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too weird/autistic for love?

apolloidolsice

apolloidolsice

Active Member
I'm an 18AFAB/NB who's been thinking about love and the future lately. I am in a situationship with a girl who due to her religion and family probably won't go anywhere, and having her be kind enough to give me my first-ever kiss and let me "cop a feel" made me understand I want a future wife and crave love. But I think I'm a little too weird/autistic to be able to date. Let me explain.
  1. I don't like social media, at least not face/selfie-based ones. I prefer Pinterest and Reddit to Instagram or TikTok since the first two are based more on text and interest-based content than appearance and trends if that makes sense.
  2. I'm a bit weird with technology. I like physical media and collect DVDs, vinyls, and CDs, and don't like streaming services. I also have for a long time been using MP3s instead of phone Spotify since I like not hearing ads or having to use my phone all the time. I've been using my phone for the last few months since the MP3s I've been using stopped working with Windows (roxcore) but I will soon be using an MP3 again as I found a used, working MP3 player on eBay I'm gonna get for my birthday soon.
  3. I only like old media. It's my special interest, and since 11 I've been educating myself on old movies. I have different phases for different eras/genres for both music and film, especially during high school when I didn't have friends so I had tons of time to learn. I've watched and had intense phases with (but not only) blaxploitation, silent film, 40s noir, 60s sexploitation, 80s thrillers, etc. With music, I usually fixate on old bands, with me currently being on oingo boingo but during high school, I was totally obsessed with the doors. Movie-wise, I'm currently into 80s Noir and music-wise into new wave.


  • Am I too much for the average girl? Am I too off-putting? I'm a little too masculine and chubby to be one of those "manic pixie dream girls", so I'm a little nervous cuz after feeling the magic of having a girl like me enough to give me my first kiss I know I cannot be without love, but I'm scared I'll scare the ladies.
 
Do not let other people define you as weird. Never. You seem pretty normal to me. Look inward to define yourself. That first kiss confirmed some of the best you think of yourself, but never seek validation of yourself from others.

Do you also have interests that you can use for interesting dating ideas? Good luck, guy.
 
From what you wrote, I honestly can't see anything "off-putting" - and as @Gerald Wilgus says, don't let others define you. There's someone for everyone out there. My partner apparently seems quite weird to others, as I have heard, but I love them to bits and couldn't imagine anyone better for me. We're all weird in our own ways.
 
apolloidolsice said:
  • Am I too much for the average girl? Am I too off-putting? I'm a little too masculine and chubby to be one of those "manic pixie dream girls", so I'm a little nervous cuz after feeling the magic of having a girl like me enough to give me my first kiss I know I cannot be without love, but I'm scared I'll scare the ladies.
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That entirely rests with what the other person feels about you. Not how humanity feels about you in general.

I had a number of such interests and still do, though in hindsight I don't think they had any negative impact on my relationships with NT women.

So don't think in terms of what scares them, but rather what they may find to be interesting about you. That in some cases you just might find that it's your traits and behaviors that for whatever reason draws them to you.
 
When you are just you, you will attract the ones, you want to attract. Because they will like / love / be crazy about you for all the right reasons. In that way you can skip any acting / masking / being impressive for all the wrong reasons, and simply love.

And, by the way, do not think about what is weird or not. There is luckily no real normal. Even if some normies try to really fit into that non-existing category. Be free and know that you are free to love whoever you want. Good luck finding the one you miss.
 
@apolloidolsice, I agree with others above. You are not defined by your special interests. In fact, I would rather not have people "identify" at all. People put themselves into these categories and restrict themselves. It's not good from a learning and intellect perspective, and it's not good from an emotional, psycho-social perspective. Be open-minded enough to listen to people, and it may surprise you that, in turn, you will be listened to, as well. Reciprocity. My wife and I have very different special interests, but the key to success is to allow it and support it. Value the person, support them, lift them up, be a positive influence.

A lot in this world has changed, but some things never do. Often times the same personality traits that attracted your grandparents and great grandparents to each other, are the same today. Virtues of honesty, integrity, empathy, and a long list of other positive attributes are what keep relationships healthy over the long term. Our minds and bodies change over time, but there are those positive virtues that are at the foundation.

Autism is an interesting condition when it comes to interpersonal relationships. However, if you take a step back and examine what's going on, it often comes down to communication differences. We often interpret, internalize, and perceive our world differently than most people. We cannot expect others to just accept us and make those adjustments and accommodations, per se, but rather we have to have an acceptance and understanding of our own differences. We have to make peace with ourselves. I often perceive myself as "an observing alien". I don't understand a lot of human behavior when it comes to emotions and "group think". I've been with the same woman for 40 years, yet she is a complete mystery to me. Yet, obviously, we've made it work. I am constantly clarifying what she is thinking because, frankly, I have zero idea. Now, I could get emotionally upset and frustrated at this, OR I could just accept it for what it is, be thankful for what I have, and adapt.

