Temporarily giving myself time (KEY WORD: TEMPORARILY)

[UberScout]

You all have seen my most recent statuses. There's no way to deny that. And i can't pretend i didn't write them either. I'm not that kind of person.

But

I wouldn't be a competent person, for lack of better terms and just overall the hopeful assumption that "competent" is the right word here, if I didn't make myself mindful of the nature of my announcements and how they are making people feel.

The fact that I'm still here (for now...) hopefully is making a few of you feel a little less saddened. So, with that thought in mind, here is what i'm going to do...

I'm going to try to channel these feelings into something creative, in the hopes that doing so will purge them away and cleanse my being. I gotta figure, if i'm willing to take the time to announce it, I may as well consider trying to fight it off.

So... Here goes nothing.

 

[Luca]

I hope being creative helps you realize it’s still worth it to stick around Maybe your newest project will give you a stronger sense of purpose. My art definitely does that for me.

I’ve been really sad lately to see that a few members have been posting about suicidal thoughts
I wish there was more I could do for you guys. Just know that I’m here if anyone needs me, and I might not see a private message right away but if it’s a situation like this I will definitely make it a huge priority. No one should have to feel like this and I’ll do what I can to help.

I hope you start feeling more like yourself again soon, Uberscout.
- Luca

 

[UberScout]

Thanks, Luca. You're a very good person.

It's little stuff like that that gives me droplets of hope, if only but a few at a time.

[A small glint of a hopeful smile just barely cracks across UberScout's face. It seems he won't be leaving so soon...

And yet, the sands of time continue to fall... ]

 

[Aspychata]

Hey- that sounds like the UberScout l know here. You just put one UberScout foot out and then take another UberScout step one at a time.

 

[UberScout]

Hey- that sounds like the UberScout l know here. You just put one UberScout foot out and then take another UberScout step one at a time.

It's not easy, but not impossible.

 

[Kalinychta]

You all have seen my most recent statuses. There's no way to deny that. And i can't pretend i didn't write them either. I'm not that kind of person.

I didn’t see them. What were they?

 

[Flown]

I didn't see the posts you speak of, but you seem like a very kind person.

I too struggle with su1c1da1 ideations on a regular basis, and they can be really convincing at times. Life can be incredibly painful, so I urge you to be gentle with yourself AND with these thoughts. Our thoughts come from a place of real pain and unmet needs. Despite them often being inaccurate in their reflection of reality, I do think they deserve our acknowledgment and compassion.

*sending many hugs to you* <3

 

[UberScout]

*sending many hugs to you* <3

Oh my, how affectionate thank you! I would like to let you know, I was hypnotized a few minutes ago as part of my therapy, so if i seem a little misty, that's why. It was a precaution taken to prevent self-harm.

Thank you for your support Goodnight for three hours!

 

[maycontainthunder]

Dog V4 sends you a huge hug UberScout.

 

[Suzette]

I am not a huggy person but I have big, warm, mom hugs for you!

This post is positive and I hope that positive momentum carries you through for a ling time to come. I am so full of thoughts and feelings for you that I am struck mute by everything that wants to get out all at once!

 

[UberScout]

[Update]

Welp. I'm back where i was last night. All our entertainment is now once again in the pawn shop. That lets me know right there that i'm in the kind of vicious cycle that never changes. Or gets better.

Day 1 of 3.

 

[Gracey]

@UberScout,

What changes would you like to see?

It sucks that you're low and spiralling.

On waking tomorrow, what would be the first change that came to mind?
How would your day be different?

 

[Kalinychta]

Okay, so I gather you’re in a bad way. Can you explain what’s making you unhappy? I’m unaware of your prior posts.

However I will say this: even though many (most?) of us autistics feel that autism has largely strangulated or hampered us, it actually makes us quite cool. We have observed existence from a unique angle. I like the way you write, and I think you have real talent. Do you like to read? Are you a writer? I don’t know if you’re a reader or a writer, but your writing has charisma. I mean that, truly. Lean into your talent, as someone recently told me. It’s strange the way the most valuable and unique members of society are the ones who feel they are the most superfluous. I think you should be writing or painting or doing something creative, Überscout.

 

[UberScout]

I do a little drawing here and there: yesterday in a BIG sketchbook i got for christmas, I drew a character named Agoti, from Friday Night Funkin'; i recently became a pretty big fan of that game, thanks to my little sister, hehe, and when i finally finished, it looked JUST like him! I even added a custom "gameplay" environment complete with the arrows you need to catch during a song, and a bit of dialogue. This is weird for me because I'm usually not able to draw humanoid bodies without it looking like they were run through a food processor, so I'm really proud of myself.

As for writing, I'm right there with you, I do this all the time. In light of my new interest of freestyle rap battling, I'm searching my house for a pocket-sized notepad to write down an arsenal of bars in case i get "ambushed"

 

[Kalinychta]

See how talented you are???? It would be absolute madness to off yourself. The world needs cool, creative people like you now more than ever!!!

 

[Kalinychta]

How are you doing today?

 

[Kalinychta]

Hi again. I’m sorry, I should have read your previous posts before replying. Do you have a job? If not, are you able to get one so you can start saving enough money for an apartment of your own?