Tomorrow is my 21st Birthday, but I can’t stop thinking my life is a failure

[BryceMcBryde]

September 22 2024 (which is tomorrow for me) I will be 21 years old. Its supposed to a special day for me……and yet I can only think of bad things about life. I started going to community college in January 2022, and I took basic beginner classes until December 2022 (math, history, etc). I originally went to community college for a computer programming, but I changed my major in the beginning of 2023 because I realized computers were not really my thing. I changed my major to art, which may have been One of the dumbest mistakes of my life. I should’ve just gone into Music, because that’s what really interests me, and it’s something I’m actually good at. However, I wanted to learn how to draw and become an artist. Fast forward a months to January 2024, I begin my art classes……….. only to drop out. Art was really not my thing, did I despise being around the people in my class. I won’t go into detail, but I really disliked being in the same room as them. I figured I would just focus on my music at home, and get a microphone to record storytime videos on the side. Storytime videos have a pretty big following on YouTube, and I figured I could make some of them, since I have some interesting stories in my past. I figured I could narrate them with a very deadpan style of humor, and that they might catch some attention. I still plan on doing music and those videos, and I actually recently got approved for SSI, but I really feel like I screwed up my whole life by just not going into music in college. I’ve emailed my college asking if I can potentially go back since I am on SSI now, but if they say no, I don’t know what to do. I’ve emailed my college asking if I can potentially go back since I am on SSI now, but if they say no, I don’t know what to do with myself. The music and The videos are not guaranteed to take off, and while I will do everything I can to make them the best I can, I’m afraid of the outcome. I’m waiting for a response from my school.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Does your life have to be any one thing? If we measure ourselves by a specific, lifelong goal, I bet all our lives are failures.

You're also pretty young. You may have just lived a third or fourth of your life, so there's still time.

 

[Shevek]

Trying stuff out for a year or so is investigation, not failure. Just as you can't judge a book by its cover, you can't choose a career without doing some of the work. By 21 I was in my 2nd major life phase after leaving home, but I kept an open mind, and switched again at 26. It might seem wasteful, but many times things I learned in one phase have been very helpful in another field, and unknown to most of the people in it. A skill I learned as a jeweler let me do a plumbing job for 1% of another estimate. Learning to change and adapt is a very useful skill in itself.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Giving up completely would constitute failure. Unless you get smashed by a meteor, fried by lightning, or undergo some other life-ending process in the near future, you have plenty of time to find a successful path to follow.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

When you are young there seems to be a lot of pressure from yourself and others to "find yourself", settle on a career, start making money, and be an independent, productive, successful, adult. I certainly felt that. I was doing jobs and studying topics in school that I knew I wasn't going to be successful at and certainly didn't want to do. It was so frustrating, and yes, there's a lot of stress and emotions surrounding that. I was married just before my 20th birthday, a child of the "boomer" generation, so there was a lot of additional expectations of "being a man, a husband, a father". I had responsibilities now. All of that swirling around in my brain.

Luckily, I found the career of respiratory therapy, and once I got into that program, it just "clicked" and from day one, I found myself advancing at a pace that was faster than my peers. That curriculum is designed more in line with a "trade school" model, which suited me best. So, in your case, if you are finding the traditional classroom situation not suiting you, you might want to consider the alternatives in the trades. From day one, you will be learning a skill with an emphasis in "hands on" learning. I find this very attractive, as opposed to an emphasis of boring lectures and homework. Even in trade schools, there are math and sciences to be learned, but it's directly applied to the job, so you immediately appreciate the relevance and are more likely to internalize it.

Food for thought.

 

[Mary Terry]

Happy Birthday, Bryce! You're young, have your whole life ahead of you, and you obviously have excelled at many things to get to where you are today. Lots of people have a hard time figuring out what they want to be when they've grown up, and some people never settle on just one thing. I don't think education is ever wasted because we retain knowledge from whatever we've studied and often find that we can apply what we learned in one setting to a completely unrelated setting.

 

[VictorR]

You haven't failed at two things, but rather, you have learned that there are two things that probably aren't going to work for you. And that's perfectly fine. If anything, it's better that you dropped out of something that wasn't for you - it's much better to spend a term or two and to move on, then to stay committed and complete a four year degree in a field that you have no interest or passion for (yes, that actually happens a fair bit).

Knowing when to "walk away" rather than getting into a sunk cost fallacy is something valuable on its own, and so I commend you for knowing yourself.

I know that when one is young, the future seems daunting, but I can assure you that you will find in life, it's often not the destinations, but the journeys which provide the most learning, pleasure, and fulfillment.

