This is how I want to live.

[Metalhead]

I want to be physically active and eat a healthy diet. That means rejecting unhealthy foods if my family tries to serve them to me.

I want to bring back my website and be a prolific hobbyist film critic.

I want to go to school PT to improve my writing skills.

I want to be a truly productive worker at my job.

I want to spend some weekend time going on day trips and getting out of my house. Visiting museums, going to parks, hitting the cinemas.

I want to budget to go to more live music shows.

I want to get myself in decent shape and join a day hike group.

I want to reach a point with my blood family where their words and actions no longer get a visceral reaction out of me. Or any reaction at all.

I want an emotional divorce from toxicity.

I can have all of this and more.

 

[Judge]

I want a divorce from my blood family.

Fixed that one for ya. One which may enable many others and even more not yet on your list. You need to distance yourself from such toxicity. Don't expect them to make that move for you.

It's one you must do all on your own. One that might in fact be a "lynch pin" to being a happier person.

 

[Metalhead]

Fixed that one for ya. One which may enable many others and even more not yet on your list. You need to distance yourself from such toxicity. Don't expect them to make that move for you.

It's one you must do all on your own. One that might in fact be a "lynch pin" to being a happier person.

True. I need to sever the umbilical noose. My mother has been strangling me with it for far too long.

 

[Judge]

True. I need to sever the umbilical noose. My mother has been strangling me with it for far too long.

Indeed. Not an easy thing to accomplish, either. I get that as well. I just don't think a person can emotionally flourish with that sort of "cloud" over their heads so often.

 

[Outdated]

I want to reach a point with my blood family where their words and actions no longer get a visceral reaction out of me. Or any reaction at all.

This is a delusional pipe dream. It will never happen. They will never change, and they've known you since you were a baby so no matter how well mentally guarded you think you can be they know how to push your buttons.

Been there, done that, bought a T-shirt.

 

[Jonn]

Fixed that one for ya. One which may enable many others and even more not yet on your list. You need to distance yourself from such toxicity. Don't expect them to make that move for you.

It's one you must do all on your own. One that might in fact be a "lynch pin" to being a happier person.

Sometimes we have to realise their is no point in flogging a dead horse.
Bury it, and leave it behind.
The phrase "Yes, mom", describes the limit of a healthy personal interaction with someone like that, imo.

 

[Metalhead]

This is a delusional pipe dream. It will never happen. They will never change, and they've known you since you were a baby so no matter how well mentally guarded you think you can be they know how to push your buttons.

Been there, done that, bought a T-shirt.

I did not say I would change my family. But through cognitive behavioral therapy, I could reach a point where the memories don’t have a gut punch to them.

 

[Metalhead]

In therapy, I learn forgiveness and empathy go hand in hand with letting go. It does not mean they were right and I was wrong. Far from it. Forgive but never forget, and trust my boundaries and autonomy. This generational trauma did not start with my mother and aunt, and it did not start with my grandmother. But it ends with me. And I can forgive and sever ties at the same time - not mutually exclusive options. I don’t wish them harm, but I don’t want anything more with them.

 

[Jonn]

In therapy, I learn forgiveness and empathy go hand in hand with letting go.

Not for me.
I can emotionally let go without forgiving.

I don’t wish them harm, but I don’t want anything more with them.

I'm the same.

 

[Metalhead]

Not for me.
I can emotionally let go without forgiving.

Actually, forgiveness can be the sweetest revenge. It reduces their significance in my spiritual life, and narcissists hate that.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Actually, forgiveness can be the sweetest revenge. It reduces their significance in my spiritual life, and narcissists hate that.

And, one must balance that forgiveness with growth. Thinking about this helped me.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I want to be physically active and eat a healthy diet. That means rejecting unhealthy foods if my family tries to serve them to me.

I want to bring back my website and be a prolific hobbyist film critic.

I want to go to school PT to improve my writing skills.

I want to be a truly productive worker at my job.

I want to spend some weekend time going on day trips and getting out of my house. Visiting museums, going to parks, hitting the cinemas.

I want to budget to go to more live music shows.

I want to get myself in decent shape and join a day hike group.

I want to reach a point with my blood family where their words and actions no longer get a visceral reaction out of me. Or any reaction at all.

I want an emotional divorce from toxicity.

I can have all of this and more.

Well, now that you have the goals, the next step is creating a step-by-step set of plans and then executing them.

As one says, "No one plans to fail, they only failed to plan."

 

[Xinyta]

I want to reach a point with my blood family where their words and actions no longer get a visceral reaction out of me. Or any reaction at all.

This is the one you will need to work on the most in yourself. Reconciling your feelings with yourself, about your parents, is going to help heal alot of the issues you have. Alot of what you listed, besides this. Will fall in place as you improve yourself.

 

[Aspychata]

l like this train of thought you have. If you realize how many people try to shove down and hold others back, then you can remove yourself emotionally. Alot of people are bullies in life, once you get that, then your bully sensor will fully kick in and always be on. I am also quick to notice others being bullied now.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Metalhead Please do not forget the little things, the perceptions of life around us to enjoy the small sensations as we seek to make sense of life. Sometimes memories of small things, while nostalgic will lead us to grace.

Maybe too gentle for you, but it is odd in a good way: