Hi. I sometimes have a hard time when it comes to trusting people (due to difficulties with understanding social and not being able to read intentions of people). Unfortunately, this has lead to people taking advantage of me. Does anyone have any suggestions on this?
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Trust
- Thread starter PlaysVideoGames
- Start date
Wish I had a dollar for the times I posted this answer to such a question: "X-Files, baby! Trust no one."
Always amused to generate laughs, especially when I was actually being stone-cold serious.
Not a great way to exist, but in this world being fundamentally trustful of others is risky business. But then unlike Anne Frank, I truly believe that too many people on this plane of existence are not really good at heart.
Always amused to generate laughs, especially when I was actually being stone-cold serious.
Not a great way to exist, but in this world being fundamentally trustful of others is risky business. But then unlike Anne Frank, I truly believe that too many people on this plane of existence are not really good at heart.
Greetings! I am much like you. I tend to assume the best in people and "náive" would accurately describe me. However, there are some ways to lessen the negative effect this has on you without becoming completely cynical (something I find doesn't lead you any closer to the truth).
1. Be pragmatic. If you don't have the time or ability to help people, then that's quite simply how it is. It can be tough, but if you don't set a limit and will do everything people ask of you, there won't be time to spend on those you really care about, whether yourself or strangers who don't use you.
2. Pause. I know it can be difficult, but try to train yourself so that your first response upon a request isn't "okay" or "yes", but rather "I'll think about it" or "I'll see". This pause gives you time to think about whether this is something you really want to do or whether it will seriously drain you or remove valuable time or money.
3. Be observant. I know this is perhaps the root of the problem, so might not be so easy, but still, as you are waiting, think about how the person is behaving. Is s/he overly friendly? Reassuring about something which should be mundane? Aggressive? Putting you on the spot? Those are warning signals, and it would be useful to take note and avoid agreeing to anything in haste.
2. Pause. I know it can be difficult, but try to train yourself so that your first response upon a request isn't "okay" or "yes", but rather "I'll think about it" or "I'll see". This pause gives you time to think about whether this is something you really want to do or whether it will seriously drain you or remove valuable time or money.
3. Be observant. I know this is perhaps the root of the problem, so might not be so easy, but still, as you are waiting, think about how the person is behaving. Is s/he overly friendly? Reassuring about something which should be mundane? Aggressive? Putting you on the spot? Those are warning signals, and it would be useful to take note and avoid agreeing to anything in haste.
Lastly, as I mentioned, I am much like you in this regard so I understand that sometimes you can't help yourself. This is just how you are wired, so please don't be too hard on yourself if you make mistakes. Perhaps you could have had better judgement, but at least you had good intentions, and it was the other person who took advantage of that. Personally, I see it as an asset to be able to trust someone and want to assist, despite the trouble it sometimes brings.
I wish you the best.
I have the same trouble. I can very easily be led in to making unwise decisions by some people and it took me a long time to learn how to better protect myself from them.
And just as @Stuttermabolur says, it's hard sometimes to not be a little bit too cynical. I took that on as a challenge, the same with bullies too, I refuse to let them change me in to someone I do not want to be.
"If you lend someone $50 and you never see that person again then it is $50 well spent!"
My brother was a con man when he was younger, and a very good one. I learnt a lot from him and I have very little trouble getting what I want in life, yet I'm still a sucker from time to time too.
And just as @Stuttermabolur says, it's hard sometimes to not be a little bit too cynical. I took that on as a challenge, the same with bullies too, I refuse to let them change me in to someone I do not want to be.
"If you lend someone $50 and you never see that person again then it is $50 well spent!"
My brother was a con man when he was younger, and a very good one. I learnt a lot from him and I have very little trouble getting what I want in life, yet I'm still a sucker from time to time too.
I'm surrounded every day by complete strangers attempting to steal from me. All one has to do is to examine my phone carrier's call log, to look at 99% of them as total strangers initiating unsolicited calls to take advantage of me as a senior citizen.
For me it's easy not to really trust anyone. Been stabbed in the back too many times earlier in life.
It may be a sad state of affairs for me, but it's one I will not apologize for.
For me it's easy not to really trust anyone. Been stabbed in the back too many times earlier in life.
It may be a sad state of affairs for me, but it's one I will not apologize for.
I used to trust too easily. Later it was Trust but Verify.
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