This single academic event ruined my career

[Edward764]

When I retire. I would like to write a book on the roughly 85 events spanning 25 years in school that are largely responsible for my never earning more than $25,000 per year, despite being a college graduate.
I would like to recount one of the more significant events that happened nearly 40 years ago, and altered my life.
It is such a simple event that someone without autism could likely cast it aside as irrelevant in the scheme of things, but for me, it was a career destroyer.

I had recently changed my major to Microbiology in a failed attempt to cater to my irrational " concept of satisfaction." I was taking the first course in Basic Microbiology, and we were about halfway through the quarter.
One of my classmates, while we were waiting to go into the lab to begin our class on a Tuesday, asked me if he could bring my notes home to copy, and return them on Thursday.
I said no, but he asked again. I said no again, but he asked again. I told him we could go to the library and he could make copies of them, but he insisted on borrowing my notes. I assertively said no, but he just kept pushing me to borrow my notes, until I finally caved.
I became emotionally distraught, as the following thoughts and questions entered my mind.

What if he does not return to class in 48 hours and I never get my notes back?
Even if I do get them back, what If he wants to continue to borrow my notes to copy, and I eventually don't get them back?
Then there was my " What are the odds syndrome". which destroyed me emotionally. Not only was I upset that he had my notes, but I was equally upset about the " violations of the laws of probability". In other words, " What are the odds that any student could be so unlucky that a student would insist on bringing someone else's notes home?" Furthermore, why was I the unlucky one? Could he not have borrowed someone else's notes?

As part of the major, I had to take a difficult year of organic chemistry, which met on Monday and Wednesday, yet I was so emotionally distraught from not having my microbiology notes, and the laws of probability that had been violated that denied me my own notes, that I failed to concentrate in organic chemistry, and fell behind.

I was so emotionally upset that I dropped organic chemistry and changed my major to straight Biology, which was much less rigorous, and took me nowhere. I merely wasted 12 years in post-secondary education..

Forty year later, I still cannot let go. What, I still ask, if I had been like the other 99.99999% of the student body who never has anyone insist on taking home their notes for two days?

I will never know. This is just one of about 85 events that destroyed me academically. More would follow, and greater laws of averages would soon be violated.

Are these reactions due to my being autistic? How would a more conventional person respond to a similar event?

 

[Fino]

Did he return the notes in two days?

 

[Edward764]

Yes he did, but the emotional damage had already been done. I was ruined as soon as I let him break me and gave him my notes.

 

[Fino]

At the beginning of the post, you said that someone without autism would not be affected and at the end of the post you asked what a more conventional person would do. I think your first part was likely right, answering your own question.

 

[Edward764]

I expressed an opinion that I mistakenly presented as fact.

I don't think a person without autism would be affected to my degree. but there are other factors as well.
Had I not been bullied for years up to this point by both people and nature, I probably would not have been nearly as sensitive to this event.
There is a double whammy to most of the multiple events that have affected me throughout my academic life.
First there is the direct effect of the events, and second there is the frustration created by real or perceived violations of the laws of averages that pertain to these events. At the time of this event, I had had enough, and could no longer successfully overcome any more unlikely events.
Hypothetically, if this fellow had asked to borrow notes from 10 other students as well, or if I considered it routine for students to give up their notes to to other students for days at a time, then I would not have felt that the forces of nature were picking on me, and creating realities in my life that are unique to me.
The frustration would have still existed, but probably cut in half.
This is complex, for I do not know how a non- autistic individual would have reacted to all the previous and future events that I hope to publish someday.
How much of the emotional strife created by this event is autism related, and how much is likely to cause emotional pain in any individual who has constantly been picked on by nature.
What came first, the chicken or the egg? This is one reason I want to write.

I spoke for 18 hours about my feelings and experiences on cassette tape before age 30, so it is complex indeed.

 

[Fino]

I see!

I'm curious to know what you mean by "bullied by nature"?

My first thought was about weather but that was probably just me being overly-literal, and now I'm thinking maybe it's related to various mental and physical difficulties that have happened due to genetics or otherwise, such as ASD.

