To quit or not?

[AprilR]

I feel like lately i am being a burden on my coworkers. I have executive dysfunction, work too slow and have trouble understanding unsaid things.
I feel like i don't deserve my job basically and that i am deceiving my employer and everyone else by pretending i am NT. (I can't disclose anything about autism to anyone bc they dont even know what high functioning autism is, also subjects like these are taboo here)

I feel like i am pushing myself too hard , and trying to make the impossible work.

Has anyone else ever felt unworthy of their job and quit? I want to earn my own money but continuing to work seems like a disservice to my employer and irresponsible if i am not capable enough.

 

[Shaddock]

the question is if you feel unhappy with that specific job or in general. I think I asked this much time before and you said something like "I´m currently thinking about the answer of that question."

when you have no complaints or negative feedback, then there is no reason to worry about that. I´m sure that your supervisor or colleagues would say it otherwise.

and that you´re not fired so far is a good sign.

there is something called "impostor syndrome", it means in opposite to real impostors, that there are people who think that they were impostors (having no skills, don´t deserve their job), but in fact they are no impostors, they just think that. no matter how good they are and how hard they work, they always think that they are very bad and don´t deserve anything.

maybe you have less self-confidence. don´t know.

 

[AprilR]

I have had negative feed back from my employer but there is no solution bc i guess other people work faster than me and are more practical. I am expected to work things out on my own and i make mistakes if i don't ask questions and "take responsibility"

I have heard of imposter syndrome but i am not sure if i have it or just that i am less capable than others

 

[Rodafina]

I feel like lately i am being a burden on my coworkers. I have executive dysfunction, work too slow and have trouble understanding unsaid things.
I feel like i don't deserve my job basically and that i am deceiving my employer and everyone else by pretending i am NT. (I can't disclose anything about autism to anyone bc they dont even know what high functioning autism is, also subjects like these are taboo here)

I feel like i am pushing myself too hard , and trying to make the impossible work.

Has anyone else ever felt unworthy of their job and quit? I want to earn my own money but continuing to work seems like a disservice to my employer and irresponsible if i am not capable enough.

When I read this I could see things in two very different ways. One is that it sounds somewhat like myself when I have imposter syndrome. I am really bad about assuming others are disappointed in my work when quite often it is not true. I often learn that I am going “above and beyond“ when I thought I was struggling to keep my head above water. So, the problem here is my own self consciousness and needing to believe in myself.

The other way to see it is that you are just working so hard to meet expectations that are beyond your current capacity and perhaps your current skill level. If you are disappointed in your own work and feeling unfulfilled and frustrated by it all the time, then perhaps a new work environment would be a good answer. If you do not feel that there is room to grow and be supported where you are, maybe it isn’t the best match.

It sounds really exhausting though and if you go to work every day, it would be very taxing to face these challenges day in and out. No matter what, I’m going to err on the side of you being hard on yourself and maybe the supposed burden that you put on others isn’t quite as heavy as you are imagining. Your comfort is equally important to that of your coworkers. Actually, I’m biased, so I am more interested in your well-being.

 

[AprilR]

When I read this I could see things in two very different ways. One is that it sounds somewhat like myself when I have imposter syndrome. I am really bad about assuming others are disappointed in my work when quite often it is not true. I often learn that I am going “above and beyond“ when I thought I was struggling to keep my head above water. So, the problem here is my own self consciousness and needing to believe in myself.

The other way to see it is that you are just working so hard to meet expectations that are beyond your current capacity and perhaps your current skill level. If you are disappointed in your own work and feeling unfulfilled and frustrated by it all the time, then perhaps a new work environment would be a good answer. If you do not feel that there is room to grow and be supported where you are, maybe it isn’t the best match.

It sounds really exhausting though and if you go to work every day, it would be very taxing to face these challenges day in and out. No matter what, I’m going to err on the side of you being hard on yourself and maybe the supposed burden that you put on others isn’t quite as heavy as you are imagining. Your comfort is equally important to that of your coworkers. Actually, I’m biased, so I am more interested in your well-being.

Thank you so much. I am not sure which of the two scenario is true, i hope it is the former but i think it is the latter.

Sometimes i wish they would fire me so i would get rid of this burden on me. Or my psychiatrist or a neurologist would say "you are not fit for this job" I am afraid that i am a burden and not even aware of it

 

[Outdated]

Hi April, I'd try for a "best of both worlds" scenario. Regardless of wether or not your work is up to an acceptable standard you are obviously not happy with your current job. Life without money is quite stressful so I don't recommend that you quit. Not just yet anyway.