 

[Peter Morrison]

Bryce, you may be making decisions without the commitment to support them. You are not a failure, especially since you are only 21 years old. Some people say "25 is the new 18". You have a lot of time to experiment with career issues and the world surrounding them. You may not be ready for school. Consider getting a job that will help you make money and give you the time to explore interests and your skill set. Don't let yourself become negative. Enjoy your 21st birthday (happy birthday), and relieve some of the pressure you are putting on yourself. Had you not taken those classes, you would not have known that those directions were not a good fit for you. That is not failure.

 

[Rodafina]

I will be 21 years old. Its supposed to a special day for me……

Sometimes, it's better not to worry about "supposed to."

If you want a special day, is there anything you can do to make it special? An adventure to your favorite hiking spot? A special meal/treat you don't usually have? A quiet picnic somewhere with a pet? You don't have to feel like you have everything figured out to still enjoy the day and make it something special for you. You could celebrate the idea of resilience and adaptability as you go forth into your future.

I spent my 21st birthday on a deserted beach, all alone except for the crabs and a few seagulls who were a joy to watch. It was simple, but also special.

 

[The Artistic Autistic]

September 22 2024 (which is tomorrow for me) I will be 21 years old. Its supposed to a special day for me……and yet I can only think of bad things about life. I started going to community college in January 2022, and I took basic beginner classes until December 2022 (math, history, etc). I originally went to community college for a computer programming, but I changed my major in the beginning of 2023 because I realized computers were not really my thing. I changed my major to art, which may have been One of the dumbest mistakes of my life. I should’ve just gone into Music, because that’s what really interests me, and it’s something I’m actually good at. However, I wanted to learn how to draw and become an artist. Fast forward a months to January 2024, I begin my art classes……….. only to drop out. Art was really not my thing, did I despise being around the people in my class. I won’t go into detail, but I really disliked being in the same room as them. I figured I would just focus on my music at home, and get a microphone to record storytime videos on the side. Storytime videos have a pretty big following on YouTube, and I figured I could make some of them, since I have some interesting stories in my past. I figured I could narrate them with a very deadpan style of humor, and that they might catch some attention. I still plan on doing music and those videos, and I actually recently got approved for SSI, but I really feel like I screwed up my whole life by just not going into music in college. I’ve emailed my college asking if I can potentially go back since I am on SSI now, but if they say no, I don’t know what to do. I’ve emailed my college asking if I can potentially go back since I am on SSI now, but if they say no, I don’t know what to do with myself. The music and The videos are not guaranteed to take off, and while I will do everything I can to make them the best I can, I’m afraid of the outcome. I’m waiting for a response from my school.

Im 19 and I feel the same way friend. My life really feels like a fustercluck and utter failure. I will be starting community college next year (hopefully). I've also struggled with the people in my classes.. So much inconsiderate noise, blabber, and outright shouting.. Some mean faculty too.. Little to no friends.. Constant stress, anxiety, and depression..

If you ever want to share anything I'll be here to listen. I'd love to hear a couple of your stories

 

[Shamar]

September 22 2024 (which is tomorrow for me) I will be 21 years old. Its supposed to a special day for me……and yet I can only think of bad things about life. I started going to community college in January 2022, and I took basic beginner classes until December 2022 (math, history, etc). I originally went to community college for a computer programming, but I changed my major in the beginning of 2023 because I realized computers were not really my thing. I changed my major to art, which may have been One of the dumbest mistakes of my life. I should’ve just gone into Music, because that’s what really interests me, and it’s something I’m actually good at. However, I wanted to learn how to draw and become an artist. Fast forward a months to January 2024, I begin my art classes……….. only to drop out. Art was really not my thing, did I despise being around the people in my class. I won’t go into detail, but I really disliked being in the same room as them. I figured I would just focus on my music at home, and get a microphone to record storytime videos on the side. Storytime videos have a pretty big following on YouTube, and I figured I could make some of them, since I have some interesting stories in my past. I figured I could narrate them with a very deadpan style of humor, and that they might catch some attention. I still plan on doing music and those videos, and I actually recently got approved for SSI, but I really feel like I screwed up my whole life by just not going into music in college. I’ve emailed my college asking if I can potentially go back since I am on SSI now, but if they say no, I don’t know what to do. I’ve emailed my college asking if I can potentially go back since I am on SSI now, but if they say no, I don’t know what to do with myself. The music and The videos are not guaranteed to take off, and while I will do everything I can to make them the best I can, I’m afraid of the outcome. I’m waiting for a response from my school.