 

[PPOI!]

My condolences about what happened, mate. It's hard to look back at events like this.

To be fair, I think that a lot of it might have been caused by ASD, but there are other conditions that cause brooding, rumination, circular thoughts; the like. I imagine there are some mood or anxiety issues, since you mentioned being bullied as well. My guess is that it's downward spiral with these combinations?

Then again, I feel that blaming you, the victim in this situation, isn't quite fair. You weren't as socially equipped to deal with it. I wonder if you knew of your autism (and/or any other issues you might've had) at the time. I think that someone with ASD (or depression, OCD, etc) would tend to react in such a way, but awareness would give you a leg up in such a situation.

 

[TempeFan]

This single academic event ruined my career

Most likely it did not. I was an excellent student, graduating with honors in a lucrative field, but never had the slightest opportunity for a career either. If I had been blessed with parents or a decent family or support system when I was young, or at least have known I had Asperger's and how emphatically employers discriminate against the neuro diverse, then I would have stood a chance. I would have understood why the laws of averages kept being violated against me and not have become so emotionally distraught, as the thoughts and questions entered my mind. I could have compensated, adjusted my course toward actually available options like a sustainable career, in an industry that requires actual job skills instead of just social skills. Academic certifications can get you hired but keeping a job requires being mediocre and generic enough to fit in demographically. HR managers require a lack of racial, religious, neuro, age etc. diversity and being liked because one is like the others in having the same hates and prejudices and behaviors and rituals.

Are these reactions due to my being autistic? How would a more conventional person respond to a similar event?

No, these reactions are caused by others singling us out and bullying those who are different. People have to lie convincingly to be socially acceptable.

 

[Edward764]

What is ASD? I am sorry I do not know.

I do know that I was diagnosed with cross- dominance at age five or six which made me awkward and poorly coordinated. I learned a little by reading my medical charts.

A direct quote from one of the doctors stated " completely immobilized anxiety and functioning on a retarded level". My mother reported that I could not do exercises in school and that I moved around all the time.
The last sentence in my chart read " Thank you for referring this highly unusual case to me. "

This was 1963. Very few people were considered autistic in 1963, so it would be interesting to know what my diagnosis would have been 50 years later.

I admit that it was not only this one event alone that directly ruined my career, but it altered future realities from which other debilitating academic events resulted, so without this event, I would have likely been more successful.
I can also blame my ruined career on my 1st grade teacher getting pregnant and a substitute taking over in January 1964. I was the youngest student in my classes which made my primary grades harder than they should have been, as the difficulties kept being perpetuated through the years, until all emotional hell broke loose in 7th grade.

My mother asked the substitute if I should be retained due to my struggles and my age. The substitute said no, and I moved on. The original teacher, although meaner, was probably wiser, and would have held me back.
Being among the oldest instead of the youngest all these years would have likely allowed me to mature at a rate more commensurate with my peers, even with my disabilities, and I suspect I would have had a more successful life.
These are just two of at least 85 stress inducing academic events, occurring 16 years apart, that have aided in my under achievement.

 

[Isadoorian]

What is ASD? I am sorry I do not know.

I do know that I was diagnosed with cross- dominance at age five or six which made me awkward and poorly coordinated. I learned a little by reading my medical charts.

A direct quote from one of the doctors stated " completely immobilized anxiety and functioning on a retarded level". My mother reported that I could not do exercises in school and that I moved around all the time.
The last sentence in my chart read " Thank you for referring this highly unusual case to me. "

This was 1963. Very few people were considered autistic in 1963, so it would be interesting to know what my diagnosis would have been 50 years later.

