The challenges of having ASD and being verbal

[Warmheart]

This is a presentation I'm giving in a few weeks. While I have a solid presentation with quality material, I'd like to get your input! Crowd-sourcing experiences can add more depth, to help others understand our reality better.

What sort of challenges has having ASD and being verbal brought you?

Does the fact that you can articulate a warning about a potential situation being likely to cause a meltdown, negate your warning? (In other person's judgement)

Does being chatty sometimes, make others forget that you always have some communication challenges--both expressive and receptive?

Do people urge you to "just try harder" in life (without ASD supports and accommodations ) until you achieve your way into Burnout or the hospital?

Do your uneven skillsets (brilliance in one area, significant defense cited in another) have people expecting more of you than you can manage?

Does your tactile hypersensitivity, or meltdowns, or need for seclusion, etc. still surprise those who know your diagnosis?

What stress does living with (sometimes) unacknowledged ASD bring? Conflicts?

Are there safety, healthcare, etc. risks when medical personnel doubt the depth of your challenges during difficult exams/procedures?

Expectations, assumptions, Burnout, safety concerns, being pushed to "Just try harder," being doubted, our warnings ignored, at home, work, school, in relationships, in healthcare scenarios, etc. ... how else might have being articulate with ASD impacted you?

Being verbal often means our needs for supports and accommodations for our ASD don't get met.
Please feel free to share.

Thanks for your input!

 

[Rayner]

"Just try harder" is the story of my life. Kelly helps me communicate, when I have trouble. For example she will order food for me, help me explain myself to others.

My hypersensitive to touch is still most people don't understand.

 

[Caitie33]

This is a presentation I'm giving in a few weeks. While I have a solid presentation with quality material, I'd like to get your input! Crowd-sourcing experiences can add more depth, to help others understand our reality better.

What sort of challenges has having ASD and being verbal brought you?

Does the fact that you can articulate a warning about a potential situation being likely to cause a meltdown, negate your warning? (In other person's judgement)

Does being chatty sometimes, make others forget that you always have some communication challenges--both expressive and receptive?

Do people urge you to "just try harder" in life (without ASD supports and accommodations ) until you achieve your way into Burnout or the hospital?

Do your uneven skillsets (brilliance in one area, significant defense cited in another) have people expecting more of you than you can manage?

Does your tactile hypersensitivity, or meltdowns, or need for seclusion, etc. still surprise those who know your diagnosis?

What stress does living with (sometimes) unacknowledged ASD bring? Conflicts?

Are there safety, healthcare, etc. risks when medical personnel doubt the depth of your challenges during difficult exams/procedures?

Expectations, assumptions, Burnout, safety concerns, being pushed to "Just try harder," being doubted, our warnings ignored, at home, work, school, in relationships, in healthcare scenarios, etc. ... how else might have being articulate with ASD impacted you?

Being verbal often means our needs for supports and accommodations for our ASD don't get met.
Please feel free to share.

Thanks for your input!

I am 33 years old and have never had a formal diagnoses. I always knew I was different as a kid but I was smart. The older I got the better my verbal skills got and the better I got at actually helping myself with some of the things I've always struggled with. To a point. I helped myself to a point that even I was confused about what the root cause of my problem was. I got a B.S. degree in Psychology and was in and out of therapy myself for depression and anxiety. I started to think maybe I had aspergers when I was in college. I was reading about it in a textbook and knew it definitely described my twin brother exactly. I identified with some traits but not as much with others, at least not as an adult. It wasn't until recently while reading about traits in children, as I am trying to figure out what is going on with my own four year old that it really dawned on me. I was a child with aspergers, I have aspergers, I just managed it so well that I didn't even know it myself until I started to put things together going back to when I was a kid. This is what it was all along. I read things about kids with ADHD and aspergers and females with aspergers and it all just made sense. It's like finding the missing puzzle pieces of my life. I don't know what life would have been like if I had been diagnosed when I was a kid. I know I fought my whole life to be "normal" because I always felt it was just barely out of my reach. I studied other kids on the playground from a corner of the building, trying to figure out what was so different about me, why I couldn't make friends. I always felt almost normal, like if I could just learn how to act and control myself I would be.

 

[Suzanne]

Does being chatty sometimes, make others forget that you always have some communication challenges--both expressive and receptive?

The more comfortable I feel with someone, the more chatty I become and yes, they find it hard to fathom that I struggle and look at me akin to shock when I say I am shy and yet, these same ones, see me in settings where there are tons of other people, I do not feel comfortable with and am completely non verbal; I seem to sink into my own body.

Do your uneven skillsets (brilliance in one area, significant defense cited in another) have people expecting more of you than you can manage?

This actually happened when I was given the chance to drive a car that does not need a licence ( in France). The instructor knew I had never been on the road before, but because of a seeming natural ability straight away, I was condemned when I did not see a car coming up ( I forgot to look in the mirror) and I nearly crashed into an oncoming car ( but that was due to the sun in my eyes); both times he shouted at me, as if I was an experienced driver who should have known better!

But generally, I give off an air of being stupid and people are surprised when they see I am not ( that is very uncomfortable to me).

What stress does living with (sometimes) unacknowledged ASD bring? Conflicts?

Because I appear "normal", I am just seen as strange, but that is because I am not officially diagnosed and no chance of being, since France does not recognise aspergers, only a very few know, but even they tend to forget and treat me as though it is a trial to talk to me.

I do feel that if I was official, I would be taken more seriously.

To the world, I have an invisiable "illness" as they would see aspergers. And as like most invisable "illnesses", ones have a lot less feelings of support than if it was obvious.

