Telling The Kids - I’m Scared

[rach3rd]

So this Wednesday I will go over my test results with the doctor. After that I have to think about telling my two boys. My wife (NT) and parents already know. One boy is a junior in college and the other a senior in high school. The oldest has many autistic characteristics, is diagnosed with ADHD and has Crohn’s disease. The high school senior seems NT as far as I know. I don’t want to scare my kids, but I think they have the right to know. Especially since autism often runs in families. Any recommendations on the best way to handle it would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Suzette]

Your kids are nearly adults. Your oldest is very familiar with being a little different from most of his peers and your youngest is very familiar with his brother being different too. They both probably already know you are "different" too.

Between us my husband and I have 4 adult kids and our experience has been that our kids understand more about us than we thought they did.

I could be wrong but my guess is they will be curious, supportive and simply accepting.

When I told my son we has a pleasant afternoon comparing ourselves and learning more about each other. He took the A.Q. test and scored N.T.

 

[rach3rd]

I could be wrong but my guess is they will be curious, supportive and simply accepting.

Thank you @Suzette that is very helpful, and encouraging.

 

[Thinx]

Well, same as you, your sons are who they are, their neurology is as it always was, so in that sense, nothing is different. You have got to 57 without knowing this, and it wasn't ever changeable anyway. What I do think is useful about understanding we are or may be autistic is that it gives us the opportunity to understand ourselves better, and to develop more ways to work around what we find challenging.

Nothings changed except that you understand yourself differently, and knowledge is power.

 

[Starfire]

So this Wednesday I will go over my test results with the doctor. After that I have to think about telling my two boys. My wife (NT) and parents already know. One boy is a junior in college and the other a senior in high school. The oldest has many autistic characteristics, is diagnosed with ADHD and has Crohn’s disease. The high school senior seems NT as far as I know. I don’t want to scare my kids, but I think they have the right to know. Especially since autism often runs in families. Any recommendations on the best way to handle it would be appreciated. Thanks.

Its ASD not cancer, it’s not a big deal and your kids will probably be vaguely interested for 5 minutes then move on to something more interesting. At least that’s what happened when I told my kids.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

So this Wednesday I will go over my test results with the doctor. After that I have to think about telling my two boys. My wife (NT) and parents already know. One boy is a junior in college and the other a senior in high school. The oldest has many autistic characteristics, is diagnosed with ADHD and has Crohn’s disease. The high school senior seems NT as far as I know. I don’t want to scare my kids, but I think they have the right to know. Especially since autism often runs in families. Any recommendations on the best way to handle it would be appreciated. Thanks.

Perspective. I come from a medical background and do quite a bit of research on this, so I don't think anything of this. My wife and kids know,...it wasn't even an issue. Nothing changed in our lives. Autism can have a strong genetic component, but even with studies of identical twins, one may have autism, the other not. There is more going on here. What it suggests is that even though there are over 100 known genetic markers for autism on the human genome,...certain conditions may have to be met before they are activated and begin the process of creating an autistic brain. There is a rather long list of known risk factors associated with autism, but not one of them is the "smoking gun". The best way to describe it,...for me,...is that it is likely that "perfect storm" of genetic + risk factors at the perfect time in fetal brain development that triggers the autistic brain to develop. There is so much we don't know yet,...but we are knowing more and more each day,...so stay current on the research.

Education is going to be key for you and your family,...not anxiety and worry.

 

[rach3rd]

Education is going to be key for you and your family,...not anxiety and worry.

You are right of course, but my anxiety is already high with my GAD. This has just kicked it up a lot.