Talking To Myself

[SimonSays]

This is the "talking to myself" thread. Anyone who talks to themselves is welcome to share here. This is an audio recording I made. Don't know why this memory came to me suddenly. I felt to talk about it out loud as I was walking in the park. And I recorded it.

Painting My Face

 

[SusanLR]

Sobbing for the feeling the attention and care the little girls showed, IMO, shows you do want
to feel love, but, the connection just doesn't happen?

I never wanted children of my own, yet when I've had to attend gatherings in the past,
I found myself enjoying the company of being with young children because I felt I fit in and
could let my inner child out to play.

The company of the adults and what they sit around talking about was boring and didn't interest me.
I wonder if this is more prominent with ASD?
It seems many want an adult romantic relationship or someday even marriage.
But, a lot of us don't. We speak of emotional arrest around age 13 or less. I don't know.

 

[SimonSays]

Sobbing for the feeling the attention and care the little girls showed, IMO, shows you do want
to feel love, but, the connection just doesn't happen?

Yes. It doesn't happen, or not for long, or not in the way I imagined it to be.

I found myself enjoying the company of being with young children because I felt I fit in and
could let my inner child out to play.

Exactly. I am the same. I much prefer being around children and playing with them. Yesterday, just after I made that recording, I was sitting on a bench and a grandfather with his granddaughter stopped. He was riding a bike, she had her little scooter, and he sat down on the bench while she ran around and played. "Grandad, grandad come over here let me show you something." He didn't get up. She came over encouraging him to go and play and I knew that if he did, go into her world and let it be what they did, it would connect them in a way that would make a difference, but he couldn't imagine it because he never did it. He had forgotten what it was like to play as a child.

Then, she suggested he go round the park one way and she'd go round the park the other and they would meet back at this bench. It was only a small park and sounded like a good idea, and if my daughter had said that to me at her age, I would have agreed and set off.
"You can't go too far from here, you have to stay with me." He said with fear in his voice. Another opportunity to play with her on her own level, show her that there was nothing to be afraid of in this lovely small park and that it would make her feel more grown-up taking responsibility. She replied okay you stay here then and off she went. It didn't take him long to feel the need to get back on his bike go after her the fear was too much for him. This all comes from not playing with your granddaughter. I've seen this many times before.

The company of the adults and what they sit around talking about was boring and didn't interest me.
I wonder if this is more prominent with ASD?

I think it might be. I generally don't want to talk about what they consider to be grown-up stuff. And the strange thing was, when I was a kid, the grown-ups around me would not allow me to hear their grown-up stuff. But every so often I might catch a bit of it, and I realised they were struggling with things that I seemed to have some awareness of. Children were seen and not heard back then and there was nothing I could say that they would even begin to listen to. But I knew if I had said something I would have helped the situation, offered an alternate perspective that they had not imagined. But they were the grown-ups and I was a child, and in their world, what did I know?

 

[Misery]

The company of the adults and what they sit around talking about was boring and didn't interest me.
I wonder if this is more prominent with ASD?
It seems many want an adult romantic relationship or someday even marriage.
But, a lot of us don't. We speak of emotional arrest around age 13 or less. I don't know.

Aye, this does seem to be the case I think.

I know I'm that way. No I dont want to hear all the stupid gossip or hear about some dumb scandal in some political circle or what some stupid celebrity did, or whatever dumb things are being yapped about among the "adults".

What really gets me about so much of it is that a lot of what is discussed sounds so absurdly childish that it makes the stuff actual kids talk about sound supremely mature. Particularly politics. And anything that even slightly has to do with social media.

Also doesnt help that most of them... at least most of the adults around me anyway... have zero creativity in their lives. Like none at all. It's either work, or listen to a bunch of overpaid talking derps on some news channel so they can hear about whatever ***!!!DRAMATIC OMG EXCITING PICS STAY TUNED FOR MORE ADS!!!*** thing is going on in the news reels.

And then they add alcohol to it which is just... that's a whole other topic.

Being around them though when they're in talky mode though, it's just this constant urge to facepalm, and if I did it hard enough to really do the whole thing justice, the shockwave would blow out a wall.

Probably one of the reasons why I have so much trouble making friends at all: Because if they arent "childish" in a similar way to myself, we wont get along... simple as that.

And as for romance, just... no. Nope, nope, nope... nope.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I used to ring Kristy every lunch time as I walked through the woods to go staffing in the park. Now that I don't do that anymore, I notice I talk to myself under my breath the whole way there and back.

I think when I buy my own flat, I'm going to end up talking to myself even more.

Ed

 

[Gift2humanity]

No man is an island.

We are a social species, this does not mean we have to keep the company of unsuitable people, there are people out there with our interests.

I am a very deep thinking person who (unfortunately) later in life, has taken an interest in the cosmos, the one-ness, but I also want to sit among people, and practice listening to them, to kill old bad social habits, to learn about social interaction.

OK its stuff I should have learnt as a kid but I have the opportunity now.

I have a group of friends, some of them also like to be alone, one takes himself away for mini breaks to the coast, alone, he loves it, he is the group entertainer, he should have a YouTube channel he is so talented, he used to perform and played extras on TV shows, a natural entertainer, anyway, he honours his inner introvert as that is what he is at heart.

We make jokes about him, he takes them on the chin.

I had problems these friends could not help with, yet I needlily repeated them over and over, no wonder they had to disengage.

One day I decided I could not live with the chaotic mess in my home and needed to tidy up.
There was no floor space.

I had no mental energy and I decided that the only way I could tidy up was to relapse on opiate painkillers.