It's a very difficult thing to do, but try and think of jobs you would enjoy doing, something that you would be good at. When you come up with an idea start applying for those sorts of jobs. Don't quit your current job until you have another to go to.

Having a plan like this will help you survive your current job a little bit longer too, that's called The Lesson of Hope.

It's best that you try and do this now while you're still young enough, once you get to 40 it becomes a lot more difficult to find another job.

 

[Swansong]

The business world is by definition not a charity, if you're still employed there is because you're considered to be at least adequate at it relative to the possible alternatives.

If that assessment ever changes then they'll fire you and that'll be the end of it.

This certainly seems like a self esteem/anxiety issue.

And in any case, employment only serves one purpose; that you can earn enough money to keep on living and the option to perhaps do actually meaningful and pleasant things with your time. That should ideally be your only concern regarding employment because attaching any of your self worth or identity to it is simply insanity, you work to live, not live to work, it is not a goal unto itself.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

If you are willing to get fired you should not be that stressed. You are already willing the worst case scenario to happen.

I would stay untill I find something better, but I am not in your shoes.

Best of luck.

 

[paloftoon]

Stay and look for other job(s).
Also, be open to re-location so that you aren't stuck in a bubble no longer working for you.

If you're in the US and willing to professionally network through a video chat and then share your resume afterward, feel free to PM me for some potentially feasible ideas.

 

[AprilR]

Thank you everyone. I am not planning on working here for a long time but i don't know what to do if i quit either.

I don't think i am horrible, i know i have improved a lot but some problems stay hidden and can cause bigger problems if this goes on.

I guess my employer can always fire me though, and i shouldn't think on his behalf.

@Swansong What you said puts me at ease, i hope my employer doesn't hesitate to fire me if it comes to that.

 

[4gottenLoreKali]

I know how frustrating and humiliating it is. I'm exactly where you are, and I really wish I had some more opportune advice to your situation. All I can say is you clearly aren't getting proper accommodations, and likely feel betrayed and ashamed that you realize you aren't in your element after all. Have faith you will find it someday soon and don't beat yourself up in the meantime, as hard as it is. Job hunts suck royally. They are a unique flavor of Hell I don't wish on my fellow autist. I resent that they are necessary, but the phrase "no knock, no get" applies here.

Above all else don't let yourself be railroaded into someone else's aborted dream for you. If you go into a position or field only to make someone close to you proud / get them off your back, you're setting yourself up to fail.

Never give your two-weeks' notice to a job without having already nailed down your next one. This would also be a prime moment to spruce up your resume. Tinkering with the formatting and peppering in professional BS-ese feels wrong but oddly satisfying.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Any time anyone is at that breaking point in a job, a relationship, whatever,...you have to ask yourself,..."What's next?" Is the grass greener on the other side of the fence? What financial commitments do you have,...how is the math going to work out? Do you have another job opportunity waiting?

If you need to work,...then don't quit your job until you have another lined up. Put in your 2 weeks notice and slide into the next job without an interruption in your financial situation. If you are applying for disability,...how long is that going to take before that kicks in and you start receiving income?

Have a plan.

 

[paloftoon]

To add, if you are in the US and you are fired, you can generally apply to collect unemployment too. If you quit, you can't necessarily get unemployment- depends on the state's laws and flexibility with that basically. I don't know the unemployment practices with other countries.

 

[Rodafina]

@AprilR, yeah what @Swansong said made a lot of sense and I’m glad that put you at ease. I am feeling more and more sure that this is a case of you being like many of us here where the way that we feel about what we do is just really different than what people on the outside are experiencing. Back to the whole imposter syndrome thing… I’ve been told that I do it too.

Anyway, even if that is what’s going on and your work is totally fine or even awesome, it still sucks that it makes you feel so inferior about yourself and so uncomfortable and precarious at work. I think that a really good workplace would be one that can support your feelings about your work as well as the work itself and you could trust in the relationship with your coworkers and superiors.

I realize it is a luxury to find the ideal workplace that makes us feel successful, challenged, and fulfilled all at the same time (sometimes when the bills are due, we must take less than ideal jobs). But if you have this luxury, work is such a huge investment of our time and if you could find someplace where you could be more comfortable, I would have a great hope for you.

I just took a massive change in my employment and I feel lucky to say, so far it’s going really well. There’s some pretty huge challenges to figure out, but I made a sacrifice in my pay rate to find a job that offered a much better chance at happiness and stable mental health. Not ideal for everyone, but in this moment of my life, it has been a good choice and for the first time ever, I do not typically drive to or from work with knots in my stomach trying not to puke.

