Things people say to you, & how to respond.

[Mia]

I have a hard time responding to people, with the daily questions I'm asked.
Especially when I worked. Some of the questions such as:

Are you married?
Do you have children?
What do you do for a living?

Don't like answering people, my life is not their business. Yet still feel compelled to say something. Came across this today:

(This is related to having children)

None. Give people nothing.

They: “Are you planning to have kids?”

You: “Ooh, we get asked that a lot.”

If your questioner doesn’t accept that as an answer and presses for more, then you say: “We get asked that a lot.” A little eyebrow-raise says, “Get it?”

Perspective | Carolyn Hax: Have you ever thought about adopting some manners?


So I think when people ask about marriage/boyfriends/girlfriends/jobs/children/grandchildren.

I'm going to say: "I get asked that a lot"


Note: Think I may have been influenced by OK Rad's similar question.

What would your response be to these questions?

 

[Streetwise]

people never ask me now i wouldnt respond i think im seen as strange

I have a hard time responding to people, with the daily questions I'm asked. Especially when I worked. Some of the questions such as:
Are you married?
Do you have children?
What do you do for a living?

Don't like answering people, my life is not their business. Yet still feel compelled to say something. Came across this today:

(This is related to having children)

None. Give people nothing.

You say you’ll mention “occasionally” that you’re trying. It’s your prerogative, of course, but since it’s inviting commentary you don’t want, I urge you to stop mentioning it entirely.

They: “Are you planning to have kids?”

You: “Ooh, we get asked that a lot.”

If your questioner doesn’t accept that as an answer and presses for more, then you say: “We get asked that a lot.” A little eyebrow-raise says, “Get it?”

Perspective | Carolyn Hax: Have you ever thought about adopting some manners?


So I think when people ask about marriage/boyfriends/girlfriends/jobs/children/grandchildren.

I'm going to say: "I get asked that a lot"

What would your response be to these questions?[/QUO

 

[DuckRabbit]

I have a hard time responding to people, with the daily questions I'm asked. Especially when I worked. Some of the questions such as:
Are you married?
Do you have children?
What do you do for a living?

Don't like answering people, my life is not their business. Yet still feel compelled to say something. Came across this today:

(This is related to having children)

None. Give people nothing.

You say you’ll mention “occasionally” that you’re trying. It’s your prerogative, of course, but since it’s inviting commentary you don’t want, I urge you to stop mentioning it entirely.

They: “Are you planning to have kids?”

You: “Ooh, we get asked that a lot.”

If your questioner doesn’t accept that as an answer and presses for more, then you say: “We get asked that a lot.” A little eyebrow-raise says, “Get it?”

Perspective | Carolyn Hax: Have you ever thought about adopting some manners?


So I think when people ask about marriage/boyfriends/girlfriends/jobs/children/grandchildren.

I'm going to say: "I get asked that a lot"

What would your response be to these questions?

"Why do you ask?" can be a good way of angling the spot-light of intrusion back on the other person.

 

[Katleya]

Ooh, I like that. I'm going to start using it.
But will people get the hint, though? Some people happily ask the most intrusive questions ever, and I can't help but wonder if they have the ability to understand what they just did.

 

[fairy_girl]

It depends on the person and if they are actually interested or just asking to start some kind of small talk with me while I browse for some clothes. I guess I have that approachable look alot in public.

 

[Mia]

Another nosy question: When do you plan on having a family?

My husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner is my family.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Do you have a girlfriend?

What did you do at the weekend?

Simple questions, simple answers but not your business!

Nobody asks anymore, I'm very avoidant.

Knowing other people's business is also what I don't want. So I give my wife the acronym as my resonse
NMB. - not my business.

Second works better in England as it's also an insult.
NOB. Not our business.

My usual answer to the weekend question was 'not much'
As it was such a relief to stay in when I was working.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Another nosy question: When do you plan on having a family?

My husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner is my family.

Once in front of me in a shop ( I always try to think of alternative ways of saying things)
The customer was being asked lots of questions about her boyfriend and how close they were...
'Oh are you courting?'

My translation..
You must be hard at it...
You must be getting it every which way..

Are you courting? kind of means that but my version ends in arrest.

Thinking back I was asked this when younger didn't know what it meant at the time.
'Courting disaster'

 

[Alaska]

My Dad had a unique way of deflecting unwanted questions. He used to reply something like, "What do you want to know for? Are you writing a book? If someone was foolhardy enough to pursue it after that, he would say, "I guess you'll have to leave that part out".

He would smile and use a friendly tone of voice for the first part and a blank or serious expression and tone for the last. I never saw anyone continue past his serious part.

I am not certain I could pull this technique off as well as my Dad managed, but am thinking of trying it.

 

[Chance]

My Dad had a unique way of deflecting unwanted questions. He used to reply something like, "What do you want to know for? Are you writing a book? If someone was foolhardy enough to pursue it after that, he would say, "I guess you'll have to leave that part out".

He would smile and use a friendly tone of voice for the first part and a blank or serious expression and tone for the last. I never saw anyone continue past his serious part.

I am not certain I could pull this technique off as well as my Dad managed, but am thinking of trying it.

I'm more like your dad! I try to just end it but I hate answering a question with a question because I just made the conversation continue and thats the opposite of what I want...

Of course it depends on the person, and the situation. If its a stranger I do consider they have no idea that I battle ASD. I just smile make it short as possible and move on. If its a jerk wanting to force themselves into my life I will just look at them and not answer... Thats rude or I am told it is, but I simply don't care to have the conversation at all, so I don't. Sometimes I just tell people "I don't like talking much... I see no benefit in it." They usually leave me alone, and I have also ran off a potential friend.

