aspieman2396
Well-Known Member
There's a lot of things in my life that got me to the state I am now, but I will start at when I left home to go to college , I felt like I made it in life and ready for the next chapter of my life but all that came crashing down a couple of months later and almost resulted in me dying. I had to come back home to my parents house and they were not happy at all and I'm in their control. I still am trying to break free and be my independent self again, I hate being controlled, it's a residual effect on how I was back then because I was really loopy back then. The following semesters were a lot of ups and downs but now I am close to finishing my associates at my community college and transferring to university so all was not lost.
However my emotional and mental state aren't in the best state right now. I had to come home to my parents arguing and them telling me that it's my fault for stupid things and also me and my mother (estranged, biological) cut ties officially this year. It was a hard decision for me to do and I feel like crying whenever I think about her, I want to pick up the phone, I want to her but it's hard when your mother reacts to your diagnosis by saying that she didn't want a "retarded child" and feels entitled to a phone call from ME every week. So I drew the line at that.
As a result of all of these events and being almost sent away to the middle of nowhere to live with my aunt as a result of my failures in 2015, I am in a state of shock and it has resulted in my anxiety and emotional stability spiraling out of control. Recently, my dad and his family are feuding and it trickled down to me and my stepmom (we usually have a good relationship, but now I am considering making it a just business), she was throwing a fit and accusing me of embarrassing her and humiliating her and doing things behind her back because my family came over to my house OUT OF NOWHERE while she was away and I responded in a not-kindly saying that if she continued to talk like that I would hang up, I didn't want to hear her accusing me and my dad of things that were not true and on top of that my Dad was being treated like crap from them. Now she wants my head as Christmas/new years decorations, I don't know how to deal with this and I am trying to not let it bother me but she's very upset and that is messing with me right now. I sent her an apology message, she never read it. it's that bad. my anxiety is going to mount when she comes back and yells at me.
I work at a supermarket, dealing with douche-bag customers all day, this year I enrolled into an internship program trying to get a better paying job but I had to leave to focus on school and due to burnout. my dad came back recently from a business trip and made the comment that if i didn't mess up my first semester, I would have it Made right now. I have never felt this upset and frustrated at myself. I know that I need to work on myself, but that is going to take some time. What I need right now is peace, quiet and calm so that I can begin my recovery from all of the issues I had.
With that being said however,
I will not give up on my dream of being happy, independent and successful. But it's hard when you have a dysfunctional family being mad at you and being mad at the world.
However my emotional and mental state aren't in the best state right now. I had to come home to my parents arguing and them telling me that it's my fault for stupid things and also me and my mother (estranged, biological) cut ties officially this year. It was a hard decision for me to do and I feel like crying whenever I think about her, I want to pick up the phone, I want to her but it's hard when your mother reacts to your diagnosis by saying that she didn't want a "retarded child" and feels entitled to a phone call from ME every week. So I drew the line at that.
As a result of all of these events and being almost sent away to the middle of nowhere to live with my aunt as a result of my failures in 2015, I am in a state of shock and it has resulted in my anxiety and emotional stability spiraling out of control. Recently, my dad and his family are feuding and it trickled down to me and my stepmom (we usually have a good relationship, but now I am considering making it a just business), she was throwing a fit and accusing me of embarrassing her and humiliating her and doing things behind her back because my family came over to my house OUT OF NOWHERE while she was away and I responded in a not-kindly saying that if she continued to talk like that I would hang up, I didn't want to hear her accusing me and my dad of things that were not true and on top of that my Dad was being treated like crap from them. Now she wants my head as Christmas/new years decorations, I don't know how to deal with this and I am trying to not let it bother me but she's very upset and that is messing with me right now. I sent her an apology message, she never read it. it's that bad. my anxiety is going to mount when she comes back and yells at me.
I work at a supermarket, dealing with douche-bag customers all day, this year I enrolled into an internship program trying to get a better paying job but I had to leave to focus on school and due to burnout. my dad came back recently from a business trip and made the comment that if i didn't mess up my first semester, I would have it Made right now. I have never felt this upset and frustrated at myself. I know that I need to work on myself, but that is going to take some time. What I need right now is peace, quiet and calm so that I can begin my recovery from all of the issues I had.
With that being said however,
I will not give up on my dream of being happy, independent and successful. But it's hard when you have a dysfunctional family being mad at you and being mad at the world.
