Trouble reading up on social skills.

[Ylva]

I keep trying to read up on social skills, but those books should come with content warnings. They trigger flashbacks so intensely I can barely remember what I read afterwards. Of course, this inability to learn these particular things doesn't help me feel prepared for social interaction, so I feel more anxious when dealing with people than maybe I have to.

Does anyone have any advice? Insights? Book recs?

 

[Lady Penelope]

I just read "How to start and end conversations" and found that less than useless.

I find talking with my psychologist about specific details of concern or where i seem to get stuck has helped. Getting her feedback and giving me tips and a different perspective. Turns out NTs are pretty inept also ... not taught social etiquette these days. So whilst they may pick up cues easier they often ignore them.

Do you have something in particular? Breaking it down to small areas usually helps me .. the overall picture can be overwhelming.

I find it hard to approch people and leaving a conversation...saying no to undesirable invitations...and the like.

 

[Streetwise]

try YouTube!!! I type in what I'm thinking and sometimes I get exactly what I said, YouTube is good for people on the autism spectrum as it's all pictures.
or I try children's books for toddlers.
after books for toddlers I'm nonplussed.

 

[Suzanne]

Bad news! It is not going to happen by reading books. Because it is so subtle that it defies reasoning. When I think I am doing ok socially, I suddenly find I am doing really badly and it confuses me, when nts try to explain it to me.

You can ask someone how they are and soon regret asking how they are Can try listening into conversations, but such a huge amount of disjointing going on, that you would need to say: can I listen in, so I can learn how to communicate?

How I am seeing it all, social ques are not all that! I would love for an nt to say: I wish that I knew the social ques of an aspie, because they make a lot of sense in what they say and you know exactly where you are with them. If they do not like you, they will say so and thus, you know where you stand and can move on. All this snubbing etc, is just so pathetic.

I know there are some nts out there, who have a dash of aspie in them

 

[Streetwise]

i rely on asking how are you? always looking for the bored face!!!!!! I remember in my mother's say for G~d's sake let them talk! I have literally talked til I went hoarse.
haven't done it for years I'm robotic now! listen to if they sound unwell(ill) coughing or sneezing ,in Sunderland we say I'll let you get
away ,meaning we need to do other things.
what if they yawn they probably need to
sleep.
the best advice is people usually want to talk about themselves!!!

 

[Ambi]

This site and this book: Ways Adults With Asperger's Syndrome Can Improve Their Social Skills | www.succeedsocially.com

I think the advice really, really helps give context and understanding for what commonly goes on socially so that I won't misunderstand and I can learn how not to be misunderstood.

 

[Ylva]

Thank you everyone for the input!

Do you have something in particular? Breaking it down to small areas usually helps me .. the overall picture can be overwhelming.

This is true.

As for particular, I get a lot of negative feedback, even indirectly from articles and other sources that roundly condemn my natural body language as dislikable.

try YouTube!!! I type in what I'm thinking and sometimes I get exactly what I said

I'll try this. YouTube can be a treasure trove.

Bad news! It is not going to happen by reading books. Because it is so subtle that it defies reasoning.

Indeed. I just don't want to wing everything, I'd like to be prepared.

This site and this book

That seems like a good site. I will try the book. This quote is me:

By the time they reach adulthood they may have completely associated socializing with things such as failure, discouragement, anxiety, confusion, depression, rejection, and not being accepted for who they are. It's kind of hard to get enthusiastic about learning and working on something that brings up those feelings in you.

 

[Streetwise]

Thank you everyone for the input!



This is true.

As for particular, I get a lot of negative feedback, even indirectly from articles and other sources that roundly condemn my natural body language as dislikable.



I'll try this. YouTube can be a treasure trove.



Indeed. I just don't want to wing everything, I'd like to be prepared.



That seems like a good site. I will try the book. This quote is me:

one thing that has changed that is having panic disorder ,ive forced myself to be verbal with n.t's ,as the feeling of terrible anxiety attacks, turning into panic attacks, is slowly physically killing me .

 

[Streetwise]

s

Thank you everyone for the input!



This is true.

As for particular, I get a lot of negative feedback, even indirectly from articles and other sources that roundly condemn my natural body language as dislikable.



I'll try this. YouTube can be a treasure trove.



Indeed. I just don't want to wing everything, I'd like to be prepared.



That seems like a good site. I will try the book. This quote is me:

sorry if i undid someones rating its the panic i forget what it means .

 

[Ylva]

We're good. The ratings are for fun.