The Boss who makes me sick

[WereBear]

This member of management is an utter incompetent. Which was merely annoying until they were moved into my line of command. Now their confusing instructions are directly stressful. Which was bad enough, but then they started trying to undermine my ability to do my work. Now I am getting hives and other signs of stress overload.

I am not being targeted in particular. Several people have found new employment rather than deal with the stress, and I don’t blame them a bit. But I have a lot invested in my tenure here; vacation time, work I really like, and I do believe in our Mission, as well. It is a non-profit which does important work that affects thousands of people.

I wish to fight instead of run.

The joke around my friends and family is that I am allergic to this person, which we now call the Allergen. So I did go to the doctor and get a note which said I had a potentially life-threatening condition and needed some concessions, such as sometimes working at home, which my job and the nature of my work allows. (And the Allergen has been blocking this for me, I have discovered.)

While I am not pleased about developing an auto-immune condition that is life-threatening, it does serve as a way of me getting work accommodations without revealing my AS. In the US, if you have a health challenge, the law asks that one’s employer make “reasonable accommodation” to the employee’s health issue, such as moving them to another line of work which will not need that particular requirement; like change the lighting or more undisturbed places to work.

When I am at the office I am in a big open space with multiple people crammed into cubicles; three in a space designed for two, and noise; so much my earbuds will not cover it.

When I am well, I can handle it. But the extra stress of the Allergen tips me over the edge. Now that it is winter, the extra stress of worrying about getting plowed out or cleaning off the car and so forth adds up, too.

For instance, I got an email about using the company car for travel; which did not include where the keys were or anything which would be useful for complying. So I ignored it, and my real boss asked me why I had not complied, with the Allergen copied in... so I know they had made a fuss about being ignored.

This was my golden opportunity to list all the things that were missing from the email, which I did. And my real boss was okay with it. Which is awesome... Real Boss seems to understand the “boulder in the road” the Allergen is.

So, meeting coming up Monday, where I will ask for procedures about what to do when the Allergen confuses me.

And I am going to put it exactly that way.

 

[pjcnet]

Many places of employment have too many high paid managers compared to the number of employees, it sometimes leaves unnecessary middle managers without much to do apart from wandering around looking for ways to nag the people who are doing the real work, often nit picking stupid things, annoying them and even slowing them down. I remember working in an office years ago with a middle manager like that, everyone hated him and wondered what actual real work he did as all he seemed to do was wander around from office to office p**s**g people off and holding them up while they had to keep explaining themselves to him lol! So many people had run ins with him, if you did he would make your life hell for days and I've been on the receiving end before too after I once dared to answer back to his nit picking, he went out of his way to make me do the most ridiculously awful and unnecessary jobs for a few days and it was infuriating trying to stop myself from answering him back as I knew he was doing it on purpose out of pure spite and If I did dare to complain it would obviously be much worse still, I've seen him drive a fair few good employees literally to tears.

 

[Judge]

Wish I had a solution for that problem. Nothing worse than someone in authority who may pride themselves in giving others ulcers as opposed to getting them. Where a corporate network tends to protect them rather than the workers based on reticence over potential wrongful termination costs.

Seen it happen too many times both where I worked and the policyholders I insured.

In my own case I just stuck it out with my own "allergan" who eventually was terminated with cause.

Though granted, such personalities do make for a "toxic" work environment.

 

[Ambi]

Stress hits my immune system, too - I'm convinced this had a lot to do with my recently developed auto-immune disease. I'm sorry you've got this problematic person to deal with :-(

 

[WereBear]

Stress hits my immune system, too - I'm convinced this had a lot to do with my recently developed auto-immune disease. I'm sorry you've got this problematic person to deal with :-(

I am sorry to hear. That is what I am trying to avoid.

 

[Gracey]

There's always a cure for sickness.
I hope you find it in time for the meeting on Monday.
Best of luck.

 

[WereBear]

Meeting over... and things are about as good as I can expect

Whew!

I did get a lot of praise for my work from my real bosses, which was great. I wound up having a meeting with the Allergen, which is basically a draw.

That part was deeply weird. I would point out the Allergen is not acting in a way I am not used to someone with their title behaving... and they respond with "I've never been one before!" I explain I emailed them back with all the things they weren't doing, and they chirp that "Those were all good points!"

It was like fighting fog. They actually apologized for creating difficulties for me, and in the same sentence indicated they would make ZERO effort about not doing that anymore. I am boggled. It like someone missing the adult parts of their brains... just responding in a way they have learned will make people shut up. Like a really well-done AI cyborg

But the venting seemed to do me good, and maybe they will back off. In any case, my real bosses are working with me, and so, that is what I needed to know.

And I even have a glimpse of how this situation got where it is. No one can deal with this person. No one has a clue about how to do it, and they won't listen to me because it sounds so out there and science fiction. This person has something deeply wrong with them, but the average person will not grapple with that.

