To those undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome

[Nanda]

Hi people. I read about the Asperger's syndrome being discovered only in an adult age when i was about 15 or 16 years old (i was on my daily research for information). But a couple month ago i find myself thinking about it, returned to my research and found so much thing in common... it freaked me out, so i rushed to this place in the moment i find i may have it, here a friend helped me. Since this day, i had make an appointment to an psychologist (not a very good one), she said that i have a ""strong sense of self" to have it (i was so annoyed by the fact that i knew more about AS than she (sorry if i apparent to be pedantic))
The thing that make me think i have it is the difficulty in social situation, the almost lack of the desire to make friends, some sensory problems with textures, difficulties in interact and look in the eyes of opposite sex, my behavior in overwhelming situations (changes in my mood, be suddenly quiet, stare at the air) be apparently cold in romantic relationships (the list goes on and on)
So... i was wondering when you star suspect that you have AS an what make you think you have it?

 

[Daniel]

The thing that make me think i have it is the difficulty in social situation, the almost lack of the desire to make friends, some sensory problems with textures, difficulties in interact and look in the eyes of opposite sex, my behavior in overwhelming situations (changes in my mood, be suddenly quiet, stare at the air) be apparently cold in romantic relationships (the list goes on and on)
So... i was wondering when you star suspect that you have AS an what make you think you have it?

Check, check, check, check, check, and check! (i.e. I have all of those--except for the eye contact thing, which I actually do too much of...for an NT to handle, that is.)

Plus a lifelong pattern of getting obsessively interested in various unusual things, starting when I was about 2 or 3. My first "special interests" were road maps, street signs, game shows, and the fleet identification numbers on the side of the weekly garbage truck. I also stimmed by making drumbeat noises, starting at about age four.

I was given the ironic nickname "Smilin' Dan" at one point, because I never did. I didn't understand until much later why people thought I was giving them so-called 'dirty looks'.

I also have perfect pitch, and I get excessively pedantic about details unless I try not to be, and I'm very sensitive emotionally.

 

[Nanda]

"Plus a lifelong pattern of getting obsessively interested in various unusual things"

"I also have perfect pitch, and I get excessively pedantic about details unless I try not to be, and I'm very sensitive emotionally.

"

Yes, i get obsessed with things, some times last some months, some times i get bored so much faster, but i think its one thing at the time... i guess. I think i was more sensitive emotionally in the past and this make me fight with my mother so often (sad times).
About being pedantic, ah well, i can be very pedantic when talking (maybe because i like words, maybe because i know how to use them). even more if is about my favorite subject. I've been trying to stop this but, as you may know, its a hard thing to do.

 

[bentHnau]

My ex-girlfriend worked at a home for autistic adults. After she attended a job-related conference, she told me that I had some of the symptoms the speaker mentioned, so I began researching the condition.

 

[MacLoughlan]

Get diagnosed ASAP!

I mucked up my career something rotten. Then I discovered I had/have AS, and it was the AS traits that made my career strategies bound to fail.

It's not having AS that's the problem, its not knowing it.

So if you suspect you might have it, get tested and find out. Then get to understanding it, and find strategies that work around its disabilities and take advantage of its benefits, and you'll be flying, and happy and contented to boot.

I'd say the same for dyslexia, ADHD or any of the other hidden disabilities.

I say again, it is not having the disability, its not knowing that you have it that causes the problems.

 

[Mae]

I was reading a short story, and one of the characters started talking about how his brother was AS. The main factor for this side-character was his single-minded fixation on mechanics, and something about it just rang true. People always pointed out me obsessing about things, and info-dumping. I did the research, checked things off on lists. You may know the deal.
A formal diagnosis isn't optimal or necessary for me. I'd be too nervous while being observed for anyone to tell what was actually going on, and the simple knowledge of my strengths and weaknesses has helped me compensate.

 

[Cerulean]

My husband was learning about autism in his psychology class and told me I fit the bill. I read the diagnostic criteria and a bit online, and decided it sounded about right. I joined this forum and a local aspie meetup group and found that I am definitely a part of this group.

 

[Dynamic]

I mucked up my career something rotten. Then I discovered I had/have AS, and it was the AS traits that made my career strategies bound to fail.

It's not having AS that's the problem, its not knowing it.

I can't say enough about how relevant and important this quote is!

