The reason i don't want to go to a psychologist

[dark cloud]

Even though in the past i wanted especially in my teen years now i don't. Back then some kids were laughing at me and i felt anger and sadness so a psychologist could helped.

I realized whenever i went to a psychologist i get enthusiastic but then i loose interest, i don't know what else to say and want to stop.

My mother insists to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist in September because sometimes i have explosions of anger and i always close myself in my room and don't talk to them.

My mother say i have to take meds for my anger so i will be more calm.

The thing is even If sometimes i write my thoughts of emotions anonymously, i don't really know what to say to psychologist.
I don't know where this anger comes from.
Most of the time I can't stand be around them.
Sometimes i have and sometimes not. Right this moment i don't.
But it's true I can't stand them. They're not bad parents but when i'm around them i'm completely introvert and close.

My mother usually tells me i make her sad because i don't care about myself or because i gained weight, she worries about how much alcohol i drink and because i'm 27 and don't work, don't have a degree, i'm not social enough, i still live with them. In other words i am not a normal 27 year old girl or female or woman. I more feel like a girl. And i believe that's the reason my mother infantilizing me.

Someone who decides to go to a therapist is someone with strong hurtful emotions and something that going on with him.
I usually feel empty and have nothing to say.

There are times i feel something inside and i can't explain it and usually end up with anger explosion. Most of times i try to express it alone by hitting things in my room.

Even if say some things here now if i was in a psychologist's office i wouldn't known what to say or what's important to say or what's the reason i decided to see a therapist.

If i have a problem is that i am empty and don't have a story about me to tell to a psychologist. In another hand whenever I have an emotion i want it to go away and afraid of it. But i have a hard time to speak about them.

Unfortunately people and therapists expect to express emotions. I have a hard time to speak or showing them.
I remember once I had a fight with my friends and didn't talk anymore and i was thinking suicide and drinking everyday. I was empty. And as i was explaining to my psychoanalyst what happened with my friends he told me i didn't show so much emotion and maybe i wasn't so sad after all. I was confused. Maybe because i didn't had many expressions or none expressions.

I don't trust me either. I don't know what's real inside and not false understanding of my own. And it's like i'm stuck in this situation since i remember myself. The only difference is when i was a child i was better as i was growing up i became worse.

It's okay to go to a therapist if i don't have nothing to say?
Have any of you an experience with emptiness? And how a therapist helped?

 

 

[Atrapa Almas]

What is the worst scenario of going to therapy?

There are many psychologists whose expertise area is autism. What can you lose by going?

Are you losing your money? No, your family will pay.

Are you getting your family angry? No, they will see that at least you try and will be happy.

If it won't work, what would you lose?

 

[Billthecat]

For someone is so easy going to a professional, for others doesn't.

Autism usually got ancient roots, in the bloodline and could go worse with bad experiences.

I just want to repeat: be yourself, with your defects and be proud of them, if someone doesn't appreciate, it could just shut up and better not cross your way.

As someone older than you I can understand the point of making you loose weight, but no one can force, when you will be in peace, you could do it as your choice.

The same thing for the psich... , if you are uncomfortable, better settle to a better time.

Love yourself, no one will come do it from the outside world.

 

[Owliet]

My mother insists to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist in September because sometimes i have explosions of anger and i always close myself in my room and don't talk to them.

I think mom is right here about your need to go. Even hitting Things in your room is enough for you to seek one out. You’re not regulating emotions in a healthy way and it’s possible that a therapist can help you with this by giving you strategies.

she worries about how much alcohol i drink

How much do you drink in a day? If you’re using it to cover the pain that you mentioned in your second thread, you really do need to talk about this.

And i believe that's the reason my mother infantilizing me.

Steps to stop being treated like a child:

1) do your own laundry
2)clean the house without being asked
3) cook meals

basic stuff but if your mom sees you doing this, then it is a good small step.

