Tantrum Issues

[Geordie]

How can I better manage my anger? It seems that whenever things are going against my way, I will just be angry at everybody, including best friends and family. I am scared --- you have any techniques that helped?

(I am writing this just to learn more and I will try your methods slowly)

 

[Ferdinand]

Same here. Sucks, really.

 

[Droopy]

Depends what you're getting angry at. Talking to someone might help.

Alternatively, you could try thinking positively and looking on the bright side of things. It sometimes works for me.

 

[katcha]

I find that isolating myself, immersing myself in music and stimming to my hearts content tends to work wonders.

 

[superboyian]

This was an issue I always had ever since I was a chilld, its improved alot ever since I do things to release my frustrations, I just normally punch my pillows which normally helps, I don't really get frustrated much.

Take 10 deep breaths, it might actually help?

Normally I also take a good fresh air, it kinda helps for me, works more on a sunny day (unfortunately its the complete opposite today). :skeptical:

Anyways, hopefully that should help?

 

[Kit]

When I get angry, I start throwing insults because stupidity is what gets to me. People not seeing my side or getting my point of view or understanding me or listening. And I don't even know when I say hurtful things when I am very upset.

 

[Geordie]

When I get angry, I start throwing insults because stupidity is what gets to me. People not seeing my side or getting my point of view or understanding me or listening. And I don't even know when I say hurtful things when I am very upset.

I also do the same... Though I think taking deep breaths or thinking positively help.

 

[Droopy]

When I get angry, I start throwing insults because stupidity is what gets to me. People not seeing my side or getting my point of view or understanding me or listening. And I don't even know when I say hurtful things when I am very upset.

I sometimes do that as well.

 

[Cazzie]

when i get angar i end up
throwing stuff a cross the room (not the best thing todo)
or shuting swaring...
it helps me but not the best!!!

then after that i sit on the foor

 

[whale_bone]

I try and shift my attention to observing and analyzing the feeling or the dynamics at hand. But yeah ultimately getting out of there and finding a safe place to stim is what helps.

 

[MissConstrue]

I had to take a lot of anger management courses because of this problem. It eventually got out of control and much of it was self inflicted while some of it was inflicted onto other people.

I'm not saying you're like me but you might want to try and seek help for asap before it "might" get out of control. Mostly mine was due to depression, being undiagnosed, and trouble with communication. It really did help me learn that I do have the ability to control it but I had to learn what the trigger was and I'm sure that's hard for most of us on the spectrum, to identify an emotion or reason for why we're feeling that certain emotion.

 

[KinksFan]

It helps when I count to 10, and than remove myself from the explosive situation.

 

[LittleTigger]

I know what triggers me, peple being mean to me,
I just can't control it when it happens.

Online I spew computer errors over and over and
over filling a whille page, posablye a whole thread
over and over and the mod might have to stop me
for a while until it burns out.

In regular life I throw thins and cry and slam dores
and scream if they was mean enuf.

I cannot stop this unless I just avoid mean peple.

So I avoid them.

 

[evilpinkdinosaur]

I get angry if someone doesn't understand me or annoys me.
I stare at the wall and play with my fingers.
When I was a child, I wasn't aloud to do that, so I had to listen to my mother yell at me, and sometimes, yell at me for not making eye contact. :-(
My mom won't let me do anything except deep breaths which never helps me. Now that I live alone, I can do anything, but I don't get angry that often because no one is here to annoy me or not understand me.

 

[Spinning Compass]

I used to have tantrum issues because I was frustrated and powerless. I didn't know how to achieve power. I still don't and I am in my 50's. But I am learning. I read everything I can get my hands on about effective communication and how to handle stressful situations because I am in a job that absolutely does not allow meltdowns.

One thing that helped me (and I am not promoting a religion here) is Buddhism's concept of suffering being caused by clinging to wants and desires. It took me a long time to grasp this concept. I wasn't ready to "let go." It's a hard thing to explain, but basically, one thing I've noticed about those of us on the spectrum is that we tend to cling to things. We can be very rigid, some of us more than others. If things aren't just right, it throws us in a tizzy. Well, what I understand Buddha as saying is that as long as you insist on living that way, you are going to be unhappy because life doesn't work that way. Life is always changing. When I start getting upset or stressed I start looking around for the source of that unhappiness. What am I trying to hold on to? What am I so worried about? For example I get stressed because I am in a very deadline-driven job, and I don't like to miss deadlines. So I will tie myself in knots thinking about all these deadlines instead of maybe seeking help with them. Because I am too attached to the idea of control, of me doing it all myself. I realize this is not easy to do. But I have found that by letting go of things, I can handle things better (or at least my boss says so).

