Too Aspie for NTs, too NT for Aspies.

[mlrock]

I don't think I've ever received a formal diagnosis of being anywhere on the autistic spectrum. However, I often find myself in a weird place. I definitely display some traits commonly associated with Aspies, among these are above average intelligence, a youthful demeanor and speaking pattern, poor motor skills, difficulty in making friends and forming romantic and sexual relationships, and various neuroses. I must point out that despite having some of these traits, I am very outgoing and have a very large circle of friends. However, I often feel that many other Aspies are too socially inept for me to be able to relate to, and some of them just annoy me. At the same time, most of my interests are more characteristic of NTs, such as my love of classic rock music and stand-up comedy. I'm also something of a partier and I enjoy getting drunk and stoned. Despite my interests, many NTs don't seem to be able to relate to me and some of them find me annoying. As a result, I don't feel that there are many people who truly understand me. Does anybody else ever feel this way? If so, how do you cope?

 

[King_Oni]

Hi, I recognize a part of what you mention here. Mind you, I have a formal diagnosis and a list of official and not so official comorbid issues ranging from ADHD and bipolar to some kind of identity disorder. Even when I got my results in earlier this year, I scored way above the norm for what was even "normal" for people with autism (to put it on a comedic note; I was a speech impediment away from being rainman; let's not argue about the entire "but he's not autistic even, heh). Yet, I'm not the stereotypical autistic person I guess. Yes, I have my issues, but I've always been a loner, and as such people don't even see that I can't or won't put up with certain things. That's something you get if you live a rather reclusive life at some stages in life.

That being said; I do go out to clubs from time to time, I sometimes visit concerts. I dare say that a fair share of my music preference might be an all out assault on the aspie brain for some. I can go anywhere from drum&bass to some obscure, extreme grindcore thing within a minute on my playlist and enjoy both. So I might like my stuff a bit more loud and extreme. I'm probably, just based on looks, a person who would draw some attention to himself even. And in the past it was way worse. 10 years ago, people frowned if you had a piercing your eyebrow... I clearly overdid it with 10+ facial piercings.

Do I relate to aspies that much? I relate to them just like I relate to other NT people. I don't really care what their issue is, and what label it has. If we can get along fine, it's fine with me. If we can't, then... we shouldn't hang out, no harm done. Yes, I end up having a really limited group of friends. Currently, my girlfriend (who is an aspie as well) and a friend (who; of course, is an aspie, heh). Besides them the only NT people in my life are my parents. I can't relate to them a whole lot, but I blame age, and not their NT-ness.

Also, just like you, I like to have some drinks from time to time... drunk.. sure, plastered, no thanks. Stoned... every once in a while. I don't frown at any substance (ab)use... doesn't mean I do it all myself, but I don't have that "you can't do that, that's not correct" thing going on, some more stereotypical autistic people might have. Also, stand-up comedy, I don't know if it's something aspies shouldn't like even... I think a bunch on the forum here like it. Depending on your preferences probably.

If I look at my friend, he's an aspie and he's more likely to run up to people at places and talk to them. He's more social in that sense. Yet, he still bears that same "label" as me.

So all in all, don't cling too much on stereotypes. You're not a label, you're a person, and depending on how a psychologist sees it, he might conclude that because there's enough that adds up, and label you on either side of the coin... it's still the same coin though.

To answer your question; how do you cope? Well, I somewhat cope in doing stuff I like... yes, that is somewhat egotistical I guess. I don't live for others. If others wants a part of my cake, sure... enjoy it, but if people can't deal with me, that's their loss, not mine.

The only thing that might be troublesome is if you crave something you can't have because of some kind of ineptness. If you're socially inept but you crave social groups and friends, then yes... you might rethink what you're doing, perhaps talk to a therapist about it, look at causes, follow training, there's a whole lot you can do. Or just look for friends that are more acceptible of your quirks. I found that that one helps best, heh