The spoken words "I need you"

[Keigan]

I have expressed those words for the first time in my life only a few days ago. And there is significant feeling behind them.

I am self-diagnosed AS and Alexithymic.

My question is; are these words that are common to others, common and with feeling behind them? I suspect not.

 

[Mia]

Don't think that I've ever said those words to anyone, ever. I learned as a young child to be as self-sufficient as possible.

 

[Judge]

My question is; are these words that are common to others, common and with feeling behind them? I suspect not.

I can't recall ever using them.

 

[xudo]

I can't recall ever using them.

Me neither.

 

[Streetwise]

i d

I have expressed those words for the first time in my life only a few days ago. And there is significant feeling behind them.

I am self-diagnosed AS and Alexithymic.

My question is; are these words that are common to others, common and with feeling behind them? I suspect not.

i DONT know if its possible for people on the autism spectrum to connect the word need with the feeling ,but boy do i try

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Not sure if I actually used them but they represent something crucial for me. I need more people in my life to appreciate me, and I need the people currently in my life to stop overreacting to me. It only makes things worse for everyone, period. I don't want that. I NEED that. I cannot afford to go into depression and I'm just happy that the number of people who appreciate me is not zero. And those who do really need to keep their emotions under control.

 

[Bolletje]

I have said this and meant it a few times in the last three years. It's still not easy for me to admit when I need someone, but I'm very glad I'm finally able to ask for support.

 

[Ambi]

I have expressed those words for the first time in my life only a few days ago. And there is significant feeling behind them.

I am self-diagnosed AS and Alexithymic.

My question is; are these words that are common to others, common and with feeling behind them? I suspect not.

I've never said or thought these words to anyone, actually - hadn't realized that until now! I think others sense it and that might be a problem for them. But....I think I have always, since childhood, just seen what others were willing or weren't willing to give, and tried to make up for the lack myself. I have certainly wanted and desired other people's love and company, very painfully, very strongly.....but I never felt I actually needed those things - or them.

 

[Judge]

I've never said or thought these words to anyone, actually - hadn't realized that until now! I think others sense it and that might be a problem for them.

It is a little weird to look at one's entire life to realize those of us who have never said this to anyone.

Is this really good, or really bad? Of course I suspect NTs would say it's really bad.

 

[Grandmother B]

It is a little weird to look at one's entire life to realize those of us who have never said this to anyone.

Is this really good, or really bad? Of course I suspect NTs would say it's really bad.

It could be either one, depending on how well you can function without it. We all need people at some point. But it is good that you can be self sufficient so that you can take care of yourself. But you might be surprised how good it would make someone in your family, or a friend, feel if you said these words to them.

 

[Judge]

But you might be surprised how good it would make someone in your family, or a friend, feel if you said these words to them.

Surprised? Maybe not. Especially if it's simply not in my nature to do so.

I suppose I could mimic doing such a thing, but without sincerity. With a risk that one might see right through it. Why lie to the contrary?

I live alone, have no friends at this point and only one family member I meet up with a few times a year. It's just a simple truth for me. I "need" no one in the most literal sense, apart from the reality that there is no one there for me anyways. Yet it doesn't make me a "bad person" either IMO.

 

[Leelu]

I assume you mean asking for emotional help, not asking for help with physical tasks.

I think I've only asked for emotional help from my husband, but not very often. At this point (after 25 years together) he knows when I need him to be nice, thoughtful and supportive though ... for the most part LOL.

Like others mentioned above I've never felt like anyone ever "needed" me (except husband and pets. Maybe my parents. Maybe my sister) or missed me when I was gone. Used to leave parties/gatherings in my 20s for a hour then go back to see if my "friends" even noticed I was missing. No one ever did. So now I try not to expect anything from anyone. I give and help others because that's my nature but I don't expect anything in return. It gets sad and lonely but I try to find joy elsewhere.