I try so hard to not be rude, but I just don't trust most people. Rarely a person will approach me and I feel this good feeling (I don't know how I feel it, but I do) and those few people I allow to talk with me. Sometimes in very rare cases I enjoy being with a genuine person. I actually try very hard to be accommodating to these special people. They are very rare and very much worth the time to be around.

It all just depends on lots of things with me, but I get what Mia is saying very well... : )

 

[xudo]

The kids one is easy for me, because they're never expecting a woman of child bearing age to say "no, we don't like children."

 

[Streetwise]

I'm more like your dad! I try to just end it but I hate answering a question with a question because I just made the conversation continue and thats the opposite of what I want...

Of course it depends on the person, and the situation. If its a stranger I do consider they have no idea that I battle ASD. I just smile make it short as possible and move on. If its a jerk wanting to force themselves into my life I will just look at them and not answer... Thats rude or I am told it is, but I simply don't care to have the conversation at all, so I don't. Sometimes I just tell people "I don't like talking much... I see no benefit in it." They usually leave me alone, and I have also ran off a potential friend.

I try so hard to not be rude, but I just don't trust most people. Rarely a person will approach me and I feel this good feeling (I don't know how I feel it, but I do) and those few people I allow to talk with me. Sometimes in very rare cases I enjoy being with a genuine person. I actually try very hard to be accommodating to these special people. They are very rare and very much worth the time to be around.

It all just depends on lots of things with me, but I get what Mia is saying very well... : )

I used to be like alaskas dad but i think coming from n.e.england we talk !now im wary .
I still really what to answer the phone like the comedian Alan Davies dad ,phone rings, Alan's dads reply to the caller ,in a very irritated manner 'what' !

 

[Chance]

I used to be like alaskas dad but i think coming from n.e.england we talk !now im wary .
I still really what to answer the phone like the comedian Alan Davies dad ,phone rings, Alan's dads reply to the caller ,in a very irritated manner 'what' !

I would fear calling you at that point... : )
I often just don't answer mine and let the calls go to voicemail and only call back the ones that had a real issue that needs to be discussed. People even say, "I don't call you because you don't answer..." I just smile and think your lucky if I answer your text also.
I no longer even have a house phone... Its a waste of life mostly. I often want to go use my cell phone as a fishing lure without the line attached.

I look at it this way. I bought the phone to use for necessary use at my discretion. I have no need to use it to socialize or allow it to become a burden... The telemarketers make me angry... They have nothing I want, if so I would call them.

I suck at talking on the phone, even worse than I do in person... Thats just bad.

 

[Chance]

I get tired of being asked if I'm married. The lack of a wedding band should be enough of an indicator, but I get the question more times than not. I still don't understand why people ask that, especially perfect strangers; but it's probably like @fairy_girl said about starting small talk. That's something I have never been able to understand; why do some people feel compelled to engage perfect strangers in conversation?

Anyway, one time I had someone ask me about my marital status when I was not in a good mood. I looked at them and said, "She's dead. Was murdered." Talk about clamming up real fast and losing interest in small talk.

Thats bad, but I like it! The shock factor is way out there... : )

 

[Streetwise]

I would fear calling you at that point... : )
I often just don't answer mine and let the calls go to voicemail and only call back the ones that had a real issue that needs to be discussed. People even say, "I don't call you because you don't answer..." I just smile and think your lucky if I answer your text also.
I no longer even have a house phone... Its a waste of life mostly. I often want to go use my cell phone as a fishing lure without the line attached.

I look at it this way. I bought the phone to use for necessary use at my discretion. I have no need to use it to socialize or allow it to become a burden... The telemarketers make me angry... They have nothing I want, if so I would call them.

I suck at talking on the phone, even worse than I do in person... Thats just bad.

I agree with the comedian Stephen fry if someone stood in front of a perfect stranger or not and banged on whatever surface saying continually "answer me -basically you have no choice but to answer me "would you be polite ?I'd be livid !

 

[Gracey]

I think it depends what sort of mood I'm in and how tolerant or how much patience I have in that moment. I think those things determine my answer (more often than not)

 

[Gracey]

I agree with the comedian Stephen fry if someone stood in front of a perfect stranger or not and banged on whatever surface saying continually "answer me -basically you have no choice but to answer me "would you be polite ?I'd be livid !

I'd agree,
Banging on a surface whilst demanding an answer?
That would really offend me. (Taking away my choice)
I'm certain I'd remain silent in pure protest.

 

[Mia]

Responses to:

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

1. I'm in love, I have a relationship with pizza. (Or any kind of food)
2. I like cats or dogs or birds or horses or other pets.
3. Don't know why anyone would want a boyfriend/girlfriend, too much drama for me.

 

[Chance]

Responses to:

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

1. I'm in love, I have a relationship with pizza. (Or any kind of food)
2. I like cats or dogs or birds or horses or other pets.
3. Don't know why anyone would want a boyfriend/girlfriend, too much drama for me.

Small talk... : ( it drains my mind too fast... I simply cant connect the emotions during a conversation like that, so I usually say something stupid. I do try hard to replace emotional stuff with witty stuff but thats often a fail also. I like Quietville real well it seems.

Sometimes I wish I had a shirt or a sign that said...

BEWARE: This guy has ASD
He is prone to say stupid things if he opens his mouth
Just don't go there for your own sanity's sake


Its a modern version of how the lepers warned others in the days of old... : )

 

[Mia]

I was thinking of printing a business card:

"Non-verbal" Look it up.