The Isolation of Aspergers

[DogwoodTree]

Found this blog post today on the Aspergirls site...this paragraph really spoke to me:

I live my life questioning truth: the truth of everything. And then reaching the conclusion and revelation of the lack of valid truth, I spin back into the oblivion of not knowing. I live my life questioning if I am truthful enough. I worry about the slight chance of accidental manipulation on my part that might occur based on my own want and desire. I don’t even like to wish. Who am I to wish? I worry about being self-focused. I worry about being me. And everywhere, in vast unwavering quantity, is this judgment, these unspoken rules; these people being who they are and questioning who I am. And I am ransacked by their ways. I hide, I escape, I try to be nowhere and be no thing, but then the isolation is magnified and brought up to jet speed, and I long for the company again. I take strangers and their judging eyes over nothing.

The Isolation of Aspergers | Everyday Asperger's

 

[AsheSkyler]

I like that blog, she has a little of interesting stuff.

I've had a few baffling cases of that too with constantly worrying if I'm being neutral and fair enough. Like I have some kind of obligation to make up for what those around me don't do, especially when I'm around really selfish people. Then followed by a fear of being like them and trying even harder to be neutral should anything be hurt in the process of me accidentally being untruthful. Very, very rarely have I ever really craved human company. I'm fine with animals and fictional characters, I get a lot of emotional needs met through them.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I like that blog, she has a little of interesting stuff.

Yeah, I like her stuff, too. Some of it is too rambly for my patience level, or too optimistic at a time when I'm looking for consolation and validation, or too pessimistic at times when I'm feeling better, lol. But she digs deep. I like that.

 

[Suzanne]

I put my trust in the bible and that helps considerably to balance my thinking out.

What struck me on reading this snip bit is that the idea of truth and what is truth. It did make me chuckle because that is exactly what Pontus Pilot said to Jesus: what is truth?

I do not have an issue what what is truth, for I feel satisfied that I have found the answer. However, the area that I still struggle with and that is the fear of not saying the right thing! I truly get into a panic and frightened that if I say something, that I will be jumped on, for saying something wrong.

I am now learning that if I need to talk to someone about something, I go over it in my head first ie how to start off the subject and that is working.

 

[epath13]

I can't really relate to what she writes in this particular piece. Her writing seems to be saturated with self doubt. I can't call the way I feel "isolated", I call it "separate". "Separate" has more truth in it for me. I'm not saying I'm self-doubt free but only about me not showing up, not believing in my ability to achieve anything I wish for, not reminding myself constantly how centered and solid I am. My mom, despite of all her fears and desire to change me, always told me that being different is the best thing that can happen to a person. She contradicted herself a lot but I know, it's because of the fear of being rejected by society, fear of pain and guilt. But somehow her subconscious message shined through all that. Being different means being alone, sometimes it means being alone on top of a mountain and seeing the truth but not being able to do anything about it. Being different means to challenge conventional, to open people's minds, to shine and enlighten whether through words and actions, or through just being!

 

[AsheSkyler]

Yeah, I like her stuff, too. Some of it is too rambly for my patience level, or too optimistic at a time when I'm looking for consolation and validation, or too pessimistic at times when I'm feeling better, lol. But she digs deep. I like that.

I usually find it technical, pessimistic, or sometimes simply funny. I loved the bit describing the cashier catching her off-guard with a question where her mind then ran through about 60 questions in a fraction of a second monitoring everything from physical posture, expression, and appropriate response. Been there!

I can't really relate to what she writes in this particular piece. Her writing seems to be saturated with self doubt. I can't call the way I feel "isolated", I call it "separate". "Separate" has more truth in it for me.

True that, and same here. I'm perfectly fine being alone. Sometimes it does get frustrating having to chose between being friends and being yourself, but most of the time I'm grinning because who I am is my little secret that nobody will ever find out about.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I put my trust in the bible and that helps considerably to balance my thinking out.

What struck me on reading this snip bit is that the idea of truth and what is truth. It did make me chuckle because that is exactly what Pontus Pilot said to Jesus: what is truth?

I do not have an issue what what is truth, for I feel satisfied that I have found the answer.

I'm also a Christian, though not the same "flavor" as you. And I agree--God's Word helps to balance out my thinking on things.

I think, when I ponder the question, "What is truth?"...I'm not coming to the relativistic conclusion that so many groups today adhere to, that truth is in the eye of the beholder. But at the same time, truth, to me, is way more complex and deep and unfathomable in its fullness for my little mind to comprehend. So for me, there are too many layers and too many seeming contradictions that are beyond my intelligence level for me to stop with the obvious.

It seems there's always a deeper layer. Something else that is more true than what I already know. And that is perfectly consistent with my faith in God, because I know that the fullness of Him is way beyond my comprehensive abilities at this time. I don't think we'll ever run out of new truth in our journey to know Him more.

What struck me in the part I quoted, though, was that she stated one of my fears in relationships--that I might unknowingly manipulate someone out of my ignorance or desire. And the journey in digging to find what it is I value more than freedom reveals places in myself that still need cleansing and Godly perspective.

 

[Aaron Agassi]

Found this blog post today on the Aspergirls site...this paragraph really spoke to me:



The Isolation of Aspergers | Everyday Asperger's

This puzzling condition of hers, until recently know as: Asperger's Syndrome, now Autism Spectrum... We use to call it: Philosophy.

 

[radasp]

I checked out this site: very tedious and dare I say it? Narcissistic. But - I also recognize "youth" in this self-centeredness. I'm older (both bipolar and Asperger), and luckily "grew up" a lot by becoming interested in the world around me; not people so much, but through science. Sometimes when reading posts by young Aspies I want to yell, Get over yourself! BECOME someone; create an interesting human being from what you have: don't stop at being Aspie. It's a human challenge, not a place to spend the rest of your life.