Taking Things Too Seriously

[AustinTheAspie]

Howdy. Guess who's back? I need to ask the AC community for some advice on not taking things so seriously, and how to be less emotional and over-reactive. I find that I get offended by some things very easily. But here's the thing: I'm afraid that if I stop taking things too seriously, I'll come off as ignorant and skeptical. I want to be the guy who can take a joke, have a laugh, and be assertive at the same time, but my sensitivity gets the best of me. Also, I find that everything directed towards me is a personal attack for whatever reason...what's wrong with me? Could it be my autism, or my traumatic past that's made me so sensitive? Any advice helps, like I always say.

 

[Sylar]

I don't know about your traumatic past so I can't say anything about that. But if you want to stop being so sensitive and reactive and take a joke I'd suggest taking small steps in the right direction. Self-deprecating jokes are a good start, they're jokes at your own expense and allow people to laugh with you, not at you. Then you can take more steps like allowing people to add on to the jokes, that way you can get used to those comments while still being in charge and knowing it isn't a genuine insult or attack. After opening yourself up to that for a while you'll be used to the feeling of taking those jokes and also aiming jokes at others.

It's just a process of changing your thoughts. Creating and sharing humour with others allows you to take things that might usually get a negative response from you and see them in a different light.

 

[The Penguin]

I want to be the guy who can take a joke, have a laugh, and be assertive at the same time, but my sensitivity gets the best of me. Also, I find that everything directed towards me is a personal attack for whatever reason...what's wrong with me?

I have this trouble myself. These types of things is why I prefer being a hermit.

 

[Keigan]

@AustinTheAspie ,

You have many things going on in your original post.

I'll start with my experiences;

For leverage on yourself towards being a man and a better person, each time that defensiveness or emotions get the best of you your reactions demonstrait to the world that you do not have self-discipline in all areas of your life. Notice how I said "in all areas" as I am operating under the assumption that you do have self-discipline in some areas of your life - use the 'what' and 'how' within areas of self-discipline as examples and extend those skills into other areas where you react rather than respond.

Your primary objective needs to have a mindset of response, not of reaction. Reaction is usually emotional and instant, learning how to respond requires patience, pause, reflection, strategizing and then delivery of your response. People will actually notice you taking a moment to think your way through a response, this is a good thing as they struggle to respond also - over time it gets easier to respond and not react. One of my most influential responses is "let me get back to you" - and I do.

Any person can provide an instantaneous reaction that adds no value. Maturity and experience are demonstrated by taking a moment to reflect and respond - that is a charactoristic of a good leader that people will follow.

If you are defensive, or you are reactive - then you reflect poorly upon yourself. So, each time you feel a button of emotion or defensiveness being pushed, pause and say nothing, walk away with a smile on your face as you know you are about to dissect the "why" you feel the way you feel so you can gain power and influence over that which triggered the emotion and defensiveness. Each time a button is pushed, you have the opportunity to learn about yourself and how you interact with your environments.

It does not matter what happened in the past, all that matters is how you make things happen in the now and future.

Everything from your past is an experience to help you be a better person now and in the future.

Give yourself the greatest gift, by working to be accountable for being a man and a leader.

 

[Keigan]

One more thing.

One individual does not reach the finish line by themselves, it takes a team, a community, partnerships - which means there has to be compromise and flexibility - which means that the finish line might move as compromises are adopted.

Be gentle, be flexible.

 

[nowwhat]

Howdy. Guess who's back? I need to ask the AC community for some advice on not taking things so seriously, and how to be less emotional and over-reactive. I find that I get offended by some things very easily. But here's the thing: I'm afraid that if I stop taking things too seriously, I'll come off as ignorant and skeptical. I want to be the guy who can take a joke, have a laugh, and be assertive at the same time, but my sensitivity gets the best of me. Also, I find that everything directed towards me is a personal attack for whatever reason...what's wrong with me? Could it be my autism, or my traumatic past that's made me so sensitive? Any advice helps, like I always say.

Here's some help: Nobody gives a rip about how you feel, how what they say affects you, how your day is going, or whether you live or die. Seriously. They might want a reaction, or to feel good about themselves for something they said. They might want to make a point. But they are not thinking of you, your feelings, your goals, your life, or the effects of their actions on you. So, why should you make much of it? You will be a fool every time you do so. The only reason you will continue to take things seriously, to take offense, to become hurt, angry, to react, is because you get something out of it. Nobody else gives a whit.