And I cannot convince them to do so without me looking like the whacky person. And I skate close enough to that edge anyway.

Good news. Not a conclusion, but a "to be continued"

 

[Mattymatt]

This member of management is an utter incompetent. Which was merely annoying until they were moved into my line of command. Now their confusing instructions are directly stressful. Which was bad enough, but then they started trying to undermine my ability to do my work. Now I am getting hives and other signs of stress overload.

I am not being targeted in particular. Several people have found new employment rather than deal with the stress, and I don’t blame them a bit. But I have a lot invested in my tenure here; vacation time, work I really like, and I do believe in our Mission, as well. It is a non-profit which does important work that affects thousands of people.

I wish to fight instead of run.

The joke around my friends and family is that I am allergic to this person, which we now call the Allergen. So I did go to the doctor and get a note which said I had a potentially life-threatening condition and needed some concessions, such as sometimes working at home, which my job and the nature of my work allows. (And the Allergen has been blocking this for me, I have discovered.)

While I am not pleased about developing an auto-immune condition that is life-threatening, it does serve as a way of me getting work accommodations without revealing my AS. In the US, if you have a health challenge, the law asks that one’s employer make “reasonable accommodation” to the employee’s health issue, such as moving them to another line of work which will not need that particular requirement; like change the lighting or more undisturbed places to work.

When I am at the office I am in a big open space with multiple people crammed into cubicles; three in a space designed for two, and noise; so much my earbuds will not cover it.

When I am well, I can handle it. But the extra stress of the Allergen tips me over the edge. Now that it is winter, the extra stress of worrying about getting plowed out or cleaning off the car and so forth adds up, too.

For instance, I got an email about using the company car for travel; which did not include where the keys were or anything which would be useful for complying. So I ignored it, and my real boss asked me why I had not complied, with the Allergen copied in... so I know they had made a fuss about being ignored.

This was my golden opportunity to list all the things that were missing from the email, which I did. And my real boss was okay with it. Which is awesome... Real Boss seems to understand the “boulder in the road” the Allergen is.

So, meeting coming up Monday, where I will ask for procedures about what to do when the Allergen confuses me.

And I am going to put it exactly that way.

You are certainly not alone! I've had more than my share of toxic bosses. I know you like your work very much and have a lot invested in it which are all very positive things. At some point though, a job is not worth it if it is taking a toll on your physical health. I walked away from that kind of career myself. Remember, you are more important than anyone else. Your health matters more than any job.

 

[WereBear]

You are utterly correct, @Mattymatt . I am trying to develop an independent source of income so I don't have to deal with this anymore, but it is, for now, okay

 

[Lula1989]

Meeting over... and things are about as good as I can expect

Whew!

I did get a lot of praise for my work from my real bosses, which was great. I wound up having a meeting with the Allergen, which is basically a draw.

That part was deeply weird. I would point out the Allergen is not acting in a way I am not used to someone with their title behaving... and they respond with "I've never been one before!" I explain I emailed them back with all the things they weren't doing, and they chirp that "Those were all good points!"

It was like fighting fog. They actually apologized for creating difficulties for me, and in the same sentence indicated they would make ZERO effort about not doing that anymore. I am boggled. It like someone missing the adult parts of their brains... just responding in a way they have learned will make people shut up. Like a really well-done AI cyborg

But the venting seemed to do me good, and maybe they will back off. In any case, my real bosses are working with me, and so, that is what I needed to know.

And I even have a glimpse of how this situation got where it is. No one can deal with this person. No one has a clue about how to do it, and they won't listen to me because it sounds so out there and science fiction. This person has something deeply wrong with them, but the average person will not grapple with that.

And I cannot convince them to do so without me looking like the whacky person. And I skate close enough to that edge anyway.

Good news. Not a conclusion, but a "to be continued"

I have the exact same issue at work, except mine in my direct supervisor. After a 2 hour discussion with her (her choice, not mine), when I pointed out things that stressed me out, or hendered communications she completely agreed that it did, but then stated after that "this is who I am, so I will continue to do it that way". And I asked her to stop gossiping with everyone around the office about a problem she has with me, and instead just come straight to me. She once again agreed that she can see why I felt the way I did, but refused to change. Even though she refused I have seen her do less of it. Not 100% fixed, but 60%. I will take it. So there may be hope for your allergen!

 

[WereBear]

Even though she refused I have seen her do less of it. Not 100% fixed, but 60%. I will take it.

What a jerk! The fact that she is doing it less means she knows she is wrong, she just won’t admit it.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

What a jerk! The fact that she is doing it less means she knows she is wrong, she just won’t admit it.

Yep. One example of how people use 'power'

Pathetic.

 

[Lula1989]

Yes, she is extremely controlling and a micro manager. I think I am breaking her of some of those habits though Or at least she knows I am stubborn enough to push back and is slowly backing down.

I think this post just helped me realize it's not really me. My self doubt and lack of confidence has been strong this past year, so this has all helped!