 

[Larisa]

I think it depends on the certain people's needs to hear the key phrase: I have a friend who really likes to say and to hear from me "I need you".
I guess what she means by 'needing' and I can sincerely reciprocate. My other friends like to say and hear from me "I miss you'.
As time passes between our meetings I'm starting to miss making contact with her and my other friends - I feel safe being myself with them, speaking about my feelings and my thoughts with them. Even though I see differences in opinions I and each of them share.
I feel less safe and adequate when I live without them for long.
I never feel TOTALLY accepted - it's impossible due to everyone being an individ with their individual point of view.
But I can understand my friends' points with their explaining, I understand their reasons of actions, I can see their way of thinking behind their conclusions and opinions.
I care for their lives, I'm interested to know the updates, I care for what their think and what they do, I'm interested how they pass their time and what they want to achieve.
I'm just very awkward in living the real world myself and I am mostly very busy sorting out my own experiences and figuring out what course of action I should take - that I forgot to call them frequently...
But I remember them on my own and miss them over the time.

 

[Larisa]

It could be either one, depending on how well you can function without it. We all need people at some point. But it is good that you can be self sufficient so that you can take care of yourself. But you might be surprised how good it would make someone in your family, or a friend, feel if you said these words to them.

Every person has their own 'reading' of the word.
When my mother said she 'needed' me - it was a demand to financially and emotionally provide for her (though she was quite not-old and quite healthy then).
I was terrified of the word for a while.
It is important to be allowed to discuss openly, in details - if the person understands the word (any word: help, love, friendship etc) in the same meaning as you do.
What is even more important - if the person ALWAYS admits possibility of misunderstanding between me and them.
And it takes me around 10 years to see if a person's words really correspond with their behavior.
A lot of people try to be percieved as 'good' - and they say 'good' things but these words do not affect their actual behaviour.
They are just incapable of actual proccessing the information - but they do not understand why I don't 'love' them and try to gain only distance from them.

 

[Stryla]

I dont know if i have ever said the words to anyone except as a case of "i need you to" sort of action request. But since, I realized within the last several months, that I "need" my husband. I would be lost and go to a bad place emotionally without him. The thought of him being gone makes me start going into panic mode. Im 38 years old, and it took me this long to find, or at least realize, that I have someone I need.

 

[TestToFumanity]

Coincidentally, I said 'I need you' to a random person in another online community and got a response 'Sorry I'm straight'.

Even tho I got turned down (a bit hurt, to be honest), I'm so glad I actually was able to tell that (well not vocally, but still) to someone else. It gets harder for an adult to ask someone for help in general. I'm not very self-sufficient at the moment, so I need others' help when I would be in a trouble. I don't think others would see me as someone weak and unmanly and cowardly for asking others for help.

 

[Bro'Freak]

I had it said to me the other day..., the person in question was very drunk & at a
loss emotionally. I'd already watched this friend hang off another guy that evening &
as the guys were out of touch that she was leaving without her hand bag I stepped
forward retrieving said bag to pass to her. Upon calling her back verbally to hold on
for bag, as soon as I got close she grabbed me & said 'I need you'. Well she is very
attractive & if I wasn't still unsettled after my last relationship + if she wasn't so
damn drunk I might have tested if she really needed me. After all she did know it
was me through all that Vodka, but I did the right thing. I sent her to a place that I
knew she'd be safe & have a safe bed for the night (she'd missed the last bus home
that night).

Found out the next day she'd made it to the sanctuary which made me feel good.

 

[TestToFumanity]

^ What a dick.

 

[Bro'Freak]

^ What a dick.

WTF..? I did the right thing & sent her home/a safe friends. If that idea had not been planted god knows what trouble she'd have been in (forgot to mention she'd had a run in with the police, who were still likely to collar her). It wouldn't have been right for myself taking care of her due to the amount of Vodka she'd drunk & her rapid ability to know & get through guys for comfort..., not forgetting the constant upset & fights she's always having with soon to be ex-boyfriends. Also the police thing was a little unsettling.

 

[TestToFumanity]

^ Nice try but you are making yourself look even worse. I'm not kidding.