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*This forum sucks*

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Dadamen

Well-Known Member
So, I thought this will be a place where I meet like-minded people, but it is not like that. In fact, here for me it is even worse and harder to establish communication than with NTs.

The first major problem for me here is interest. My "special interests" are mostly things that many NTs are also interested in to some level such as sports and weather. Here noone has these interests. Neither of interests in topic "obsessions and interests" is compatible to mine.
Second, although I am (probably) also on spectrum, I often find myself having poor empathy for people that are also on spectrum, sometimes I wonder if I also hate myself for being on spectrum.

I wonder if I could have another disorder like antisocial.
 
I don't know, mate. But I wouldn't have thought it would be a good idea to say the forum sucks. LOL.

Unfortunately, many forums online can be crappy environments for sure, especially if they're run by folk who are too power mad and full of trolls.

Hopefully you will feel better this time tomorrow, though.
 
I don't share those interests, but I can relate to your feelings. I am diagnosed, but can have a hard time fitting in with NT and Autistic people alike. It really depends on the individual, and there aren't many. I don't share the stereotypical interests for either. It can also be hard having interests more common with NTs, but which you enjoy in a more Autistic way. (Sorry...this paragraph isn't so clear or worded the best way. I'm pretty fried from work.)

I've also had to get over some internalized hate regarding Autistic traits. My dad had them, and I didn't want to be like him. That's one way I learned to mask. Maybe you went through something similar. I can accept all that stuff now, though. I'm glad I do.

It seems harder and harder to connect with people. Throughout the world, people say they're lonely. Yet, our trust in each other keeps diminishing.
 
I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think of you, as life is too short to dwell on arrogance. Some people are like this just to attempt to rile you up, because they're desperate for attention.

Go for a walk. It usually helps to clear your mind, if at least for a few hours.
 
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Sorry this forum doesn't suit you. This forum as helped me be a better person, have more empathy, and understand other points of view.
 
Hey, it's funny you should mention Wrong Planet, because I started posting on there again as "PeterHoping44" after noticing that my account was no longer suspended. :p

I did rejoin with another account once, but they banned that one too after figuring out I'd signed up again to basically dodge a ban. Since I've gone back there though, I've not had any problems (posting with my original nickname). Must be under different management now, or whatever. But I do recall members there being pompous, snot nosed roody-poos in the past.

Like, I recall I went into a long tangent about hurtful issues I experienced with my ex support workers, and it's like the crap on the video games message boards too. Some people understand and seem to be genuinely caring individuals, but others are... well, dumb as all hell, I guess?

Honestly, it was like trying to get blood from a stone talking to some of those members, I swear. Then I'd post, defend myself, rant and rave even more, attempt to point out their flaws, and I'd feel like my energy was being wasted on chatting to babyish morons. So sometimes us autistic people have to sort of "train our minds" not to fall for the ridiculous bait. Because, yeah. I do think even other 'aspies' can still knife each other in the back, if they see that you're potentially weak, socially inept, or something to that effect. However, I'm now wise to folk like that, so I know when you need to put on those brakes. ;)
 
On other forums, you can be censored if you say something the users just don't like reading. It happens a lot on GameFAQs, or even on YouTube channels where people are paid to promote a certain product. They think anybody who says the polar opposite of what a high ranking company wants you to reiterate, makes you a troll. They think you're just there stirring up trouble, when all you're really doing is posting an opinion. That's not trolling.

At the end of the day, they just don't want to hear you say anything bad about a game or a company, or whatever it is. It's the same with music as well. Say that Rihanna can't sing, and you'll notice some fan of hers ready to pounce. She was an example, by the way. But I always believe you should be a [polite] version of you. Firm, yes, and true to yourself, but polite.

Then if anything, you cannot be accused of not trying to be nice.
 
Dadamen said:
Second, although I am (probably) also on spectrum, I often find myself having poor empathy for people that are also on spectrum, sometimes I wonder if I also hate myself for being on spectrum.
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This sounds like an opportunity for important learning. Another use of the forum besides just connection.
 
Also, isn’t connection still always going to be on a personal, one to one level? Where do we get the notion that all NDs will fit in the group as compared to NTs? It seems like the spectrum we speak of so often is so much more gray and blends right into the realm of NT. So there is no reason to expect to perfectly fit somewhere.

My connection is still felt on a one-to-one basis. The group as a whole is very interesting to me, but the connections are with singular people.
 
There have been a few members on here that seem not to like or have empathy for other autistic people (or have overtly said so), even to the point of categorically bashing us, and on one hand, I genuinely feel bad for whatever terrible experiences they may have had with clearly the wrong people, but on the other hand, I’m baffled by the level of internalized hatred.
Maybe something that could be worked out with a counselor who could help with some soul-searching?
Not saying that in a sarcastic or offensive way, btw, it is coming from a place of concern. I battled internalized fatphobia for more than half of my life. It happens but it can be overcome.
 
Forums are not that active any longer. I struggle to find any active ones where people have similar interests and feelings. I'm probably going to retire just before the summer. I feel they're just not for me anymore. But I had a good run. So I have nothing to feel sad about in that regard. But I'm 37, and I think it may be time to hang up my boots.
 
