Hi everyone,
currently, I am really struggling with myself. A few weeks ago I started to get TikToks about autism and ADHD. In the beginning, I wiped them away because I wasn't really interested in the content, but after some time I realized, that I had some similarities with these people that have autism or/and ADHD. I decided to dive deeper into the topic and understood, not all autists are completely antisocial or get a meltdown when an Item on the menu in the favorite restaurant changes.
However, here's the catch, I am a hypochondriac. I can not count, how many times I thought I am seriously ill and I am going to die. I gave myself the wildest self-diagnoses. Because of that, and my anxieties in general, I am taking antidepressants which help to keep my anxiety under control.
Since I am aware that I am a hypochondriac, I am a bit afraid it's just another episode. Anyways, I thought, before I am trying to get a real diagnosis which can be really time-consuming and difficult, I thought I will look for some advice on the internet.
So here I am
First of all, maybe some character traits, why I think I am not autistic.
I don't have any problems with making friends or being social. I get along with a lot of people and I can feel that people really enjoy spending time with me because I am a likable person. Although the older I got (I am 34 now), I realized, I don't want to make new friends anymore because I always feel the pressure to be nice and adapt to everyone which kind of feels exhausting.
I love sarcasm and dark humor. I understand sarcasm and I like to be sarcastic!
I am not shy, I do not have a problem at all starting a conversation with a stranger at a party.
I don't have a problem with looking someone in the eyes and I am really good at reading facial expressions. Most of the time, I immediately see, based on their facial expressions, if people are in a bad, or good mood.
I am not rude. I know exactly, what I can say to a person and what could possibly be offensive.
Here are some character traits, why I think, I might be autistic.
Although I like spending time with others, I love being alone! No one I need to adjust to, I can simply do what I want. Watching documentaries, reading news/ Wikipedia articles, and watching TikToks.
I do not miss people. For me, the concept of missing someone is hard to understand. It doesn't mean I am not happy when I see family and close friends, but neither do I have the urge to have them next to me.
I don't enjoy cuddling or being touched. I always want it to stop asap because it feels strange to me.
I have a special interest in history, culture, and politics. Friends sometimes call me to get an update on current political events and my opinion on them.
I can't sleep without my earplugs because the slightest noise wakes me up. I generally hate background noises. I need it quiet. It's the same with light, while I am sleeping the room needs to be completely dark.
I hate fictional books. I tried it a couple of times. It simply doesn't work for me. I can only read history books or biographies. Something based on facts. I once started a biography and then found out the author was lying. I couldn't finish the book.
I have the urge to correct other people. But I learned to suppress it when meeting people for the first time. Although it is really hard for me when someone is completely mixing up facts.
I love wearing my sweatpants everywhere. Wearing something uncomfortable, only because it looks good? Not with me.
Now some stuff about my childhood and life as a young adult
I pretty late started to talk. Although I actively refused to speak when I was a child, I thought it is worth mentioning.
I was pretty bad at school, in elementary school, I was a daydreamer. Teachers told my parents how many problems I have understanding the easiest concepts e.g. in mathematics. I remember how desperate my math teacher was trying to explain greater than / less than. Generally, I am really bad with numbers and struggle to remember my own phone number, even after years.
In middle school, I kind of accepted my fate of being an idiot. My self-esteem was zero. I could feel how teachers had little expectations of me, and even my parents were disappointed. I became the class clown - teachers hated my guts. I almost never did homework. I never repeated class, but my grades were a tragedy. This behavior went on while I was doing my apprenticeship for the next three years.
After a year of work, I realized how much I hate my job and the people around me. I understood something needed to change. I went back to high school and began to study at university. Teachers in high school and university really liked me. Instead of disturbing, I was contributing to classes and using my broad knowledge to impress. However, my written exams were still mediocre because I have a hard time focusing. When I had the chance to check my exam results at university, I saw how often I forgot words or jumped to the next sentence while being in the middle of the previous one.
When I met people from middle school, they couldn't believe that I went to university. They were sure I would end up in the streets.
Right now, I am working as an IT-Consultant. I am not top-notch, but my management is satisfied with my work and is happy I am part of the team. However, working in a demanding environment is really hard for me. I become quickly stressed and anxious if something doesn't go according to plan. I put myself under extreme pressure to present good results, but the more I pressure myself, the worse the outcome is. I deliver the best results if no one puts me under pressure, including myself, and I can listen to my favorite music while doing my tasks, but that rarely happens.
