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True Friends...
- Thread starter Darkkin
- Start date
To me true Friends are those who are happy to have me in their lifes.
Some of them will be there for talking, others not.
Some will be there for playing some board games, others not.
Some will lend me money in case of need, others not.
Its important to know your friends boundaries, likes and dislikes to ask them what they are willing to give you.
Some of them will be there for talking, others not.
Some will be there for playing some board games, others not.
Some will lend me money in case of need, others not.
Its important to know your friends boundaries, likes and dislikes to ask them what they are willing to give you.
True friends...can surprise you during a conversation.
e.g. I forgot my lunchbag in the refrigerator yesterday when I left for work. (It was a closing shift.) I mentioned it to my best friend when I got home because I can do things like that pretty regularly. I'm honest enough that I can laugh at myself about it.
What surprised me was her reply. She asked me why I didn't just text her and have her drop it off at the store.
And I was honest, the thought never occurred to me. It is 10.2 miles round trip, about fifteen minutes both ways. That is a lot of effort just to bring someone lunch, not to mention an inconvenience to them.
The fact that she said something about not asking really illustrated how truly there she is for me.
e.g. I forgot my lunchbag in the refrigerator yesterday when I left for work. (It was a closing shift.) I mentioned it to my best friend when I got home because I can do things like that pretty regularly. I'm honest enough that I can laugh at myself about it.
What surprised me was her reply. She asked me why I didn't just text her and have her drop it off at the store.
And I was honest, the thought never occurred to me. It is 10.2 miles round trip, about fifteen minutes both ways. That is a lot of effort just to bring someone lunch, not to mention an inconvenience to them.
The fact that she said something about not asking really illustrated how truly there she is for me.
I dont exactly have many friends offline... after all, keeping to myself as much as I do I dont exactly meet people much... but what few I do know have proven themselves in a whole pile of ways.
But the things that really stand out for me is that they deal with my general weirdness with understanding and acceptance. They know I'm autistic and I'm like 99.99% sure my closest friend has either completely figured out or at least heavily suspects my gender issues, and when it comes to ALL of that, they just roll with it, no problems. Always have. Even when I'm in full cosplay mode (AKA "girl mode") at conventions and jacked up on caffeine and sleep deprivation (I get really loopy... my own fault, really, nobody else to blame on that one. I did eventually learn to tone that problem down).
And they also are good at tolerating my need for distance. I aint always so good at communication, sometimes I can go a good while without talking to any given person, and that's definitely an ongoing problem for me, but... they get it. They always have. And I'm thankful for that. Same with family too, they know I can be really distant but they just allow that as it keeps me from getting overwhelmed. Though I am trying to change it a little as I know it bothers my mom in particular. But in any case, yeah, friends have always been fine about that.
Overall... they're fine with who I *actually* am, instead of the messed up, fully masked version that I show everyone else.
Also, banter. You KNOW you're close friends when you can trade verbal barbs during some sort of competitive activity and then you both end up on the floor trying not to pass out from laughing too hard.
I do rather wish I could do more for them though. Used to be, what I'd do for my closest friend typically involved my car. He couldnt drive, for the longest time, didnt get his license. So, he needed to go somewhere? Just say the word, and boom, I'm headed over there. Took him to work a lot, actually. No problem to me, I enjoy driving and we could chat about random things the whole way.
Though in recent times, after like 20 bloody years he got a license and a car, so that's not needed anymore... I dont know what else I can really do, that was like the extent of my usefulness.
But the things that really stand out for me is that they deal with my general weirdness with understanding and acceptance. They know I'm autistic and I'm like 99.99% sure my closest friend has either completely figured out or at least heavily suspects my gender issues, and when it comes to ALL of that, they just roll with it, no problems. Always have. Even when I'm in full cosplay mode (AKA "girl mode") at conventions and jacked up on caffeine and sleep deprivation (I get really loopy... my own fault, really, nobody else to blame on that one. I did eventually learn to tone that problem down).
And they also are good at tolerating my need for distance. I aint always so good at communication, sometimes I can go a good while without talking to any given person, and that's definitely an ongoing problem for me, but... they get it. They always have. And I'm thankful for that. Same with family too, they know I can be really distant but they just allow that as it keeps me from getting overwhelmed. Though I am trying to change it a little as I know it bothers my mom in particular. But in any case, yeah, friends have always been fine about that.
Overall... they're fine with who I *actually* am, instead of the messed up, fully masked version that I show everyone else.
Also, banter. You KNOW you're close friends when you can trade verbal barbs during some sort of competitive activity and then you both end up on the floor trying not to pass out from laughing too hard.
I do rather wish I could do more for them though. Used to be, what I'd do for my closest friend typically involved my car. He couldnt drive, for the longest time, didnt get his license. So, he needed to go somewhere? Just say the word, and boom, I'm headed over there. Took him to work a lot, actually. No problem to me, I enjoy driving and we could chat about random things the whole way.
Though in recent times, after like 20 bloody years he got a license and a car, so that's not needed anymore... I dont know what else I can really do, that was like the extent of my usefulness.
Calling me at the worst time in my life, even though we hadn't spoken in a while.
Ella Spell
Well-Known Member
They don't give up on me, even when I'm at my worst.
They make and accept apologies with sincerity.
They make and accept apologies with sincerity.