Orange Creme said:
On other forums, you can be censored if you say something the users just don't like reading. It happens a lot on GameFAQs, or even on YouTube channels where people are paid to promote a certain product. They think anybody who says the polar opposite of what a high ranking company wants you to reiterate, makes you a troll. They think you're just there stirring up trouble, when all you're really doing is posting an opinion. That's not trolling.

At the end of the day, they just don't want to hear you say anything bad about a game or a company, or whatever it is. It's the same with music as well. Say that Rihanna can't sing, and you'll notice some fan of hers ready to pounce. She was an example, by the way. But I always believe you should be a [polite] version of you. Firm, yes, and true to yourself, but polite.

Then if anything, you cannot be accused of not trying to be nice.
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Technically you're not wrong, but from their point of view they have to keep the lights on and keep the place civil enough so it's technically their right to omit anything that goes against their beliefs, mission, etc. If it's not a symbiotic relationship of sorts then you just end up with a bunch of chaos. My above post literally got edited because it was factually inaccurate and they had every right to do so.

There's an unspoken rule (or many) about tact in situations like this and how to navigate them (I fail at these, too, it's going to happen), but there's almost always a better way to phrase things like, "Rihanna sucks!" (although that's my opinion, too).
 
Looks like it's simply up to the fact that people on the spectrum are very different. Just like post-covid syndrome, one syndrome, but may present as shortness of breath, tiredness, or neurological or gastrointestinal issues.

The fact that most surprised me here is that social and humanistic topics, such as history, literature, religion, films and music are often special interests. I HATED these subjects at school. Dostoyevski's "Crime and punishment" was impossible to understand for me. I think that asd has made me unable to understand more complex books. Films are even worse because they include facial expressions and face recognition (I'm also face-blind to some level, recognizing only familiar faces), no way I memorize actors.

Another thing that surprised me is that many people with ASD love dogs. For me, dogs are mostly like extroverted neurotypicals with no understanding of personal space. If off leash they will jump to me and want to play, although I don't want to play with them. They also have hard-to-understand body language (just like people) and make me think that they will attack me. So, because of misinterpreting their intentions, I have become afraid of them.
 
Dadamen said:
For me, dogs are mostly like extroverted neurotypicals with no understanding of personal space.
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I'm definitely into the kind of things you hate, but this really cracked me up. I love dogs, but it's so relatable. I've met few people I actually thought had real boundaries.
 
Dadamen said:
Another thing that surprised me is that many people with ASD love dogs. For me, dogs are mostly like extroverted neurotypicals with no understanding of personal space. If off leash they will jump to me and want to play, although I don't want to play with them. They also have hard-to-understand body language (just like people) and make me think that they will attack me. So, because of misinterpreting their intentions, I have become afraid of them.
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I don't have animals as a 'special interest' personally, but I can see why so many do. Animals don't judge, are always there for you, give affection and companionship, and don't ask anything in return. It is well documented that owning pets can reduce stress and anxiety. The relationship with a pet like a dog is less complicated and more predictable than interpersonal relationships. It's also really interesting to learn about the different breeds, their history and origins.
 
Dadamen said:
If off leash they will jump to me and want to play, although I don't want to play with them.
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This is the fault of the owner, though, not the dog. Dog owners should definitely be aware of what their dog is doing and what other people want or don’t want.
 
Speaking of forums, etc, where are all autistic at? i know this one, and there is not much people in here, and the wrongplanet but never joined, there is some place i don't know about?
 
Dadamen said:
Looks like it's simply up to the fact that people on the spectrum are very different. Just like post-covid syndrome, one syndrome, but may present as shortness of breath, tiredness, or neurological or gastrointestinal issues.

The fact that most surprised me here is that social and humanistic topics, such as history, literature, religion, films and music are often special interests. I HATED these subjects at school. Dostoyevski's "Crime and punishment" was impossible to understand for me. I think that asd has made me unable to understand more complex books. Films are even worse because they include facial expressions and face recognition (I'm also face-blind to some level, recognizing only familiar faces), no way I memorize actors.

Another thing that surprised me is that many people with ASD love dogs. For me, dogs are mostly like extroverted neurotypicals with no understanding of personal space. If off leash they will jump to me and want to play, although I don't want to play with them. They also have hard-to-understand body language (just like people) and make me think that they will attack me. So, because of misinterpreting their intentions, I have become afraid of them.
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You're correct that autistic people can be very different. Case in point: Crime and Punishment was one of the most mind blowing books I've ever read and it's at the top for me.

Dogs: I think they're easier to connect with and read than people are, hands down.

Also, if you have an intense special interest like sports, one solution is to...join one of what I assume are many SPORTS related forums. That way you don't even have to seek out someone else with your same interest. EVERYONE on the forum has that shared interest. It would be like special interest heaven for you. Autism doesn't even have to factor in. And since you don't know if you're even autistic, sports forums seem like a better answer in that regard. Years ago I was very active on a specific special interest forum that was focused exclusively on collecting certain kinds of antiques. It was special interest heaven because I could read about and post things about that interest until my heart was content and no one on that forum told me I was too obsessed with that interest, etc.

Maybe your title of this thread was meant to be implied that it sucks...(for you) rather than it sucking for everyone, but clearly it doesn't suck for those of us who like and find value in being here.
 
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