Me, personally, I did not get professionally diagnosed, and at this point probably never will seek an official diagnosis. I'll clarify what I mean by that. I'm now 31, and only learned about and "self-diagnosed" just last year after I went through a particularly difficult, life-changing situation and my wife suggested I might actually have AS. She suggested I should look into it, maybe take a few tests and give it some serious thought. The funny thing? Up to that point I remember several times where I actually jokingly said to myself that, if I had Asperger's, "it would explain a lot". LOL Despite having said that multiple times myself, apparently I seemingly never completed that thought and actually considered that it might be a reality. Sometimes life is funny that way.

So I ended up doing a significant amount of research and took every single online test that I could. While doing this, I was completely aware of what some might say about this, self-diagnosis, etc. so I kept those thoughts in the back of my mind as a check/balance on myself to not become a hypochondriac about it. For roughly 4-5 months, EVERY single day I spent 4-6 hours researching ASD conditions (~480-720+ hours: It consumed ALL of my free time), their different characteristics, other non-AS conditions of similar characteristics, etc. It was so time-consuming I also decided to shut down my side business to focus solely on this. I also spent a considerable amount of this time in self-reflection on the entirety of my life, past experiences, life-altering and different points in my life, how I handled them, how those known facts might align with certain characteristics, and what conditions might make the most sense for those characteristics. Um....yeah...I am 100% confident that my self-diagnosis is accurate, especially considering the very normal (for me) process I went through to come to that conclusion.

I say all of that to say that, once you know, whether through your own due diligence or a professional diagnosis, then at least you can start developing a "plan" for various things. Once you know that you have an aversion to certain things, display certain characteristics in different situations, etc. you can start taking steps to re-orient some things in your life to be a bit easier for you. As the saying goes, 1) Have a plan 2) Work your plan!

 

[Cuppa' Tea]

My first inkling came about eight years ago when my then boyfriend remarked that I was just like him. (He has AS) I denied it vehemently, and we didn't talk about it again. A few years later, I realized that he was right. I don't make eye contact, I have an incredible hyper-focus, I am highly literal, I have a narrow set of interests, I have a hard time with social things, sensory issues, I stim, and even IBS (though you probably didn't wish to know that). Both of my sisters have classic autism and are on the severe end of the spectrum. I think that my parents honestly didn't see my issues because they had/have so many. Compared to them, I am "normal". I have friends, I can work, I have a bit of a social life. I am undiagnosed now, but plan to change that soon.

 

[Flower44590]

I have had mental health problems since I was about 9. Some of the diagnoses they have toyed with are bipolar, major depressive disorder, clinical depression, seasonal depression, pmdd, OCD, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, insomnia, ADD.

In November, after months of staying inside crying all day every day

 

[Flower44590]

I went to the hospital. My meds were readjusted and life moved on. Fast word to the past several weeks....
An autistic friend and I are talking on Facebook. I described to her things people have noticed in me. I am literal. I'm short and to the point in conversation. I flap. When I am interested in something I am completely and utterly indulgent in that interest. She gave me the names for a lot of things I have been through and a lot of the behaviors I described: stimming, autistic burn out, scripting, routines and rituals.

Oh my goodness! I'm not alone. I have an appointment with my counselor on Friday and I am going to go in there and ask her to explore this idea. I think she will be open to it. An official diagnosis would be beneficial. I was fired from my last job due to my behaviors. I would like that to not happen again.

 

[Flower44590]

By the way- crying is my favorite stim. I do it ANY time I feel overwhelmed. It can be overwhelming connections, happiness, interest, frustration.... Anything. I think others misconstrue this as depression. I have literally cried for 16 hours straight before. An entire meeting with an attorney, a trip to the grocery store and a staff meeting. It was not received well.

 

[KassieMac]

Hi people. I read about the Asperger's syndrome being discovered only in an adult age when i was about 15 or 16 years old (i was on my daily research for information). But a couple month ago i find myself thinking about it, returned to my research and found so much thing in common... it freaked me out, so i rushed to this place in the moment i find i may have it, here a friend helped me. Since this day, i had make an appointment to an psychologist (not a very good one), she said that i have a ""strong sense of self" to have it (i was so annoyed by the fact that i knew more about AS than she (sorry if i apparent to be pedantic))
The thing that make me think i have it is the difficulty in social situation, the almost lack of the desire to make friends, some sensory problems with textures, difficulties in interact and look in the eyes of opposite sex, my behavior in overwhelming situations (changes in my mood, be suddenly quiet, stare at the air) be apparently cold in romantic relationships (the list goes on and on)
So... i was wondering when you star suspect that you have AS an what make you think you have it?

