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Think I lost another friend

Markness

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I have mentioned my friend who was teaching me martial arts and doing other activities with me here before. Last month, those things largely ceased. He started telling me he was too busy to meet and we would try again the next time. This happened maybe four times in a row. It got discouraging to keep seeing this.

One of our other activities involved meeting with other friends to play tabletop games. On the day of the disappointing Meet Up event in Austin, the “core” of the group decided to excommunicate me. Since then, my friend has been silent. I gave him a call last night and only got his voicemail. I left him a message. I don’t feel ill will towards him, just disappointment. We hung out outside this group so our friendship shouldn’t fall apart just because two other “friends” had problems with me.
 
Gah.

What a mess.

You know this just occured to me that maybe your friend groups are kind of toxic because they may be going through the same stuff as you and it's not working out for them either. Maybe the friends you see "in relationships" are actually friends in miserable relationships; the friend groups that excommunicate one another like Cardinal Fang & the Inquisition obviously have zero clue how to be actually friends with another human being. I say that because my friends & I all disagree about loads of stuff but still stick together.

Friends aren't like what you dealt with .

To some of my friends I'm the 'more conservative one' and to others I'm the terrifyingly leftist one. Depends on who you ask and how long they've been kissing up to their media presenter of choice. Yet we all get along. Friends support one another not out of utility but out of appreciation for the other person. Some of my friend have be great about this. Other people wanted me for something. We aren't friends any more.

You proved yourself on here, recently, with going to your temperance bar--offering people advice on curated heavy metal (And it was real metal too and not some milquetoast imitation stuff)--sharing your very imaginative and interestng writing--and in general finding a chance for your outlook to brighten up considerably. You've been a friend to a lot of people. When other people need help you're right there. In fact you're making yourself a little cooler (and sometimes a lot cooler) every day.

Let bygones be bygones; their RPG group won't last if it's like this. You can find better qualities of people.
 
I had learned a bit about transactional "friendships" and, while rough at times, I learned not to take things personally. It is hard, though, when people you thought of as friends reject you. One I had thought of as a friend had disappointed me big time. He was interested in paleontology, so I shared my knowledge and experience, taking him to important sites and introducing him to people I knew at the Royal Ontario Museum. So, one day he mentioned about going to the King Tut exhibit at the Field Museum and when I professed interest in seeing it, he told me that he was going with friends and there was no room for me. Since then I have been far more careful about who are friends and who will remain arms-length acquaintences.

On Christmas day I will be joining some very accepting friends for a dinner (We are all vaccinated and boosted). The assignment is to bring some comfort food to share, so I will be making the gloppy but delicious Campbell's Green Bean Casserole. Comfort food for us in flyover country.
 
Does anybody do some old fashioned stuff anymore really? So winnowing grain is done with this big shallow wicker tray thing. You toss up the crushed grain and the chaff blows away, as its lighter.

That's where the saying about separating the wheat from the chaff comes from.

I say keep winnowing and give yourself some credit for being awesome. At least you are trying now. So you are still too wierd to get along with folks, do not despair. That is just like being a stranger in a strange and foriegn land. Its culture and like nerves. Good job, keep trying. Ps I talk to the cat so what do I know anyways
 
If the people in my developmental years who both mentally and physically harmed me as well as two of my ex-friends found out I still don’t have a girlfriend and still work the same job, it would crush me for good.
 
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It looks like you're saying you'd allow yourself to be ashamed, to feel humiliated,
if your circumstances were known by these people.

Why does what they think matter so much?
 
tree said:
It looks like you're saying you'd allow yourself to be ashamed, to feel humiliated,
if your circumstances were known by these people.

Why does what they think matter so much?
Click to expand...

I wanted to prove them wrong. I wish I had victories to respond to them about.
 
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Markness said:
If the people in my developmental years who both mentally and physically harmed me as well as two of my ex-friends found out I still don’t have a girlfriend and still work the same job, it would crush me for good.
Click to expand...
@Markness, why should what these people think even register? Your revenge should be a good life for yourself. And from the view here you are feeling your way to that. Your aspirations only need you to feel the value you have as yourself, which I think is considerable. That is why I'm hoping for the best between you and the book store clerk. Ask her out for coffee, yet?
 
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Markness said:
If the people in my developmental years who both mentally and physically harmed me as well as two of my ex-friends found out I still don’t have a girlfriend and still work the same job, it would crush me for good.
Click to expand...
@Markness, why should what these people think even register? Your revenge should be a good life for yourself. That is why I'm hoping for the best between you and the book store clerk. Ask her out for coffee, yet?
 
UPDATE: I heard back from the friend today and he hasn’t changed his mind about me. The holidays are just a busy time for him.

@Gerald Wilgus, I didn’t see her the last time I was at B&N. I am waiting for a book that’s supposed to come to the store on the 21st so maybe I’ll see her again?
 
Markness said:
UPDATE: I heard back from the friend today and he hasn’t changed his mind about me. The holidays are just a busy time for him.

@Gerald Wilgus, I didn’t see her the last time I was at B&N. I am waiting for a book that’s supposed to come to the store on the 21st so maybe I’ll see her again?
Click to expand...
On the winter solstice I hope to hear good news from you. I wish you happiness.
 
Markness said:
UPDATE: I heard back from the friend today and he hasn’t changed his mind about me. The holidays are just a busy time for him.

@Gerald Wilgus, I didn’t see her the last time I was at B&N. I am waiting for a book that’s supposed to come to the store on the 21st so maybe I’ll see her again?
Click to expand...

Sometimes "we do nothing and everything gets done". You have experienced this first hand.
It can be hard to be patient because we want what we want NOW. But, as you now know, when we get what we want later, it still makes us feel happy.
 
Kalinychta said:
Why do you think you were excommunicated from the group?
Click to expand...

One person is very hotheaded and has the brain of a 16 year old inside a 50+ body. He wants an 18 year old girl to marry him, cook as well as clean everything, and do NFSW actions on command. Not surprisingly, he’s still a bachelor. He kept thinking I didn’t respect his “castle” (A dumpy apartment) and that’s incorrect.

The second person liked me but thought I didn’t roleplay enough and didn’t “know” me. That I find strange because I talked as much as I could.
 
Markness said:
One person is very hotheaded and has the brain of a 16 year old inside a 50+ body. He wants an 18 year old girl to marry him, cook as well as clean everything, and do NFSW actions on command. Not surprisingly, he’s still a bachelor. He kept thinking I didn’t respect his “castle” (A dumpy apartment) and that’s incorrect.

The second person liked me but thought I didn’t roleplay enough and didn’t “know” me. That I find strange because I talked as much as I could.
Click to expand...
Oh, I get creeped out by people like that 50+ guy. Having worked hard to be independent when I reached adulthood, I don't understand that kind of thinking. Sad that the other person may not have been good at hearing you. Chalk it up to an incompatibility of outlook. Yah, it stings, but I'm sure you will persevere. Best wishes.
 
I wonder if gaining a new friend at a pop culture con for the first time in my life is a sign of a better future?

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Flown said:
This looks like a lot of fun! <3
Click to expand...

Oh, it was! It ended the previous year on a good note and will hopefully set the tone for this one! I am not going to get my hopes up but if the universe decides that cute lady is to be my lover, I would be so happy!

Have you attended an anime con before? If so, which one?
 
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