Trying to figure it all out

[nosouvenirs]

Hi there... my name is Carolyn, and I'm 27 and live in eastern Canada. Ever since I first heard about Asperger's (perhaps in my late teens) I have wondered, off and on, whether I did or did not possibly have Asperger's. As the years have passed since then, and I found myself better able to socialize with people and be in the world, I concluded that I was not an Aspie in any way. However, in maybe the last year or so (my memory's been poor the last few years because of other illness), I am more and more certain that maybe I have some traits of Asperger's without actually being an Aspie. I've been told by my lovely friend IbiPatria (hi!! :love that it's possible to have traits without actually being Aspie, and she recommended this forum to me, so here I am. Basically I'm trying to figure out if my suspicions are correct, and if so, how many traits I have, exactly... and if I am some kind of very high-functioning Asperger's, or if I just have traits.

Whatever it may be, though, I'm glad to be here, and I hope to add to the community as well as do my own explorations.

 

[IbiPatria]

Hi luv! Welcome to the forum!!

 

[MoCoffee]

Hi Carloline, have you done any of the online Asperger's tests? It may help you to see what areas you struggle with, and then see how some of us deal with those issues. You don't have to be an Aspie to be here, and I'm glad you came.

 

[nosouvenirs]

I have just taken it, actually, and these were my results:

Your Aspie score: 106 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 101 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

I can't say this very highly surprises me. And the reason I didn't do this at first was because I didn't know the link (lovely Maria found it for me). I remember, as does Maria, that I took this test quite awhile back and scored significantly lower on the Aspie part then than I have now. But a lot of my lesser-looked-at psychological issues are coming to light that have to do with people, socializing, etc... so it's hard to know how much of this is because of other psychological disorders and how much may actually, truly be Aspie.

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome

Just so that you're aware, it's believed that a person can grow out of their typical Aspie behaviours, if they work hard to do so. Aspergers affects people more so as children, and as we grow older, we are able to equip ourselves with the means to adjust to a NT world. Perhaps it would be more beneficial determining whether you used to display common behaviours, when self diagnosing; just to help you better understand.

 

[nosouvenirs]

I can say with certainty that my social skills as a child (or more so as a teenager) were particularly lacking: I didn't know how to engage with people my own age such that I would be an "acceptable" person. I was always considered "weird" and "nerdy" and things like that. I read a lot, I actually enjoyed school, and I wasn't interested in the things most girls my age were supposed to be (hair, makeup, dating, clothes, celebrities, all that schlock). I was a very bright, people-pleasing, shy child, but since birth I have always been both anxious and emotionally intense. I can't remember too many things before about grade 6 with much specificity, so I can't say with any confidence whether I displayed any Aspie behaviors back then, except that I know I was not delayed in speech, my IQ in 4th grade was "somewhere between 120 and 140" (the enrichment instructor told us that's where almost all of the people who came there scored), and supposedly I was able to interact in a normal fashion with other people. But I remember having conflicts with friends (serious ones) as early as 3rd grade, and by 5th grade I was being ridiculed and teased for not being like the other girls, not dressing "right", my huge glasses, being nerdy, being strange, blah blah blah. I could never stand up to them, and I also could never figure out why they called me all these things and made fun of me, because I never thought there was anything wrong with me or how I looked, dressed, etc until they started pointing it out.

 

[Vanilla]

I can say with certainty that my social skills as a child (or more so as a teenager) were particularly lacking: I didn't know how to engage with people my own age such that I would be an "acceptable" person. I was always considered "weird" and "nerdy" and things like that. I read a lot, I actually enjoyed school, and I wasn't interested in the things most girls my age were supposed to be (hair, makeup, dating, clothes, celebrities, all that schlock). I was a very bright, people-pleasing, shy child, but since birth I have always been both anxious and emotionally intense. I can't remember too many things before about grade 6 with much specificity, so I can't say with any confidence whether I displayed any Aspie behaviors back then, except that I know I was not delayed in speech, my IQ in 4th grade was "somewhere between 120 and 140" (the enrichment instructor told us that's where almost all of the people who came there scored), and supposedly I was able to interact in a normal fashion with other people. But I remember having conflicts with friends (serious ones) as early as 3rd grade, and by 5th grade I was being ridiculed and teased for not being like the other girls, not dressing "right", my huge glasses, being nerdy, being strange, blah blah blah. I could never stand up to them, and I also could never figure out why they called me all these things and made fun of me, because I never thought there was anything wrong with me or how I looked, dressed, etc until they started pointing it out.

Sounds a fair bit like my childhood, I'd say you may have your answer. Perhaps read a few posts from others on here; maybe some of them will jog your memory. I know they reminded me of how I used to be as a kid.

 

[Ereth]

Hiya, Carolyn! I hope you can find some of the answers you are looking for, and maybe a few new friends, too.

 

[Rex]

It's just a label. You may or may not be.