Guys.
Have you ever had a toothache?
If you're a human being raise your hand.
Good.
Now.
Have you ever had a really bad toothache?
Okay.
Now here's another question.
Has your mouth ever felt like one side of the back was having a crazed, schizophrenic scientist just take a kitchen knife superheated to 1000 degrees F, and just jammed it as hard as humanly possible into the tooth that was hurting? And then while they did so, they just twisted the knife this way and that in every direction, jamming it up and down and up and down as violently hard and slowly as possible?
Do you know what kind of undeserved pain that is?!
When I first had this happen I was in the emergency room. I had gone there when it first started. But just my luck, the entire hospital was somehow completely full and had no vacancy, yet were still accepting patients because the law says dying people can't be out on the street. What cosmic chain of events took place to ensure that happened I will never know, but it didn't matter. As a result, I SAT THERE IN THE RECEPTION AREA FOR
THREE
BLOODY
HOURS
WAITING FOR A DOCTOR TO CHECK ME IN.
What am I doing throughout those three hours? Two things.
One, I'm trying to stay quiet.
Two, I'm searching my brain, in the deepest tolerance database I know of, for a way to remain sane through the level of pain I was enduring.
Before I describe it, let me list off that:
I once stubbed my toe on the wall of my house.
I've had my aunt Dorothy spend hours hand-clearing acne off my face, very, very, very slowly.
I've had a cat scratch me. And bite me. In my....never mind.
I've been punched so hard in the nose that I couldn't talk or smell anything for two hours.
I once pulled a tendon almost in half in my ankle, and actually had to spend two weeks in a splint, two more with a boot, and the remainder of the month in a wheelchair, so that pressure being put on it wouldn't keep it from healing.
But this toothache I had?!
This wasn't the kind of toothache that hurts a little and then goes away. This is a toothache that STAYS until something is done to make it go away. For some reason I thought that drooling on my own tooth would make it stop a little, so the whole time I'm sitting in that chair, there's a puddle of slimy saliva next to me, as I'm tilted to one side, moving around to find ways to get rid of the feeling. But nothing I'm doing is making it go away. Not even that old trick where you pinch yourself to make something else hurt worse so it will go away for a second.
I was screaming. I was eventually on the floor rolling around. I was begging the universe itself to stop it. The pain had me speaking in tongues. I had found myself in so much pain I started speaking mangled versions of Swahili, Hindi, Japanese, and I think a hint of Doth'raki, Naa'vi and Black Speech. When a toothache has you speaking languages that nobody around you talks in, something has gone horribly wrong.
I think at one point I had spoken something in Lyra-tongue to some entity I don't think people know about. I don't flipping know man.
The moral of the story is....FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, BRUSH YOUR TEETH!!
Have you ever had a toothache?
If you're a human being raise your hand.
Good.
Now.
Have you ever had a really bad toothache?
Okay.
Now here's another question.
Has your mouth ever felt like one side of the back was having a crazed, schizophrenic scientist just take a kitchen knife superheated to 1000 degrees F, and just jammed it as hard as humanly possible into the tooth that was hurting? And then while they did so, they just twisted the knife this way and that in every direction, jamming it up and down and up and down as violently hard and slowly as possible?
Do you know what kind of undeserved pain that is?!
When I first had this happen I was in the emergency room. I had gone there when it first started. But just my luck, the entire hospital was somehow completely full and had no vacancy, yet were still accepting patients because the law says dying people can't be out on the street. What cosmic chain of events took place to ensure that happened I will never know, but it didn't matter. As a result, I SAT THERE IN THE RECEPTION AREA FOR
THREE
BLOODY
HOURS
WAITING FOR A DOCTOR TO CHECK ME IN.
What am I doing throughout those three hours? Two things.
One, I'm trying to stay quiet.
Two, I'm searching my brain, in the deepest tolerance database I know of, for a way to remain sane through the level of pain I was enduring.
Before I describe it, let me list off that:
I once stubbed my toe on the wall of my house.
I've had my aunt Dorothy spend hours hand-clearing acne off my face, very, very, very slowly.
I've had a cat scratch me. And bite me. In my....never mind.
I've been punched so hard in the nose that I couldn't talk or smell anything for two hours.
I once pulled a tendon almost in half in my ankle, and actually had to spend two weeks in a splint, two more with a boot, and the remainder of the month in a wheelchair, so that pressure being put on it wouldn't keep it from healing.
But this toothache I had?!
This wasn't the kind of toothache that hurts a little and then goes away. This is a toothache that STAYS until something is done to make it go away. For some reason I thought that drooling on my own tooth would make it stop a little, so the whole time I'm sitting in that chair, there's a puddle of slimy saliva next to me, as I'm tilted to one side, moving around to find ways to get rid of the feeling. But nothing I'm doing is making it go away. Not even that old trick where you pinch yourself to make something else hurt worse so it will go away for a second.
I was screaming. I was eventually on the floor rolling around. I was begging the universe itself to stop it. The pain had me speaking in tongues. I had found myself in so much pain I started speaking mangled versions of Swahili, Hindi, Japanese, and I think a hint of Doth'raki, Naa'vi and Black Speech. When a toothache has you speaking languages that nobody around you talks in, something has gone horribly wrong.
I think at one point I had spoken something in Lyra-tongue to some entity I don't think people know about. I don't flipping know man.
The moral of the story is....FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, BRUSH YOUR TEETH!!