I admit that it was not only this one event alone that directly ruined my career, but it altered future realities from which other debilitating academic events resulted, so without this event, I would have likely been more successful.
I can also blame my ruined career on my 1st grade teacher getting pregnant and a substitute taking over in January 1964. I was the youngest student in my classes which made Kindergarten and 1st grade harder than they should have been.
My mother asked the substitute if I should be retained due to my struggles and my age. The substitute said no, and I moved on. The original teacher, although meaner, was probably wiser, and would have held me back.
Being among the oldest instead of the youngest all these years would have likely allowed me to mature at a rate more commensurate with my peers, even with my disabilities, and I suspect I would have had a more successful life.
These are just two of at least 85 stress inducing academic events, occurring 16 years apart, that have aided in my under achievement.

ASD is short for Autism Spectrum Disorder(s)

 

[Edward764]

Thank you. I am more used to the acronym ARSD, so I did not catch it.

 

[Marina Phantom]

There are people in this world who've made an art out of actively finding people who are too nice to say no, before taking advantage of them until they're no longer useful. They don't show appreciation, they don't return the favor, and fulfilling their requests doesn't bring you any closer towards being their friend. To them, you're simply a means to an end, a tool.

I don't want to call anyone a pushover, but if you act like a pushover, then you're gonna get pushed, because the people who do the pushing are always on the lookout for new victims.

EDIT:
It took some time for me to figure out what you meant by "law of averages." To my understanding, it stems from your belief that misfortune is random, and that, over time, everyone should experience an equal amount of misfortune, and you're wondering why you seem to recieve more misfortune than everyone else.

I'll tell you why: it's because misfortune isn't random. The only truly random thing about life is where your start, and I'll admit that where you start off at can have some dire consequences. However, everything from that point onward is part of a deterministic system that you have influence over. Events in the present came from events in the past, so changing the present to have a positive impact on your future is how you overcome misfortune.

Play a more active role in your life instead of letting everything be decided for you, and then you'll find that the world isn't such a bad place.

 

[George Newman]

When I retire. I would like to write a book on the roughly 85 events spanning 25 years in school that are largely responsible for my never earning more than $25,000 per year, despite being a college graduate.
I would like to recount one of the more significant events that happened nearly 40 years ago, and altered my life.
It is such a simple event that someone without autism could likely cast it aside as irrelevant in the scheme of things, but for me, it was a career destroyer.

I had recently changed my major to Microbiology in a failed attempt to cater to my irrational " concept of satisfaction." I was taking the first course in Basic Microbiology, and we were about halfway through the quarter.
One of my classmates, while we were waiting to go into the lab to begin our class on a Tuesday, asked me if he could bring my notes home to copy, and return them on Thursday.
I said no, but he asked again. I said no again, but he asked again. I told him we could go to the library and he could make copies of them, but he insisted on borrowing my notes. I assertively said no, but he just kept pushing me to borrow my notes, until I finally caved.
I became emotionally distraught, as the following thoughts and questions entered my mind.

What if he does not return to class in 48 hours and I never get my notes back?
Even if I do get them back, what If he wants to continue to borrow my notes to copy, and I eventually don't get them back?
Then there was my " What are the odds syndrome". which destroyed me emotionally. Not only was I upset that he had my notes, but I was equally upset about the " violations of the laws of probability". In other words, " What are the odds that any student could be so unlucky that a student would insist on bringing someone else's notes home?" Furthermore, why was I the unlucky one? Could he not have borrowed someone else's notes?

As part of the major, I had to take a difficult year of organic chemistry, which met on Monday and Wednesday, yet I was so emotionally distraught from not having my microbiology notes, and the laws of probability that had been violated that denied me my own notes, that I failed to concentrate in organic chemistry, and fell behind.

I was so emotionally upset that I dropped organic chemistry and changed my major to straight Biology, which was much less rigorous, and took me nowhere. I merely wasted 12 years in post-secondary education..

Forty year later, I still cannot let go. What, I still ask, if I had been like the other 99.99999% of the student body who never has anyone insist on taking home their notes for two days?

I will never know. This is just one of about 85 events that destroyed me academically. More would follow, and greater laws of averages would soon be violated.

Are these reactions due to my being autistic? How would a more conventional person respond to a similar event?

Given the correct publisher and good promotion, I think a book such as this would be well read. Write the book. Start today. It could be a solid career move.

