and do the school thing, then leave and do whatever else. And I majored in what I wanted and was really good at, Spanish, so school was always a positive experience.