Trying to be less aspie

[apm101]

I am on the waiting list for diagnosis, but test scores (AQ and RAAD-R) suggest I am on the spectrum. Only came to realise I might be in 2018, after my son was diagnosed.

I have a specific problem- I am really bad at empathy and seeing other people's points of view and problems. This has come to a head with my wife, who sees it as not caring for her, and not supporting her when she needs it. I try, but it is so against my natural way to be (very inward looking, focussing on my stuff) that I find it really hard.

Anyone got any tips for making this better?

Thanks!

Alex.

 

[menander]

I am on the waiting list for diagnosis, but test scores (AQ and RAAD-R) suggest I am on the spectrum. Only came to realise I might be in 2018, after my son was diagnosed.

I have a specific problem- I am really bad at empathy and seeing other people's points of view and problems. This has come to a head with my wife, who sees it as not caring for her, and not supporting her when she needs it. I try, but it is so against my natural way to be (very inward looking, focussing on my stuff) that I find it really hard.

Anyone got any tips for making this better?

Thanks!

Alex.

I always try to use data. If I am confused, I will research. The trouble with relationships is that data can sometimes not count! SUch as women like XYZ, but YOUR woman may not! Even if you ask, she may be polite as say, "No, that's ok!" as all of us do to keep the peace, not just women.

I would stil try to get data. THat is all I would know....and love. Tell her you love her as much as you can. That never gets old if people know it is true.

 

[Shamar]

I am on the waiting list for diagnosis, but test scores (AQ and RAAD-R) suggest I am on the spectrum. Only came to realise I might be in 2018, after my son was diagnosed.

I have a specific problem- I am really bad at empathy and seeing other people's points of view and problems. This has come to a head with my wife, who sees it as not caring for her, and not supporting her when she needs it. I try, but it is so against my natural way to be (very inward looking, focussing on my stuff) that I find it really hard.

Anyone got any tips for making this better?

Thanks!

Alex.

We have a word for trying to be less autistic - MASKING. It is strenuous and usually doesn't work well, and there are lots of threads here on the subject. What you describe certainly sounds autistic or aspie (or at least similar to my flavor of autism). I have no words of advice to offer on your situation, because I have the same problem with my wife, and have yet to find a solution.

You mat also want to check out alexithymia. In simple terms, it is a disconnect between feelings and thoughts, and is frequently comorbid with autism. Good luck with figuring it all out.

 

[Mia]

I have a specific problem- I am really bad at empathy and seeing other people's points of view and problems. This has come to a head with my wife, who sees it as not caring for her, and not supporting her when she needs it. I try, but it is so against my natural way to be (very inward looking, focussing on my stuff) that I find it really hard.

There's a book, called: "The Journal of Best Practises" by David Finch. That might be what your looking for.

 

[Giraffes]

Good luck with finding straties to show your feeling love and concerns to those you do, you will find loads of links to 'faking it' as i like to call masking i do this with varied degrees of success and at a cost of anxiety and being wiped out when my 'preformance' is finished, important i feel to have part of your day and a space to 'be yourself' and 'take the mask' off, good luck.

 

[zurb]

Get a copy of The 5 Love Languages.

 

[Aspychata]

Ask her directly what she needs from you. If you bath it in * l like seeing you happy* what are things you like me to say or do re: us? This also the time to tell her about what you like the most about her interactions with you. Then you aren't guessing, your not reading books, you are going to the primary source (your wife). It's like a car tuneup. You don't take your car to the garage everyday but sporadically because that's how we keep our engines purring.

 

[Thinx]

[QUOTE="Aspychata, post: 693196, member: 21794" It's like a car tuneup. You don't take your car to the garage everyday but sporadically because that's how we keep our engines purring.[/QUOTE]

I get the first bit, but how does the sporadic car servicing link to it? And surely the engine that continuously purrs will run out of fuel? Or indeed may be a cat that has been mistaken for an engine? Oooooeeeeoooo.

 

[Aspychata]

[QUOTE="Aspychata, post: 693196, member: 21794" It's like a car tuneup. You don't take your car to the garage everyday but sporadically because that's how we keep our engines purring.

I get the first bit, but how does the sporadic car servicing link to it? And surely the engine that continuously purrs will run out of fuel? Or indeed may be a cat that has been mistaken for an engine? Oooooeeeeoooo.[/QUOTE]

For starters- no cats were harmed or injured in this example.

My English teacher always said write for your readers. So if there are car buff readers they will get it. And the engine purring might be a jab at female body parts. Like keep your car and all it's parts happy. Then maybe the car hums- of course l am just killing this completely. Lol My new obsession is comparing and squeezing out different ways to say things that open up our hoods (car hoods- not skidrow hood). (Or our enlighten thinking facilities).

 

[Fino]

My name is also Alex!

 

[Aspychata]

My name is also Alex!

Hey Alex☺☺☺☺☺
Hey to the other Alex too...

 

[WoodWorkingJoel]

Ask her what she wants and then provide it then repeat.