The anti-joke thread

[NeoPhile]

I like anti-jokes! What is an anti-joke? An anti-joke is a joke in which the point of the joke is there is no joke. Let me give you some examples:
What did one elephant say to the other elephant?
Nothing. Elephants don't talk.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

What did the purple dragon say to the unicorn?
First of all, unicorns and dragons do not exist. Next of all, even in the stories in which they exist, they do not talk, except in the most childish of cartoons, and finally, even if they existed and could talk, what would a purple dragon even say to a unicorn? Hello, I'm a purple dragon? Give me a break.

How do you starve an Italian?
Deprive him access to food stuffs.

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Being raped by a Triceratops.

Post your favorite anti-jokes here

 

[Crossbreed]

"Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"
"No."
"Then I'm not letting you use my bathroom...!"

 

[clg114]

What is purple and goes slam, slam, slam, slam.

A four door grape.

 

[xudo]

I like anti-jokes! What is an anti-joke? An anti-joke is a joke in which the point of the joke is there is no joke. Let me give you some examples:
What did one elephant say to the other elephant?
Nothing. Elephants don't talk.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

What did the purple dragon say to the unicorn?
First of all, unicorns and dragons do not exist. Next of all, even in the stories in which they exist, they do not talk, except in the most childish of cartoons, and finally, even if they existed and could talk, what would a purple dragon even say to a unicorn? Hello, I'm a purple dragon? Give me a break.

How do you starve an Italian?
Deprive him access to food stuffs.

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Being raped by a Triceratops.

Post your favorite anti-jokes here

Is it bad that I found all of these hilarious? Not because they're funny (obviously) but because they're the sort of things I randomly come out with. Like when my niece was asking about people being born and dying, and she said "well if people are always dying, but more people are being born...then will there always be people?" I replied "until the inevitable heat death of the planet"...which is apparently not what you should say to a 7 year old.

What did one elephant say to the other elephant?
Nothing. Elephants don't talk.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

These two especially, because it's the sort of completely logical answer I would give to such questions. People have attempted to tell me jokes that begin with questions before, and I have just answered them sensibly. Ruins the joke somewhat.

 

[Crossbreed]

An oldie,

Spoiler: Why does a fireman wear red suspenders?

To hold his pants up...!

 

[Suzanne]

These two I had sent to me and thought were fabulous and as I repeat them to NT's, I getting a lot of "respect" as it were.

A woman has failed her test several times; she can drive, but fails on some questions, but decided to take it one more time and gets right to the point of this question: what do you hit? The cliff, the wall; the old man or the young man? She said the last one on the list and he said: no, wrong, madam. She throws her hands in the air and said: what on earth is the answer then?

Madam; hit the BRAKES!

An Irish man is renouned for portrait painting, to the extent, that many come from around the world to have their portrait painted. One day, a beautiful british woman turns up and says: I would like you to paint me in the nude? He says: mmm well that is a first. Let me go and talk to my wife first. So he goes and discusses it with his wife and they are pondering on the ethics of it and she comes out with a suggestion and so, he returns to the lady and says: my wife has agreed, but I will keep my socks on, if you do not mind?!

Someone said: how many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? 3. One to put the light bulb in and two others to turn the chair around! I said: yes, but light bulbs are either screw or push and I was told to stop digging a hole for myself!

I do not like racist jokes.

And still fall flat when a joke is said.

 

[Sylar]

Norm Macdonald is a master of this, though he doesn't like hearing it called anti-humour or anti-jokes since the intention is still to make people laugh.

One time he was invited to a comedy roast of Bob Saget and the producers told him to be a shocking as he could. Norm decided the most shocking thing to do would be to go out there and be nothing but kind and sincere. Norm MacDonald trolls the Bob Saget roast Sorry I couldn't find the same clip on youtube to embed it.

Another one where he wasted his slot on Conan to tell this single joke.

 

[Guppyfry]

How do you keep a bunch of Aspies in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

 

[Mia]

What are blue, yellow, red and green?

Colours

 

[Kirsty]

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Chicken"

"Chicken who?"

"Chicken pox"

(A silly childhood joke I made up with my cousins lol)

 

[NeoPhile]

What would Michael Jackson do on the moon?
Suffocate and die.

What would Don Rickles say in a room full of black people?
Nothing. He's dead.

Why was the blonde fired from her job at the M&M's factory?
Her Master's degree in electrical engineering made her overqualified for the position she had.

How did the polack die?
Cardiac arrest.

How many black people does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, you racist!

 

[NeoPhile]

Andy Kaufman was famous for anti-humor. He once ate ice cream for his comedy routine. The old "Shaggy dog" story is also an example of anti-comedy.

 

[Crossbreed]

Another oldie,

Spoiler: What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter. He's not coming anyway...!