 

[1ForAll]

If you are willing to get fired you should not be that stressed. You are already willing the worst case scenario to happen.

I would stay untill I find something better, but I am not in your shoes.

Best of luck.

While this may be true for the majority of cases, that was not the case for me. I knew I was going to quit or be fired for every job I attempted through my twenties, as I was nowhere ready to function in any social way, nor to concentrate on the tasks there and fit in there, and I was ok with quitting thus on many levels. But, until that relief occurred from quitting, the anxieties, fears and negative obsessions mounted when persons were near and when I went too slow, looked too anxious and shy or made mistakes. My head felt like it was going to explode. And if I was fired, that would be worse, as it meant they definitely noticed I was unfit or not functional for the job.

Being a perfectionist, and being aware of and sensing everything around me very well, including others' postures, mannerisms and expressions too, I knew even after I quit that I would obsess about how I came across as a misfit and outcast, and thinking others were laughing at me, from their avoidance of me, disappointed looks, and snickers. It took me much time to recover from those negative job experiences, and any firings meant I'd obsess too that I'd have to be honest about that on future applications, as I am a believer in being honest and factual for most things.

So, while it is true I knew when working at all those jobs that quitting or firings would provide some immediate relief, from those extreme intense emotions that were building inside, it did not help having those thoughts, as I was focused on the present and future, where the present I felt horrible, and where the future I knew I'd be obsessing for weeks, months or more about those failures. So, in my case, I still had much stress during the jobs despite knowing they would end soon, and much stress after, for the reasons mentioned, with only some relief of quitting/being fired; not enough to stop the bigger embarrassment, hopelessness, feelings of failure and such.

 

[All-Rounder]

I feel like lately i am being a burden on my coworkers. I have executive dysfunction, work too slow and have trouble understanding unsaid things.
I feel like i don't deserve my job basically and that i am deceiving my employer and everyone else by pretending i am NT. (I can't disclose anything about autism to anyone bc they dont even know what high functioning autism is, also subjects like these are taboo here)

I feel like i am pushing myself too hard , and trying to make the impossible work.

Has anyone else ever felt unworthy of their job and quit? I want to earn my own money but continuing to work seems like a disservice to my employer and irresponsible if i am not capable enough.

Logically you know you deserve it but the issue is you have reason to believe they wouldn't treasure who you truly are if they knew.

I think in a certain way many people will actually not be very accepting of our autism, but there are better environments than others. It's important to keep in mind your needs from your experience in the future.

I have been a burden on my former boss but she was unreasonable too, so yeah. Sometimes people especially ones in command can be pushy and have expectations too high humanely, and don't account for the real things that can interfere with how fast a task can be done. So I quit but mostly because the boss was highly abusive verbally.

 

[AprilR]

Financially i don't need this job really. I earn very little. But this job provides me with distraction and socialization also. I am scared of getting depressed and becoming a hermit if i stop working.
But if i am only going to be a burden on people i would rather deal with that

 

[Thinx]

If finances aren't an issue, have you considered voluntary work? Might be easier to find in an area of work you would enjoy, so you would feel happier? Or some classes you would enjoy? Still keeping social connections but feeling better about yourself.

However I do also agree with the idea that work wouldn't keep you on unless you do the job well enough. They can benefit quite a lot from people who work slow but sure. But it doesn't sound like a great environment from what you have said so far. Are there some friendly colleagues?

 

[AprilR]

I only work with 4 people, it is a very small office. They are nice enough but i wouldn't call them friends. They are all younger than me and come from very different backgrounds.

Voluntary work crossed my mind also, i might try that maybe.

 

[Streetwise]

I feel like lately i am being a burden on my coworkers. I have executive dysfunction, work too slow and have trouble understanding unsaid things.
I feel like i don't deserve my job basically and that i am deceiving my employer and everyone else by pretending i am NT. (I can't disclose anything about autism to anyone bc they dont even know what high functioning autism is, also subjects like these are taboo here)

I feel like i am pushing myself too hard , and trying to make the impossible work.

Has anyone else ever felt unworthy of their job and quit? I want to earn my own money but continuing to work seems like a disservice to my employer and irresponsible if i am not capable enough.

remember if you continue to pretend you will pay the price either admit you need accomodations or change employer ,but know this, many employers don't want to accommodate the neurodiverse and will lie and say you broke the conditions of your contract