Trouble with Regular Conversations?

[Nyades]

Sorry for the length.

I have a strange problem in trying to follow conversations that either focus or reference fiction (popular drama, Sci-fi or otherwise). Despite having tried repeatedly, fictional books, movies and television programs always fly right past my head. I've never been able to remember names well and I definitely can't remember faces so the common skill of knowing actors and roles they played is way beyond me. And for some reason the storylines, that I suppose parallel real life situations, leave me just as confused as everyday interactions/scenarios do. I mentioned previously in the shoutbox that I find the publication date one of the most interesting points of a book, which is probably why I read so few books as I tend to get stuck on the title page. I was trying to be humorous but at the same time, it's true.

I mention this because not only is this a major block for me in interacting in real life, but it also even leaves me speechless when on the internet. Even the shoutbox here seems to often cycle back to fiction.

I don't intend this to sound whiny, so I hope it doesn't come across that way. But I've seriously been thinking about this lately following two discussions with separate (male) managers at work recently. One suggested that a disinterest in fiction is a common female trait. (This confused me because I also fail to have any interest in "female" subjects that are based on emotions and abstract concepts but I guess those are fiction too.) In the other conversation I was trying to explain that for me non-fiction is like fiction is for others, various theories and contemplations are like a temporary escape from reality. Theorizing is like a puzzle or game that just happens to also have applications in reality.

Generally, my conversations with others are brief and awkward due to the aforementioned reasons. There are a couple people who quietly sit and listen when I try to explain my ideas or make references to theoretical concepts. I suspect, though, that the majority of the time if not always, they either don't follow what I'm trying to say or prefer not to think like that. (Or maybe they can't, I don't know.) It does get awful lonesome though, not relating very well to others. I will list a couple examples to better describe my typical conversations.


Conversation One:

Other person: "Did you see the new reality tv show about fictional monsters in New York last night?"

Me: "No. I usually only watch documentaries, Family Guy, or Big Bang Theory. Regular tv programs don't usually make any sense to me."

Other person: "Okay. I'll see you later."


Conversation Two:

Other person: "It was like when <insert tv character> went to <insert place> and <insert action details>."

Me: "Huh?"


Conversation Three:

Other person: "How has your day been?"

Me: "Really good, actually. I was contemplating a probable cost-effective solution for carbon cleanup of gas engines that involves an algae filter attachment for cars. Of course, right now there are a lot of unresolved variables such as ample sunlight for the cultivation of the algae but it could always be mounted on the roof. I'm not sure if people would go for it aesthetically though. And there would need to be an automated harvesting system, but the algae grown could be used to make the biofuel to propel the car..."

Other person: "Okay. I have some food that I have to go cook now. Later."


Or a recent conversation at work as a clerk:

Me (trying to make pleasant conversation): "The drink you've chosen seems quite disproportionate to your salad and giant candy bar."

Customer: "What?"

Me: "The drink you've chosen seems quite disproportionate to your salad and giant candy bar."

Customer (obviously suddenly angry): "Okay."

Then the customer abruptly walks away and leaves.


It definitely seems that I might just be a minority of one here. But does anyone have any insight into this problem and perhaps suggestions for a place to socialize free of the binds of fiction?

 

[King_Oni]

Really straightforward... don't go out and socialize. This is what it usually results in with a lot of aspies from what I understand. I'm somewhat in the same boat as you.

A lot of people (dare I say; most) don't really care for details and thinking about alternatives. I've encountered many people that thought that because it's on tv, I am aware what "it" is, much like people assume you know what's in current popcharts.

I don't know if I should say it's aspie-specific, since I do reference a lot of stuff from movies and series, but that's because I watch a lot and therefore apparently know a lot. That's one of the things I spend time on and somewhat care about. Don't ask me to quote a movie though, but applying movie/series analogy to a real life situation is something that happens a lot when talking to me. Perhaps that's one of them things others could call an "obsession" (though I don't think it is; I just remember and pick up stuff like that easily).