Someone who decides to go to a therapist is someone with strong hurtful emotions and something that going on with him.
I usually feel empty and have nothing to say.

Not necessarily. First psych I saw I barely said anything to them. And would often pass them notes of what I had written in between. Also, considering the content of your first thread, that alone should be something that you see a therapist for Because there’s something going on with you.

 

[Rodafina]

Someone who decides to go to a therapist is someone with strong hurtful emotions and something that going on with him.
I usually feel empty and have nothing to say.

This can be the exact time to go to therapy! It is the job of the therapist to help you find the words. If you have nothing that you feel and can express, sometimes a therapist may start asking about specific problems – maybe hitting and banging things could be a focus, or alcohol could be a focus.

I fully understand what you are expressing here, and it can feel like there is a lot of pressure to be a “good” client and accurately express emotions, identify problems, and work towards solutions. But, there is no expectation to be a good client – it is perfectly OK to go and sit in a therapy session and say “I don’t have anything to say.” This in itself is information for a competent therapist who can use it as a starting point to engage with you.

Again, I understand the stress that going to therapy can create, because I very much feel that too. Sometimes, pushing through that is worth it, though for the support that you get in return.

Some of the issues you’ve brought up and the way you describe feeling at home are things that I would not be able to manage and figure out all by myself. I would definitely need help.

A last thought, I don’t know what your access is or what country you’re in, but in the USA, there are many different types of mental health care professionals that could offer support - Psychologist, psychiatrist, but also licensed social workers, mental health counselors, and other types of structured and supportive relationships.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

..., i don't know what else to say and want to stop.

...sometimes i have explosions of anger and i always close myself in my room and don't talk to them.

The thing is even If sometimes i write my thoughts of emotions anonymously, i don't really know what to say to psychologist.
...i'm completely introvert and close.

...she worries about how much alcohol I drink,...i'm not social enough,... i am not a normal 27 year old girl or female or woman. I more feel like a girl.

Someone who decides to go to a therapist is someone with strong hurtful emotions and something that going on with him.
I usually feel empty and have nothing to say.

There are times i feel something inside and i can't explain it and usually end up with anger explosion. Most of times i try to express it alone by hitting things in my room.

Even if say some things here now if i was in a psychologist's office i wouldn't known what to say or what's important to say or what's the reason i decided to see a therapist.

If i have a problem is that i am empty and don't have a story about me to tell to a psychologist. In another hand whenever I have an emotion i want it to go away and afraid of it. But i have a hard time to speak about them.

Unfortunately people and therapists expect to express emotions. I have a hard time to speak or showing them.
I remember once I had a fight with my friends and didn't talk anymore and i was thinking suicide and drinking everyday. I was empty. And as i was explaining to my psychoanalyst what happened with my friends he told me i didn't show so much emotion and maybe i wasn't so sad after all. I was confused. Maybe because i didn't had many expressions or none expressions.

I don't trust me either. I don't know what's real inside and not false understanding of my own. And it's like i'm stuck in this situation since i remember myself. The only difference is when i was a child i was better as i was growing up i became worse.

It's okay to go to a therapist if i don't have nothing to say?
Have any of you an experience with emptiness? And how a therapist helped?

 

Ok,...a lot of things hit home with your post.