It used to take me 15 of these pills to feel anything from them, I took two and got the same effect.

As the drugs arrived late, I was limited as to what I could do that day, I took 3 the following day.

Then, I gave the other 5 away, but still plugged away at the tidying.

I like my walks out alone in decent weather, of which we have had not much, but I also like company. Staying in depresses me.
I would like to meet people on a high vibration, or, if I meet abusive people, learn rich lessons from them, as badly behaved people have gifts for us as well as good.

I met such a person, I've known them years, I put up with abuse and forgave them a few times, I learnt a bit more about how to handle abuse, I learnt how to have a neutral relationship with them, our town is small, while I do no good from a relationship with someone who loses their temper when you try to assert yourself, I don't want awkwardness, so I struck a happy medium, a "hello" when I see them, no need to vibe with people who wish to stay lower, this person taught me a lesson, she was a mirror for me., in the sense that we were both needy.

We do need people, isolating in my flat could have had me deciding to believe opiates was the only reason for living.

 

[watersprite]

@SimonSays It’s very interesting & nice to hear a post apoken rather than the usual.

Spoiler: “talk rant”

It’s brought to my attention how I failed and failed again at talking especially and drastically with him. I always said too much. He could not understand why I needed so much information and detail about things. Knowing why someone says it or how they came to feel the importance of an issue. What is the connection and what is the meaning, the import, where is the way forwsrd to some positive outcome? Etc.
I failed because I did not want to chat about information which couldn’t be proven. No. I don’t want to hear, again, how frightened we all should be.
To me there is no point to draining the energy from a fine day with all those grown up issues, when one could be enjoying something beautiful or being creative or almost anything but that.

Now. I get up out of bed I talk softly, outloud to myself, “I love you. Let’s get some tea and bteakfast.”

 

[OkRad]

You have a wonderful voice. I like the idea of talking to yourself and leaving them like diaries. Do they help?

 

[SimonSays]

You have a wonderful voice. I like the idea of talking to yourself and leaving them like diaries. Do they help?

Thank you.

Yes they do help. Sometimes after I've made a recording, especially if it's a deep one, I listen to it back and it feels like I'm listening to it for the first time, not having been the person who just spoke about it.

It's interesting to talk to myself, and often, it helps me understand something in a way that writing about it never quite does.

 

[SimonSays]

The Automated Background To Life

 

[Wolfsage]

So if you yell in a canyon and hear the echo wouldn't that be you yelling at yourself? Or is it still considered talking just loudly.

 

[Gift2humanity]

The Automated Background To Life

I like how you can let the words come out in real time in an articulate way.

I don't agree that you were ignoring the fact that you were approaching homelessness, or buying your head in the sand.
6:34 onwards.
Maybe you knew it was coming, you could do nothing about it, so you touched in on it, but what else could you do?
Nothing.

We can be at peace with things weighing on us, we all deserve peace, we should not exclude ourselves from it because real world problems are weighing on us.

What about all the prisoners who do mediation? They have constant threats weighing on them, well, some of them, I would like to think mediation benefits them.

I read Milarepa killed lots and attained spiritual heights.
I also read Saul who later became Paul did, he murdered as well. I don't know a lot about these two, and you are not a murderer, but these two must have had a lot weighing on their minds.

I remember a homeless man who said that when he was out, nature was his TV, that was a lovely thing to say.

Think of the prisoners on death row, who attain solace. I know only 2% of them get executed, but they are not in nature, and I am not sure if they know whether or not they will be put to death.

Problems demand your attention, but some of them just have to be accepted as "Things that will happen" or "Things that happened" and we can say, no matter what happens, bad or good, we can be at peace, just like Viktor Frankl in the concentration camp.

What about all the walks you have had this year in the nature reserve?

Yeah, nice noises, people playing music in the midst of the hustle and bustle in town.

 

[watersprite]

@SimonSays
You’ve got the kind of voice that’d be good for audiobooks.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I've got headphones so I can talk to myself, I have a voice recorder app too.
My voice just needs to come down a couple of octaves, and it needs to slow down and lose the energy of foreboding from fear of the uncertain future I have.

This can be gained through bodywork, which will enable me to be present no matter how horrible or nice that present moment is.

Not brave enough for YouTube yet though.

 

[unperson]

I'd be vary careful about engaging with children. Parents are very possessive of their kids and rightly so. I used to be a bit of a 'kiddie magnet', when they're like under 8, they can gravitate to autistic people because they pick up on the childlike thing in autistics and presume it's 'normal'. It's not.

Those same 8 year olds would despise and reject us if they had the maturity to do so.

These days I brush interest from kids off asap. It's what their parents want. You shouldn't encourage them to approach and talk to a stranger, it's in their own best interests not to do that. It's not some kids job to witness the emotional incontinence of an autistic stranger, however therapeutic you may have found the experience. Naive kids as therapy is asking for trouble.

 

[Sabrina]

I wrote this for me...

 

[AspieOtaku]

I talk to myself all the time, it helps me keep track of things and with nobody to talk to i talk to myself more.

 

[SimonSays]

I talk to myself all the time, it helps me keep track of things and with nobody to talk to i talk to myself more.

Have you ever tried recording it? Just to see what it sounds like?

 

[AspieOtaku]

Have you ever tried recording it? Just to see what it sounds like?

No i havent but i get my episodes of pallalia saying to myself i cant wait to payday even though it passed and echolalia repeating what others say to myself, its probably a bad idea if i had a parrot id copy it back and the bird would squak id copy the squaks too and he or she would be frustraited lol

 

[unperson]

I get confused about what actually happened/was said if I go over conversations too much, but it's hard not to.