You have not been around long enough to be a failure. You can fail at things without being a failure, as long as you keep trying to succeed at something. Don't give up yet.

 

[jsilver256]

You are far from alone. I didn't get my stuff together until I was 25, tons of executive functioning issues and was still a child in many ways until then. I've seen someone speculate here that the autistic brain doesn't really mature until age 25. Sounds about right.

 

[Au Naturel]

I didn't have an economically viable future until I was 29. It may be something like ADHD or depression is getting in the way of enjoying something long enough to get a degree in it.

My first year in college I failed or dropped so many courses they didn't want me back. It was a combination of raging ADHD, "mild" autism, and severe depression. I managed to do well in a 2-year program to get an advertising degree, but then the autism thing hit again. Working in advertising calls for supreme social skills, or you will be left alone in the mail room. I couldn't get anywhere until I got my head together and happened to "get lucky" in another area.

"Getting lucky" is really just being alert to the subtle things you usually ignore to find what you need. Getting your head together may call for therapy or even medication. Or, maybe just a deep dive into philosophy. I had nothing better to do with my time.

 

[FilterFreq]

September 22 2024 (which is tomorrow for me) I will be 21 years old. Its supposed to a special day for me……and yet I can only think of bad things about life. I started going to community college in January 2022, and I took basic beginner classes until December 2022 (math, history, etc). I originally went to community college for a computer programming, but I changed my major in the beginning of 2023 because I realized computers were not really my thing. I changed my major to art, which may have been One of the dumbest mistakes of my life. I should’ve just gone into Music, because that’s what really interests me, and it’s something I’m actually good at. However, I wanted to learn how to draw and become an artist. Fast forward a months to January 2024, I begin my art classes……….. only to drop out. Art was really not my thing, did I despise being around the people in my class. I won’t go into detail, but I really disliked being in the same room as them. I figured I would just focus on my music at home, and get a microphone to record storytime videos on the side. Storytime videos have a pretty big following on YouTube, and I figured I could make some of them, since I have some interesting stories in my past. I figured I could narrate them with a very deadpan style of humor, and that they might catch some attention. I still plan on doing music and those videos, and I actually recently got approved for SSI, but I really feel like I screwed up my whole life by just not going into music in college. I’ve emailed my college asking if I can potentially go back since I am on SSI now, but if they say no, I don’t know what to do. I’ve emailed my college asking if I can potentially go back since I am on SSI now, but if they say no, I don’t know what to do with myself. The music and The videos are not guaranteed to take off, and while I will do everything I can to make them the best I can, I’m afraid of the outcome. I’m waiting for a response from my school.

Wow, we have a lot of similar interests. Don't give up! The world needs more artistic types.

The sad truth is that there's really not a whole lot of money in music or art (unless you want to be a teacher or something, I guess), but I really hope that doesn't dissuade you from living a passionate life doing what you want to do. A lot of people who even work professionally in these fields have other means of income, but honestly, I don't think any of these things could be considered 'dumb' or 'mistakes', and your trajectory is very much par for the course. Every artist or musician starts out confused, it's just the way it goes. Heck, we might even stay that way permanently, despite eventually getting to wherever we want to be.

Also, don't rule out teaching yourself whatever skills you want to know. I know we're all supposed to buy into a (likely failing) structured learning system, but if you've got access to the internet, a library card, or anything like that, you can pretty much learn anything you want to know in the meantime. Definitely take opportunities as they come, but if they're not responding or something isn't panning out, don't let that stop you from living your best life on your own terms.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I have met quite a lot taxi drivers who finished maths or physics carreers. There are also many people working at delivery who finished their studies or even had good jobs in their past.

Spain is full of inmigrants from latin america who are great profesionals and are now limited to work cleaning houses because their titles and experience are being ignored.

Those people are not fails, a human being is quite more than a job or a title. And is worth more than the number of their paycheck. Many of them are happy people with hobbies, friends, families and a life worth of being lived.

Your definition of failure put as fails more than 50% of mankind... Its a bad definition that hurts you.

Breathe and focus on what you can do. You are so focused on what you cant do.

By the way, many of those profesional paths that you closed, are being substitued by AI, as many others. There is no way to know if that studies will pay back.

Just do what you can do.

 

[Shevek]

Happy Birthday! You have, at least, the luxury of youth and time for adventures to come.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Happy Birthday

 

[Eren]

I feel the same and I'm almost 30

 

[Judge]

Frankly I've always thought that my life relative to any perceived successes and failures began around the age of 21 and not really before. So you've only just begun.

 

[BryceMcBryde]

Thank you everyone for the advice and birthday wishes. It really means a lot