The time I threw a decade worth of writing down the drain.

[Metalhead]

Fifteen years ago, I had a film criticism website which I added new content to weekly. I treated it like a second job for several years. I advertised it on film fandom forums and I was starting to build a decent audience.

But I was weak. My mother knew I advertised that I would publish new content every Friday evening, so she kept on demanding I spend every Friday evening at her place away from my computer so I could not make the promised updates. I moved the advertised time to Saturdays. Less than two weeks later, she starts demanding I spend Saturday nights at her place overnight. When I told my first AA sponsor about this, he told me I was throwing my mother under the bus and that I should have moved the scheduled time to Sunday evenings.

After hearing my mother scream at me about how she thought my “blog” was unhealthy for me, I shut the site down because I chose to buy alcohol over consuming to pay for web hosting. My mother told me she was proud of me for giving up that dream and being a mature adult for a change. Shortly after that, I erased everything I wrote for that website, all 2,000 reviews.

I threw my hopes and dreams down a drain because I was stupid and I was weak and I had no personal boundaries.

 

[Mary Terry]

Can you move to a place without your mother? I remember years ago when you sometimes posted your film reviews here. (I think it was you, although it could've been someone else). It seems she frequently sabotages your life. What prevents you from living independently from her?

 

[Judge]

Can you move to a place without your mother? I remember years ago when you sometimes posted your film reviews here. (I think it was you, although it could've been someone else). It seems she frequently sabotages your life. What prevents you from living independently from her?

That seems critical under the circumstances. Otherwise the OP is exposed to endless toxicity that clearly impacts his mental health. Perhaps an extreme option, but it would seem appropriate.

Relocate, and don't tell family members where you reside. If they continue to violate your privacy, you can always file a restraining order against them. Even your own parents.

 

[Aspychata]

Toxic parents are the hardest mental chain to break. I have a hands-off approach with my mom, my brother and l no longer talk, but l hate his wife, so l guess l am okay with that. She was extremely disrespectful of my partner, so good riddance. You can disrespect me, but my partner, that's full on war. Lol

 

[Judge]

Toxic parents are the hardest mental chain to break. I have a hands-off approach with my mom, my brother and l no longer talk, but l hate his wife, so l guess l am okay with that. She was extremely disrespectful of my partner, so good riddance. You can disrespect me, but my partner, that's full on war. Lol

Reminds me of how awkward my relationships with women were to my own mother.

To be blunt, she liked none of them.

 

[DrBadStrings]

Fifteen years ago, I had a film criticism website which I added new content to weekly. I treated it like a second job for several years. I advertised it on film fandom forums and I was starting to build a decent audience.

But I was weak. My mother knew I advertised that I would publish new content every Friday evening, so she kept on demanding I spend every Friday evening at her place away from my computer so I could not make the promised updates. I moved the advertised time to Saturdays. Less than two weeks later, she starts demanding I spend Saturday nights at her place overnight. When I told my first AA sponsor about this, he told me I was throwing my mother under the bus and that I should have moved the scheduled time to Sunday evenings.

After hearing my mother scream at me about how she thought my “blog” was unhealthy for me, I shut the site down because I chose to buy alcohol over consuming to pay for web hosting. My mother told me she was proud of me for giving up that dream and being a mature adult for a change. Shortly after that, I erased everything I wrote for that website, all 2,000 reviews.

I threw my hopes and dreams down a drain because I was stupid and I was weak and I had no personal boundaries.

Honestly dude it sounds like you should tell your mother to mind her own affairs and get back to writing.

Also that expression "throwing my mother under the bus ", I have never once heard or read this where the comment was apt. I know it's not apt as I was literally run over by a travel bus as a child. Unless your mothers action stopped your heart and put you in the intensive care unit for months, nothing like being thrown under a bus.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Fifteen years ago, I had a film criticism website which I added new content to weekly. I treated it like a second job for several years. I advertised it on film fandom forums and I was starting to build a decent audience.

But I was weak. My mother knew I advertised that I would publish new content every Friday evening, so she kept on demanding I spend every Friday evening at her place away from my computer so I could not make the promised updates. I moved the advertised time to Saturdays. Less than two weeks later, she starts demanding I spend Saturday nights at her place overnight.

The less you tell her, the better. Though her behavior is in no way your fault.

When I told my first AA sponsor about this, he told me I was throwing my mother under the bus and that I should have moved the scheduled time to Sunday evenings.