The friends I have that I consider true friends, show they care about me with actions, instead of just saying it. Usually unprompted.
Anyone can *say* they like you, a real friend will show it.
True friends will also admit when they’ve screwed up and will let you hold them accountable.
Anyone can *say* they like you, a real friend will show it.
True friends will also admit when they’ve screwed up and will let you hold them accountable.
LadyS
One eye permanently raised it seems...
Kinda realized over time there are different kinds of friendships and each can be true in its own right but have different ranking:
Friends who are always there to help in your time of need, whatever it may be and vice versa. They usually have your back and not afraid to call you out or be called out. They help you grow as a person too.
Friends who hold the same interests and enjoy pursuing them with you.
Friends who you are comfortable opening up to and talking to.
Friends who are just plain amusing to be around.. they know how to bring another side to you.
Each hold different value to me. I'm trying not to hold the same expectations for each one.
Unfortunately I haven't found a friend yet that falls in every category.. pretty close but still falls short.
Friends who are always there to help in your time of need, whatever it may be and vice versa. They usually have your back and not afraid to call you out or be called out. They help you grow as a person too.
Friends who hold the same interests and enjoy pursuing them with you.
Friends who you are comfortable opening up to and talking to.
Friends who are just plain amusing to be around.. they know how to bring another side to you.
Each hold different value to me. I'm trying not to hold the same expectations for each one.
Unfortunately I haven't found a friend yet that falls in every category.. pretty close but still falls short.
This was a very smart idea for a thread, @Darkkin. I know many of us here have questions or difficulties with friendship. It's wise for us to look at good examples in our lives and reconsider what we have or need from others.
I'm trying to think what my twin brother and I have done for each other in our past lives and in the present, and what we would do for each other for the future too, with one hundred percent full confidence there, as that was and is my ideal definition of true friendship as it so far has lasted the longest.
In summary, I feel true friendship is when:
-We know each other very well and when we can speak without much constraint, without worrying about the other taking offense for most issues discussed.
-We accept and appreciate each other, despite any oddities and differences in personalities, interests, goals and beliefs there.
-We are there for each other for emergencies without delay and for stressful times and happy occasions--and for average days too.
-We know when to support each other, when to give advice, and when to give space.
-For sensitive topics and important decisions, and where the other's opinion may be needed, we are mostly informed in our views, often thus fair in our remarks, and often trying to find common ground or be constructive in our opinions.
-We feel happy when the other is happy, sad when they are sad, and truly wish the best for them each day.
-We keep remembering the good times together and do not even think of the bad, as the good far outweighed that.
-We give relatively equal efforts, reciprocation and initiation, instead of expecting the other to do most of that there.
-We can sense things in each other and react appropriately, from having giving enough attention to the other there for extended period of time.
-We mean what we say to the other instead of telling them what they want to hear.
-We are not embarrassed of each other in other people's presence--but proud.
-We feel less lonely, stronger or wiser from, or motivated or positive with the communications.
And there are a few online who I think could satisfy much of the above, as already I see several points satisfied there so far, so I appreciate their friendliness and efforts too. Thanks!
--
In summary, I feel true friendship is when:
-We know each other very well and when we can speak without much constraint, without worrying about the other taking offense for most issues discussed.
-We accept and appreciate each other, despite any oddities and differences in personalities, interests, goals and beliefs there.
-We are there for each other for emergencies without delay and for stressful times and happy occasions--and for average days too.
-We know when to support each other, when to give advice, and when to give space.
-For sensitive topics and important decisions, and where the other's opinion may be needed, we are mostly informed in our views, often thus fair in our remarks, and often trying to find common ground or be constructive in our opinions.
-We feel happy when the other is happy, sad when they are sad, and truly wish the best for them each day.
-We keep remembering the good times together and do not even think of the bad, as the good far outweighed that.
-We give relatively equal efforts, reciprocation and initiation, instead of expecting the other to do most of that there.
-We can sense things in each other and react appropriately, from having giving enough attention to the other there for extended period of time.
-We mean what we say to the other instead of telling them what they want to hear.
-We are not embarrassed of each other in other people's presence--but proud.
-We feel less lonely, stronger or wiser from, or motivated or positive with the communications.
And there are a few online who I think could satisfy much of the above, as already I see several points satisfied there so far, so I appreciate their friendliness and efforts too. Thanks!
--
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I have a small group of friends. Right now I an using the forms from a friend to build a canoe. In whitewater paddling, I have trusted them with my life. Even when I was in jail accused of assaulting a TSA agent (I recited the fourth amendment to him) they came and bailed me out. We have each others backs.
When I was being bullied, I found out who my friends really were.
Not teachers, not parents, but some very good friends who stepped up to the plate and supported me, didn't believe the lies told by the bully, tried their best to help me, and in the end helped to get the bullying stopped for good. Says a lot for kids who were 10/11/12 years old as well.
Not teachers, not parents, but some very good friends who stepped up to the plate and supported me, didn't believe the lies told by the bully, tried their best to help me, and in the end helped to get the bullying stopped for good. Says a lot for kids who were 10/11/12 years old as well.
Ya think?
One local friend helped me move and did a ton of the heavy lifting for me a couple of years ago. He let me pay him back by taking him out to an upscale restaurant a couple of months later.
I would take a bullet for him over that.
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