 

[Arashi222]

I always thought I was the only one that did this. I still do this sometimes. Though I have learned more to direct my anger inward rather than scream at people. But when something hits me wrong its usually when I feel someone isn't being understanding or getting that I am just not getting it or when I get to the point where I am so frustrated that I can't function anymore it tends to spew out onto others by crying and throwing things and me trying to explain. I have been known to throw things and and slam doors and be hysterical though not lately. Usually now I just go into meltdown mode and sob hysterically and stomp my feet and jump up and down...(not becoming for a 30yr old) but I can't help it if it gets to that point. I usually try to head it off by walking away or or going to do something that I enjoy doing. Or something

 

[ravendragonwing]

any tips on what to do while at work to stop a meltdown?
I tend to get explosive when having a meltdown (never against people, just chairs, glassware, etc)
people at my work are trying to provoke me into a meltdown and they do so when no one else is around, so they cannot be "blamed" and I look bad for having a meltdown.
there is change going on a work, so I am already stressed out
going outside, taking deep breaths do not work for me and finding a quiet place to stim is not an option (no place to do this)........and heaven forbid if I do anything at work but work or socialize....(ie, no video games, coloring, etc)
hmmmmm...I wonder if they will let me play with the Wii (yes we have one at work)
thanks in advance

 

[Harpuia]

I always thought I was the only one that did this. I still do this sometimes. Though I have learned more to direct my anger inward rather than scream at people. But when something hits me wrong its usually when I feel someone isn't being understanding or getting that I am just not getting it or when I get to the point where I am so frustrated that I can't function anymore it tends to spew out onto others by crying and throwing things and me trying to explain. I have been known to throw things and and slam doors and be hysterical though not lately. Usually now I just go into meltdown mode and sob hysterically and stomp my feet and jump up and down...(not becoming for a 30yr old) but I can't help it if it gets to that point. I usually try to head it off by walking away or or going to do something that I enjoy doing. Or something

Wow... I thought I was the only one that did this... But I thought that was more a depression issue than an Asperger's, especially recently. A girl I used to date long distance who I knew for 2 1/2 YEARS and didn't want to see me or even call me decided to meet her new b/f RL. Asked for a reason why, got in a fight, and she called me a "retard beta" and that I'm not a real man and I just have kind of been out of it since. Been wanting to hide from people socially even though my psych tells me I should go out there more. I just randomly melt down now or shout random things that seem to just snap in my mind all of a sudden...

 

[shinyedge]

I rarely express my anger at people I know, but sometimes I really lose it with total strangers. Mostly road rage, especially if I think the person behind me is trying to pressure me to go faster than the speed limit. It seems as if I am more likely to lose it if I am feeling stressed in other parts of my life. If I could learn to communicate and be more assertive with the people I knew, I think it would reduce the overall sense of frustration.

I took the Dale Carnegie Course many years ago. It is best known for its fifth lesson that has people beating on tables with rolled up newspapers and screaming at the tops of their lungs. But I think a lot of people miss the point of the lesson, which is that afterward we were able to talk calmly and more rationally about things that made us angry. The assignment was to come to class prepared to give a two-minute speech about something that makes us angry. I think I was not alone in feeling that it was not going to be easy to stay focused and level-headed, but it was a lot easier after the shouting session. So the point was that if you can find a way to vent your anger in private first, you can stay calmer when talking with someone.

It might be even better--considering that it was a group session in the class--if you could agree ahead of time to have a joint shouting session with whomever you want to confront--family members, co-workers, etc.--where you all scream yourselves silly about something neutral or a common stressor. Actually, I really like that idea now that I think about it. I can picture retail workers or help desk workers having a scream fest before opening time, where everyone vents about the stupid customers. Or spouses could yell about their stupid neighbors or their kids' teachers or that they canceled Desperate Housewives before facing off about their issues with each other.:lol:

OK, back down to earth. The Carnegie class had people yelling something nonsensical, and that is probably better than yelling about things that make you mad.

 

[BlueChapel]

The answer, my friend, is a bit of pot. Find a strain that works for you, that doesn't give you a panic attack, and smoke daily.

GABA also helps. It's also more legal.