I think people like that make these situations so hard. A lot of my mom's behavior can look innocent to outsiders, or when seen out of context. It's fairly easy for people to believe her sob stories, even though she's always the victim, which is unrealistic. So they downplay my complaints, especially if I don't want to go into all the really personal things she's put me through. If you have any family/friends who really do you hear you, definitely rely on them. That's what's helped me to move on. Family often want the illusion of happiness and unity, and most people are pretty spineless when it comes to aggressors. So you may not get help from where you'd most expect to find it.

After hearing my mother scream at me about how she thought my “blog” was unhealthy for me, I shut the site down because I chose to buy alcohol over consuming to pay for web hosting.

You know your mind better than I do, but it sounds like you chose alcohol to numb the pain she caused, because she won't let you have a mind. She won't let you exist.

I threw my hopes and dreams down a drain because I was stupid and I was weak and I had no personal boundaries.

Not stupid, weak, or without boundaries. Just under attack. You're being forced to fight a war where you're the only one on your side. She can only fight with a ton of cheerleaders helping her. You're still here.

 

[saturnv]

You deserve to be happy and do things that are enjoyable to you such as reviewing movies. Dedicating enough time and attention to create so much is impressive. I believe you could do something equally impressive again, if you want to.

 

[jsilver256]

If you DM me the website address, I have a scraper which automatically and recursively will lift the archived Internet versions.

 

[Shamar]

Fifteen years ago, I had a film criticism website which I added new content to weekly. I treated it like a second job for several years. I advertised it on film fandom forums and I was starting to build a decent audience.

But I was weak. My mother knew I advertised that I would publish new content every Friday evening, so she kept on demanding I spend every Friday evening at her place away from my computer so I could not make the promised updates. I moved the advertised time to Saturdays. Less than two weeks later, she starts demanding I spend Saturday nights at her place overnight. When I told my first AA sponsor about this, he told me I was throwing my mother under the bus and that I should have moved the scheduled time to Sunday evenings.

After hearing my mother scream at me about how she thought my “blog” was unhealthy for me, I shut the site down because I chose to buy alcohol over consuming to pay for web hosting. My mother told me she was proud of me for giving up that dream and being a mature adult for a change. Shortly after that, I erased everything I wrote for that website, all 2,000 reviews.

I threw my hopes and dreams down a drain because I was stupid and I was weak and I had no personal boundaries.

You are a lot stronger now - - I have watched you get stronger. If this is something you like and are presumably good at, go back to it. Make some time by cutting out the games. Eventually, maybe, you can start to make some money with it. And don't let your mother control you.

 

[Metalhead]

I am going to start writing about everything I watch starting when I get home from work today. I will work on bringing a better website back. I held on to this regret for 15 years. I think perhaps it is time for this particular regret to stop feasting on my insides.

 

[DrBadStrings]

I am going to start writing about everything I watch starting when I get home from work today. I will work on bringing a better website back. I held on to this regret for 15 years. I think perhaps it is time for this particular regret to stop feasting on my insides.

Well, until you're ready with the website please share some reviews here with us.

 

[stevens]

If someone did that to me, I would hold a funeral for them and speak of them as if they were dead. And then, I would never speak with them again.

 

[FilterFreq]

You definitely weren't stupid or weak, but I'm glad you learned to set better boundaries. Honestly, it's all a learning experience anyway. Nobody has this stuff figured out, especially when they're younger. Desiring to get along better with people in your life just proves you have a real heart and actually care about others, so you sound pretty strong to me.

There's some strength in loss, though. I've lost a ton of things over the years (my own artwork, music, entire albums, photography, writings and so forth) and really, it's only emboldened me to hit harder and keep creating in spite of whatever gets lost in the meantime. Because honestly, I misplace things all the time.

(Spoiler alert -- the more you make, the more you stand to lose. But you don't lose your experience!)

Anyway, I've struggled, toiled and learned so much throughout the years that at this point I can now say, "Well, that stuff I lost was absolute crap in comparison to what I can do now". And if I lose something in progress, I can do even better tomorrow, because I'm still the same person I was yesterday with just a little more experience.

Just remember -- that experience, that knowledge... it didn't go anywhere. It's still inside of you!

 

[Metalhead]

I feel like I want to make a movie discussion group. People to discuss high art and low art with. Who wants to join me on this?