Soooooo, someone diagnosed sees some resemblance in their personal life story? Should I try to get a proper diagnosis, or am I simply depressed and anxious? ;-)
currently, I am really struggling with myself. A few weeks ago I started to get TikToks about autism and ADHD. In the beginning, I wiped them away because I wasn't really interested in the content, but after some time I realized, that I had some similarities with these people that have autism or/and ADHD. I decided to dive deeper into the topic and understood, not all autists are completely antisocial or get a meltdown when an Item on the menu in the favorite restaurant changes.
However, here's the catch, I am a hypochondriac. I can not count, how many times I thought I am seriously ill and I am going to die. I gave myself the wildest self-diagnoses. Because of that, and my anxieties in general, I am taking antidepressants which help to keep my anxiety under control.
Since I am aware that I am a hypochondriac, I am a bit afraid it's just another episode. Anyways, I thought, before I am trying to get a real diagnosis which can be really time-consuming and difficult, I thought I will look for some advice on the internet.
So here I am
First of all, maybe some character traits, why I think I am not autistic.
I don't have any problems with making friends or being social. I get along with a lot of people and I can feel that people really enjoy spending time with me because I am a likable person. Although the older I got (I am 34 now), I realized, I don't want to make new friends anymore because I always feel the pressure to be nice and adapt to everyone which kind of feels exhausting.
I love sarcasm and dark humor. I understand sarcasm and I like to be sarcastic!
I am not shy, I do not have a problem at all starting a conversation with a stranger at a party.
I don't have a problem with looking someone in the eyes and I am really good at reading facial expressions. Most of the time, I immediately see, based on their facial expressions, if people are in a bad, or good mood.
I am not rude. I know exactly, what I can say to a person and what could possibly be offensive.
Here are some character traits, why I think, I might be autistic.
Although I like spending time with others, I love being alone! No one I need to adjust to, I can simply do what I want. Watching documentaries, reading news/ Wikipedia articles, and watching TikToks.
I do not miss people. For me, the concept of missing someone is hard to understand. It doesn't mean I am not happy when I see family and close friends, but neither do I have the urge to have them next to me.
I don't enjoy cuddling or being touched. I always want it to stop asap because it feels strange to me.
I have a special interest in history, culture, and politics. Friends sometimes call me to get an update on current political events and my opinion on them.
I can't sleep without my earplugs because the slightest noise wakes me up. I generally hate background noises. I need it quiet. It's the same with light, while I am sleeping the room needs to be completely dark.
I hate fictional books. I tried it a couple of times. It simply doesn't work for me. I can only read history books or biographies. Something based on facts. I once started a biography and then found out the author was lying. I couldn't finish the book.
I have the urge to correct other people. But I learned to suppress it when meeting people for the first time. Although it is really hard for me when someone is completely mixing up facts.
I love wearing my sweatpants everywhere. Wearing something uncomfortable, only because it looks good? Not with me.
Now some stuff about my childhood and life as a young adult
I pretty late started to talk. Although I actively refused to speak when I was a child, I thought it is worth mentioning.
I was pretty bad at school, in elementary school, I was a daydreamer. Teachers told my parents how many problems I have understanding the easiest concepts e.g. in mathematics. I remember how desperate my math teacher was trying to explain greater than / less than. Generally, I am really bad with numbers and struggle to remember my own phone number, even after years.
In middle school, I kind of accepted my fate of being an idiot. My self-esteem was zero. I could feel how teachers had little expectations of me, and even my parents were disappointed. I became the class clown - teachers hated my guts. I almost never did homework. I never repeated class, but my grades were a tragedy. This behavior went on while I was doing my apprenticeship for the next three years.
After a year of work, I realized how much I hate my job and the people around me. I understood something needed to change. I went back to high school and began to study at university. Teachers in high school and university really liked me. Instead of disturbing, I was contributing to classes and using my broad knowledge to impress. However, my written exams were still mediocre because I have a hard time focusing. When I had the chance to check my exam results at university, I saw how often I forgot words or jumped to the next sentence while being in the middle of the previous one.
When I met people from middle school, they couldn't believe that I went to university. They were sure I would end up in the streets.
Right now, I am working as an IT-Consultant. I am not top-notch, but my management is satisfied with my work and is happy I am part of the team. However, working in a demanding environment is really hard for me. I become quickly stressed and anxious if something doesn't go according to plan. I put myself under extreme pressure to present good results, but the more I pressure myself, the worse the outcome is. I deliver the best results if no one puts me under pressure, including myself, and I can listen to my favorite music while doing my tasks, but that rarely happens.
Soooooo, someone diagnosed sees some resemblance in their personal life story? Should I try to get a proper diagnosis, or am I simply depressed and anxious? ;-)