From what I've learned is that a lot of people want brief answers, and preferebly something that's "easy", "not negative" and it comes across as more of a courtesy to ask you how your day was. A lot of people don't really care... chances are if you go on to say "It wasn't good" people will also go on and ask why, only to cut you off after a minute because it's too much information they don't really care about, and a such, asking for an explanation is a similar courtesy. I hate the fact that people are lack some depth to relate to your issue and have time to talk about it. Quite often an argument used is "sorry, gotta run", which I think is utter ********. Don't start a convo with me if you don't have time to talk.

Let's go on another route; Say... we don't use tv shows for reference in conversations. Can I use any analogy out of the history of philosophy? In general people might use references, be it tv, movie, books and in some cases they can use documentary (or at least something non-fiction). Sometimes I feel that references are unneeded, but that's a filter some people lack or don't know how to apply.

The big thing that's annoying here is if you ask someone, who uses a reference, "what does it mean?" you'll get a weird stare, and that's awareness on their behalf, not neccesarily yours. They should not expect everyone to know everything they know. If I tell a joke and my girlfriend doesn't get it, I'll have to explain it... and I will. That's more courtesy than any of that smalltalk courtesy a lot of people apply, lol.

Looking at your examples;

1. What was the point of this person talking to you? Does this person lack depth and will only ramble about a tv-show? That sounds just as forced as me, the aspie, having a memo on me, with a script of a step by step convo.

2. That should've ended in this other person explaining it... not in a "huh" from your side and just that.

3. Cutting someone off, while asking him something... and especially cutting someone off and leaving, is rude. I'd probably blacklist said person and wouldn't even start engaging in conversation again. If he/she would talk to me I'd probably be "you going to walk away again?"... since I will remember such situations vividly for years.

4. Why did you feel to comment on that? Trying to make friendly conversation? While you might have been right about the proportions, a lot of people wouldn't like that "negative" comment I think. As for myself; I'd probably go ask "and why is that? Perhaps I'm really thirsty" (assuming the drink was bigger than usual). I think it would be the same as being cashier at a supermarket and telling people that they're too fat and should lay of the snacks and soda when they're at your checkout. True, yes... neccesary... probably not, a lot of people can't deal with those comments.

 

[Nyades]

Oh wow. It never occurred to me that the customer might have thought it was a negative statement towards their diet or weight until you just mentioned it. I was just trying to be more personable and stated the obvious because I couldn't think of anything else to say. I honestly only figured that maybe they had an aversion to observing product sizes and thus became mad. The most basic and obvious things never occur to me: (
As for references, fiction or otherwise, if people would provide explanations as well I'd probably do a lot better. However, the point of discussing a particular show elludes me.
I keep going back to the whole best just to not say anything concept but I still have a strong desire to interact with people that seems to continue to trump that resolve.

 

[imagesbyholly]

I always like to notice funny/ discordant things ans share them with other people, thinking they will find it amusing too. The end up thinking I"m just a weirdo. There are some people I can talk like that with, but mostly not. I have to remember to think of conversation as something to benefit the other person. People like to hear encouraging, positive things. I might have said exactly what you said about the drink/ candybar at one time (and maybe still- I'm no expert at conversation yet), but now I have to think to myself, "This statement won't be amusing to them. They might be confused or annoyed. They don't have my sense of humor. I'm better off not saying it. what can I say that will make them feel cared about?" Like maybe, nice jacket. Or, that salad looks really good.

I am no good at small talk with strangers. I feel for you. I like some fiction personally, but mostly very old books not many others read, and i have a hard time finding common interests as I think most tv shows are dumb and annoying (not a judgement on others!). I don't tell anyone I think they are dumb and annoying in person though. I don't think they are dumb and annoying for liking the show- I know it's just me. It is hard to chat with people when you don't have common interests! I find when I really get to know someone, my quirkiness doesn't put them off so much. Especially if I make an effort on my end.

Also, sometimes other people are weird and quirky, and it's not just you! Don't give up on interaction. We all need it. I wish I could give up on it to but I'm the same way.

 

[Cerulean]

I have a hard time with this too. I love sitcoms though- I've got a few committed to memory (thanks, DVDs!) and whenever I can't figure out what my next move is in a conversation, I'll pull an obscure line from one of them. I know it will be alright because I remember the reactions of the other characters on the show.