Enjoy your special interests, as it is likely you will have many more over the many years of your life. Understand that you may not understand people, that they may be a bit of a mystery. That's OK. Accept it and ask clarifying questions. Focus upon being a positive force in someone else's life. Sometimes the most satisfying "dopamine hits" you will receive is when you give of yourself and receive some gratitude for it. Many of us tend to think inward and get depressed about out situation, but thinking outward takes our minds off of ourselves and onto someone else and this is where love and friendships have their foundations.
 
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There maybe a 100 woman that will never like you, but you may find one who is exactly like you, and they feel they will never meet someone that has the same likes and dislikes as themselves. Also, new people open us up to new experiences, so that's a great thing too. Doing things together actually bond couples. So always try to do something, like a walk, trip to a zoo or museum, go on a bike ride, go to a concert, go roller skating, go to a movie.
 
Nobody EVER leans toward their romantic partner and says "I love you because you are just like everyone else."

The concept, "normal," is way, way overrated. In fact, "normal" is a completely imaginary thing. It does not exist.

I happily consider myself weird. I prefer the term "freakazoid."

Instead of hiding my weird self, I play it up, and have fun. I have zero interest in being this:

OIP.jpeg


It is much too much fun being weird.
 
I have been in real relationships, and l have been in half relationships, where you just are with someone because. But these are all a learning experience, and l know what l really like in a partner. I am not so critical, and l learned how to be more supportive. I definitely found out l have a type, and if they are on the spectrum, that helps. I don't do well with NT men, and l can have an instant dislike of them which l mask extremely well. Also, l am not afraid of being single, l enjoy it just as much.
 
Fino said:
You don't need to date everyone. Just one person needs to like you.
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Well, as they say, it's a numbers game. So, maybe you do need to date "everyone." However, it's not about finding someone like you, it's about finding someone imperfect who you and the other person can accept each others' imperfections and interests.
 
Aspychata said:
There maybe a 100 woman that will never like you, but you may find one who is exactly like you, and they feel they will never meet someone that has the same likes and dislikes as themselves. Also, new people open us up to new experiences, so that's a great thing too. Doing things together actually bond couples. So always try to do something, like a walk, trip to a zoo or museum, go on a bike ride, go to a concert, go roller skating, go to a movie.
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I learned when dating my future spouse the importance of shared experiences for solidifying the relationship. And, sometimes those experiences aren't always the one's that happen without incident.

One of the first canoeing experiences with her was launching in Lake St. Claire to poke around in the Saint Clair River marshes. We were well away from the launch and a series of squalls were coming across the lake and we were not wanting to be on the lake, so we landed on a high spot (hardly high) in the marsh and crawled under the overturned canoe, smoking Cools to keep the mosquitos at bay while several storms swept across us. We finally got off the water, went to my house for a hot shower, then went over to Greektown for a really nice meal. It was a memorable day and I guess she was not deterred as she not only stayed with me, but she loves canoeing and is a great paddler. Plus, after quite a day, and a little Greek wine, I was treated to some nice cuddles.

The lesson is, do not be afraid to create shared experiences and your ability to improvise when things go sideways will be appreciated. Those shared experiences are part of the glue that binds relationships. [Along with respect, care, acceptance, love and intimacy]
 
Aspychata said:
but you may find one who is exactly like you, and they feel they will never meet someone that has the same likes and dislikes as themselves.
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EXACTLY! I had almost given up on finding a woman who liked outdoor recreation when I met my future spouse who was hoping to meet a man to do outdoor activities with. We met on a trail maintenance trip. We have been having adventures for 46 years.
 
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@Gerald Wilgus , you have defined what a successful relationship is. My last person l saw, l grew. And we grew together. We realized we have some specialized interests in common. And the passion is definitely there, but sometimes the timing isn't right, but it still was a chance for me to mature maybe in a way l didn't when l was married. And part of being mature means being able to walk away also.
 
Do you want the average girl, or the right one for you?

Maybe a lot of your peers approach things differently--I remember being made fun of for liking old music, etc., when I was young--but nothing you described is weird. And though I was teased by some people for my taste, I had enough friends in high school who appreciated old movies and music, too. Now all that is normal. At least, more normal than it used to be.
 
And if I ever do meet someone else, I have to figure out a way to make sure the person is not an asexual person and to make sure they don't have issues surrounding physical intimacy
 
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