 

[Suzanne]

I am 33 years old and have never had a formal diagnoses. I always knew I was different as a kid but I was smart. The older I got the better my verbal skills got and the better I got at actually helping myself with some of the things I've always struggled with. To a point. I helped myself to a point that even I was confused about what the root cause of my problem was. I got a B.S. degree in Psychology and was in and out of therapy myself for depression and anxiety. I started to think maybe I had aspergers when I was in college. I was reading about it in a textbook and knew it definitely described my twin brother exactly. I identified with some traits but not as much with others, at least not as an adult. It wasn't until recently while reading about traits in children, as I am trying to figure out what is going on with my own four year old that it really dawned on me. I was a child with aspergers, I have aspergers, I just managed it so well that I didn't even know it myself until I started to put things together going back to when I was a kid. This is what it was all along. I read things about kids with ADHD and aspergers and females with aspergers and it all just made sense. It's like finding the missing puzzle pieces of my life. I don't know what life would have been like if I had been diagnosed when I was a kid. I know I fought my whole life to be "normal" because I always felt it was just barely out of my reach. I studied other kids on the playground from a corner of the building, trying to figure out what was so different about me, why I couldn't make friends. I always felt almost normal, like if I could just learn how to act and control myself I would be.

Pretty similar to me actually. Like you say, always felt different and the way the average person treats me, I would say that they see me as an outsider. Although a late learner, when I learn, I am fast and finally realised it was more to do with parenting skills than poor personal skills. As an example: I learned to read when I was 9 and that was only because one of my parents decided that he did not wish me to go back to school with not being able to read ( I was always off school) and when I went back to school, I quickly shot ahead of others and ended up with a certificate for the best reader in my class and from there, leaps and bounds.

Absolutely like the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle, but also a sense of a distorted puzzle, because of the lack of support around me.

 

[toothless]

when i became verbal,the social services learning disability team[ie,intellectual disability in the US] said they were no longer willing to provide me PECS even though it wasnt just communication i used them for,i used them for timelines,for schedules on how to use the toilet,for schedules on what to take out with me etc.
i need them but they refused them because i was in their eyes fully verbal ignoring the issues i have with speaking itself and expressing how i feel.
im still low functioning autistic by definition but they treat me like im very high functioning some times when they talk to me with language that sounds foreign to me because theyre complex words and they overload my brain,i tend to say nothing and say yeah or no, to shut them up but i secretly feel overloaded and upset because they dont understand me.

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

My mum and stepdad were always pushing me to try harder, apply myself etc; they genuinely wanted the best for me, and the be all and end all at the time (1970's) was getting qualifications. But they were also trying to live out their unfulfilled ambitions through me, and I was expected to have a brilliant career, although I just wanted to get married and have kids. I wasn't particularly ambitious, but became what they wanted me to be, and ended up not really achieving very much at all - at least, not in the traditional sense.
I never achieved the brilliant career my parents wanted for me, didn't marry until I was 30 and never had the children I wanted. But I learnt to drive when I was ready, learnt to knit in my 30's (had tried as a child, but couldn't get anywhere with it; gave it another go as an adult and haven't looked back!); use an electric sewing machine, having given it up as a bad job at school, and have had several poems published, as well as read them out to local audiences.
I have been a Christian for >30 years, and have had a lot of healing and ministry, and prayerfully managed to do something about my worst behavioural traits, before I realised why I was like it. I am also a street pastor, which can be difficult at times, especially when it's crowded (noise is usually contained within the night-club buildings, and we work outside), but I pray about it beforehand and usually manage. I am part of a team anyway, and we all have our strengths and weaknesses - you'd be surprised at the things that come out in conversations!
I have been accused of being stupid and lazy and, on a lighter note, been told I'm unique, priceless, and 2 sandwiches short of a picnic!

 

[zurb]

I liked what someone else said on another thread somewhere (I'd link to it, but search has disappeared from the app). Basically, they said it was a catch 22. If you can't explain, there is no way to get help. If you work hard and do manage to explain, then obviously you don't need help.

 

[Caitie33]

Pretty similar to me actually. Like you say, always felt different and the way the average person treats me, I would say that they see me as an outsider. Although a late learner, when I learn, I am fast and finally realised it was more to do with parenting skills than poor personal skills. As an example: I learned to read when I was 9 and that was only because one of my parents decided that he did not wish me to go back to school with not being able to read ( I was always off school) and when I went back to school, I quickly shot ahead of others and ended up with a certificate for the best reader in my class and from there, leaps and bounds.

Absolutely like the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle, but also a sense of a distorted puzzle, because of the lack of support around me.

The way people treat me I feel like I must seem ditzy and clueless but I'm not at all. When someone is around me long enough to realize I'm an intelligent person they start treating me like I'm just strange. The worst though is that a lot of people just patronize me, like a dumb sweet child who they feel sorry for.

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

I know the feeling. In the main, people who see me as sweet mean well; at least they're not hostile, and they don't look down their noses at me. When I talk to them, they reply normally and treat me as though I have some intelligence and nous, and that's a vast improvement on the treatment I've had from some people in the past.

 

[Suzanne]

The way people treat me I feel like I must seem ditzy and clueless but I'm not at all. When someone is around me long enough to realize I'm an intelligent person they start treating me like I'm just strange. The worst though is that a lot of people just patronize me, like a dumb sweet child who they feel sorry for.

That is exactly how I feel that I am being treated! My "intelligence" seems to threathen people!

Just yesterday, I was trying to get out of a car, but it wouldn't open and found it to be a child lock and the driver said something about me being a child, but instead of getting upset ( because he would not say that to anyone else), I said: you know, I am going to take that as a compliment, because being a woman of 46 and being called a child, has to be a huge positive and got: wow are you really?!!!

But in general, yes, I am seen as ditzy or weird.