Cyanide Lollipop
Well-Known Member
I feel very sad. After much deliberation I finally ended what has sadly become a toxic friendship. My friend is, I suspect, an Aspie. He isn't interested in learning anything about AS or how it affects his life in ways he never even imagined. He has great difficulty with friendships and intimate relationships and they are supposedly very important to him. He has been placing me under continuing pressure to talk to him more. But when we get together he will put the tv on loud volume, or he will become fixated with his phone and reading Facebook, so he isn't really paying attention to what I say. We only end up arguing about my narrow area of interest so that topic is off limits. He doesn't talk to me much either and when he does it is often to repeat something he has already told me before, sometimes several times. I've tried explaining sensory overload and how I'm tired after a day at work so that affects my ability to converse. He doesn't understand that because he has suffered from depression and chronic pain for years. These things force him to withdraw from society before the sensory overload gets to him. Back when he was working, some of his jobs involved long hours of not having to interact with other people and it seems he cannot remember experiencing it in his distant past. I've explained that the environment with the tv and phone is not conducive to good communication and I cannot shut out the background noise so that I can focus on a conversation. He does nothing to help the situation. I've explained that I enjoy his company even when we're not talking. His mother talks all the time and needs to fill in all the silence. It annoys him because she talks about all sorts of stuff that he isn't interested in. Yet he seems to want that from me, which I do not understand at all. It has become so bad that I am very stressed when we meet, which makes it even harder for me to talk. I have come to dread our meetings. I feel so totally inadequate and he is making no effort to be supportive. What hurts even more is that I learned I have AS when I bought some books about depression to be able to understand him better and be more supportive of him. I didn't want to end our friendship because I do like him, but the pain of not having him in my life is better than the stress associated with being with him. 
I just read your 2nd post. Total bummer...I remember one woman-C, we met online & I thought we were close after many years. When my long term female friend & I broke up [again] I met C. We hiked together, ate meals, watched TV, went thru crises together [people died on me & when she was depressed I'd let her vent & hug her for hours as she cried] helped each other & I hired her when she needed a job. Eventually our relationship got closer. But I found out later she used me. It really hurt...and hurt more that she didn't care the friendship had ended. 
You made a good choice. Focus your energies on the positive!