It's kind of ironic that someone would tell you it could only be diagnosed in adults. The first time I mentioned it to my doctor, she claimed that people could only receive that diagnosis if they're under 18. I firmly believe that many people will just spout the first excuse that comes to mind in an attempt to cover up the lapses in their knowledge.

Two years later, I've done countless hours of research and taken every online test available. They all recommend following up with a doctor. I showed these all to my therapist, and she is (finally!) in agreement (she brushed me off for quite a while as well). I printed everything out & marked up how they apply to me, and went back to that same doc. She tried to brush me off again, swears she didn't make that claim two years ago … I just kept insisting. Her last attempt to get rid of me was when she told me to print out & mark up any relevant info … that's when I pulled a very thick envelope out of my purse & handed it to her. HA!!

My therapist counts that as a victory, but it was torturous & painful, and I wanted to shower in bleach & scrub with steel wool when it was over. I still haven't gotten anything official, but my therapist will be attending my next visit with me.

</rant>
I've been doing research all day, every day since I was forced out of work in February -- which could've been prevented if they'd just listened to me!! So I'm learning from the Internet everything the 'professionals' are paid to know -- while I'm starving & they still get to collect their salaries!!! Ugh!!
</end rant>

 

[Autism]

That is what I want to do too, shower with steel wool and bleach. The stupidity that surrounds me is astonishing.

 

[Flower44590]

My last appoint ended like this: psychiatrist says," but you looked depressed."

I just gave up and quit talking. She wasn't understanding anyhow. I know how you feel.

 

[Pokey Oaks]

I have 2 daughters with AS, and since the eldest was diagnosed I've come to realised I may also have it.

Growing up I was always the odd one out, I was excluded from a lot of things because I was different. It was clear that my social skills were severely lacking, and to this day (I'm now 36) I struggle with friendships/relationships. I used to have meltdowns, but it's only now that I can look back and be able to call them that. I remember refusing to take the bus to school for a whole year because one of the girls on there had told me once she didn't like me, I preferred to walk for over an hour even in the freezing cold. I often lost myself in music, and would write songs, one of which was used by the school in a competition, and we came second, music was my passion. I've had many a psychologist try and cure my "depression" over the years. but it's not depression. Anti depressants have never worked for me, they just make me feel somewhat empty, which I dislike.

I struggle with touch and sound, always have done. A lot of my daughters behaviours that many don't understand, I do understand. I can help calm her because I know the feeling. There are so many more reasons I could say why I believe I have AS, but this post would be far too long. I have mentioned it to a psychologist, but all I ever get is "maybe". I think people think I'm wanting to be diagnosed because my daughter has it, it's not the case. I guess I want justification. Something to say, "See, it wasn't all my fault. I couldn't help it...I can't help it!".

How many people these days are successfully diagnosed as adults?

 

[KassieMac]

Hi Pokey Oaks,

I just want to say that I can relate. I'm fighting for an actual diagnosis (I'm 45) but it took quite a bit of pushing to get past being brushed off so many times. Right now I'm waiting for insurance approval. If you choose that route it may not be easy.

But the real reason I wanted to reach out to you is this: I'm so glad that your daughters have you in their lives. At least they won't have to go through what you've described (and I've experienced as well). Kudos to you for being a great parent!

Kassie

 

[gregmcph]

Well... I just am. Or heavily INTP. Or... well, I'm something weird and socially disastrous.
The symptoms match. Those silly online tests match.
I know I don't have the same degree of problems as some folk here have. And maybe that means I am "something else", and maybe I shouldn't complain when others have more heavy duty issues.

So.... so go to a psychologist and get tested? To what end? I function. Often badly. But I have gotten to the age of 50 with a job and a family. How's it going to help to put a label on it? To put a "disabled" sticker on my forehead. What has helped is understanding my own nature and what parts of society I just can't handle, and what makes me happy. Learning to accept myself.

 

[Sass]

For me diagnosis isn't a label (diagnosed at 35), it's a point from which to start understanding myself and the world better. Like a home base. That may not be the same for everyone though.

 

[Jimbo]

I have always known that something was different about me. About a year ago a freind posted a video by a lady named Temple Grandin. I watched the video just out of curiosity and as she described her childhood, she was also describing me. Then I found these forums and figured out there are thousands of others just like me. I took several online tests that told me I was more than likely an aspie. I have no desire to get diagnosed. At age 45 it would do me no good really. Like you, I have a strong sense of self, but am awkward in social situations even though I have preached in different churches the last 17 years. It's nice to finally know my abnormal brain function has a name.