1. I feel a lot of same things you do. For nearly 50 years I didn't know I was autistic and I had to learn over time and a lot of mistakes,...emotions are a bad thing for me. They are either ON or OFF with little control and modulation. So, I've learned over time to internalize and function in a "neutral state",...I've become quite good at it. It's become a control thing with me,...and it helps at work to keep me focused. I know many people say internalization is not good,...but I haven't found an alternative to "release" other than through physical exercise.
2. Having said that, I do feel emotions,...and sometimes I do have those "breakthroughs" of anger and anxiety,...all of a sudden a situation arises when I am cursing and putting other people back onto their heels. I immediately recognize the "break in character" and feel a bit embarrassed.
3. Emotions and communication are tied together, and when certain situations arise where interpersonal interactions become awkward or confrontational, it is very difficult to process and act appropriately. It may take me hours,...even days to process and then realize the mistakes I made,...thinking to myself, "That could have gone better."
4. I really have a difficult time understanding what I am feeling at any given moment. Certainly, if anyone, let alone a therapist were to ask, "So how did that make you feel?" or "What are you feeling right now?" There's a good chance I might not be able to tell them, because I legitimately might not understand it to identify it.
5. Whether or not you choose to see a psychologist, I DO recommend writing things down, whether it be a diary, a blog,...or even what I am doing right now,...interacting on this forum and letting my thoughts be expressed. Back when I was first going to have my first psychologist appointment to have my autism diagnosis,...I knew I was NOT going to be able to verbalize much of what was going to be asked. So, I took a few months prior to make an itemized list of all the thoughts, experiences,...anything that "might be autistic",...a 172 things,...on my 1st draft! Knowing what I know now,...it might be closer to 200. But, had I NOT done this and presented it to my psychologist, I just would have never gotten all of these thoughts out, nor would the psychologist have asked the right questions or have had the level of understanding about me. It helped the psychologist,...but I think the process of this probably helped me more.

You may be a 27yr old female, and myself a 55yr old male,...but I have some understanding of what you are going through.

 

[Storm Hess]

It's okay to go to a therapist if i don't have nothing to say?
Have any of you an experience with emptiness? And how a therapist helped?

 

You may be surprised at how much you have to say when you get there. You won't know until you go.

 

[dark cloud]

I answer to all.

The worst scenario is that i might have never have something to say and maybe my emptiness is real, that maybe emptiness is my true nature and have nothing to offer.

Also i'm afraid because i know i have to do changes for example quit alcohol. I don't have specific dose i drink but i know i wouldn't mind if i would drank everyday alone. Lately i had drinking almost everyday a bottle of wine and 2-3 beers. I didn't know why. I couldn't stand i was alone and hadn't energy for anything.
The last time i drank was 2 days ago.

I had fights with friends in the past because they believe i put alcohol above them but now i try to repress the need for alcohol sometimes when i am with them except the times where we all drinking alcohol but I end up drink the most.

I don't know why i drink. The first thought i have in mind is because i'm bored easily and I need stimulation. I don't know if there is another reason.

I know if i start meds i have to stop alcohol and this was a difficulty in the past because alcohol acts immediately while meds slowly and i don't know for sure if they even act.

And for the thoughts i said in my first post i might express it through a story i already started to write. I don't support it through the story. The story is some kind of similar to the story of lolita. It's not the same exactly and the major difference is the predator is female and the victim a little boy.

I will try to go to a psychologist in September. I might tell her my thoughts too but i am going to think if i do it or not eventually. I don't want her to stigmatise me. I'm afraid because psychologists are people too they have their opinions and are not allowed to tell you

My friends tell me to try to go to a psychologist too because lately i think i might have ADHD too except autism.

 

[Aspychata]

Think the therapist is going to ask what you are covering up by self medication. If you feel empty, you need to tell your therapist this. Emptiness is not a disease, it's just how we feel. We on the spectrum have to find a special interest that gets us thru the day. Our special interests get us out of our brain. If you feel depressed, then you need to honestly tell your therapist. These are dark wormhole feelings to discuss but keeping them buried doesn't help you. I have seen a close friend , l believe step out of depression to some extent. But it was a tough time trying to see them during this part. I remember crying alot, it's like l picked up on how they felt. Now they seem relax and content. The therapist wants to bring you out of your funk, or they aren't worth seeing.

 

[AprilR]

I think it's worth a try. You don't have to have a Major problem to see a psychologist. In the worst case scenario you can just decide not to go any longer.
Also feelings of emptiness might be a sign of depression.

 

[Jordy]

It's okay to not want to go. I don't want to go either.