Ironic that those on the spectrum are regarded as robot-like, when it's NTs who engage in such artificial, robotic chatter!
For a long time, I hated "how are you", and would never say it. I had this one manager who wouldn't even let the conversation continue until I did the how-are-you-I'm-good-and-you dance. I quit that job after three weeks!
In the past few years though, I've worked in open-concept offices modeled after tech startups. I've learned to make my peace with "how are you", because it's inevitable that I run into people when getting coffee or water.
After some practice I worked out an algorithm for such situations, and I've found that I can manage the other person's response with my "how's-it-going" tone. If I'm not feeling up to chatting, I do the how-are-you-I'm-good-and-you shuffle in the overly formal manner of a robot programmed for artificial politeness (the NTbot 3000). Then I return my attention to what I'm doing:
- If I'm in a good mood, it's like I'm not saying--"I'd keep talking to you, but I'm about to prepare myself the most awesome cup of coffee to ever grace God's green earth, and I'm engrossed in that."
- Or if I'm in a bad mood, it's like I'm not saying--"I'd keep talking to you, but I'm very busy and I've got work to do." Like how on Seinfeld George Costanza discovered that if he just looked stressed and worked up about something, people in his office would assume that he's working hard and leave him alone!
Then the ball is in their court--if they actually want a conversation, it's up to them to think of something personal about me to connect with (because I'm practically never interested in other people's lives), and then, if I feel up to it, I get to talk about myself. If they persist and I don't feel up to it, I have a set of go-to responses that make for good generic, meaningless office chatter:
- "Man, do I ever need this cup of coffee!"
- "Geez... is it only (Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday)? This week is going so slow!" (Alternates: "Oh man, it's only Monday...hope the rest of the week goes faster!"/"TGIF, huh? Doing anything fun this weekend?")
- "So many meetings today... I need to get some work done!" (Whether true or not.)
- "*sigh* It's just been email after email all day... It's nice to have a break from my computer!"
- "Looks like it's going to (be a great weekend for doing something outside/rain this weekend)!" (Alternate, for about half the year in southern Ontario: "Wow, is this snow ever going to let up?")
- And if I'm having a particularly good day: "Great day today--finally getting some work done!" (That suggests to them that actually doing my job is more pleasurable to me than making pleasantries.)
That seems to satisfy at least 95% of NT social situations.