 

[Mary Terry]

There are things in life that you just need to let go and forget about. If you cling to or obsess over events from decades ago, like someone borrowing your notes, it can prevent you from moving forward and will mis-direct your focus to things that are not really important.

I understand your reluctance to share your class notes. That happened to me many, many times, too, especially in law school. My note taking skills were developed over decades of schooling and reflect MY work, MY comprehension of the subject matter, MY attendance in class. They are MY work product and no one else is entitled to take from me what I worked so hard to achieve and to profit from MY dedication to my studies.
These days, when someone asks to borrow something from me that I do not want to lend, I just flatly tell them that I do not loan my husband, my car, or (filll-in-the-blank) to anyone, ever. That usually takes care of the problem.

There are also people in my life to whom I will lend things only with a clear, spoken and agreed upon basis that the item will be returned to me by a specific date. And I put it on my calendar to contact the borrower on the deadline and demand return of my item if they haven't already done so. I even bought an embosser seal for books I buy and cherish that says something like "Library of (my real name)" so there can be no dispute over who owns the book, too.

 

[Edward764]

There are people in this world who've made an art out of actively finding people who are too nice to say no, before taking advantage of them until they're no longer useful. They don't show appreciation, they don't return the favor, and fulfilling their requests doesn't bring you any closer towards being their friend. To them, you're simply a means to an end, a tool.

I don't want to call anyone a pushover, but if you act like a pushover, then you're gonna get pushed, because the people who do the pushing are always on the lookout for new victims.

EDIT:
It took some time for me to figure out what you meant by "law of averages." To my understanding, it stems from your belief that misfortune is random, and that, over time, everyone should experience an equal amount of misfortune, and you're wondering why you seem to recieve more misfortune than everyone else.

I'll tell you why: it's because misfortune isn't random. The only truly random thing about life is where your start, and I'll admit that where you start off at can have some dire consequences. However, everything from that point onward is part of a deterministic system that you have influence over. Events in the present came from events in the past, so changing the present to have a positive impact on your future is how you overcome misfortune.

Play a more active role in your life instead of letting everything be decided for you, and then you'll find that the world isn't such a bad place.

I actually have played a very active role in trying to overcome these non -random events, but I ended up digging a bigger hole for myself. This is because playing an active role is not enough; one has to play a rational role that is more likely to lead to success.

I was obsessed with trying to satisfy my neurotic " concept of satisfaction", which unfortunately was my focus, instead of the more rational choice of trying to get a good job and earn a good living.
This concept of satisfaction entailed the need to achieve academic satisfaction in a STEM field.

Had I failed on my own without the help of these non-random academic destroying events, I might have taken this more rational route. But instead I was left wondering " What if I had an academic career with only the normal type of occasional distractions that students might experience, and not this endless bizarre array of sequential distractions that seem to violate the laws of statistics?
I knew i likely did not belong in a STEM field, but I did not want to spend the rest of life wondering " What if?"'
I therefore slipped more deeply into failure, as the more bizarre events, which are far more unlikely than borrowing notes, would continue to surface for another eight year of academics, and not ending until I took my very last exam in 2010.These events are not bizarre as ends in themselves, but their sheer number, and how they were sequenced and synchronized, is very odd.

If had I taken a different, and much simpler "active role" rather than chasing the elusive concept of satisfaction, I would have probably earned more than an average of about $16,000/year over my sporadic 43 years in the labor force, but little did I suspect that the most unlikely events, especially when considered in sequence would lay ahead.
Unlike the note borrowing experience, future events would be less related to my autism, and more a matter of bad timing, or being in the wrong seat. However, without autism, I would likely have coped with them better.

In a future post I will relate the synchronicity surrounding the debilitating date of February 14, 1981. I actually related these series of events on the radio about 10 years ago on COASTTOCOAST AM's synchronicity hotline.
For the other 80 plus events, I hope to publish them. But I will need to research book publishers and mental health experts to learn if writing a book would be feasible. I sure hope it would be.