Trying to have a relationship with someone who might be on the spectrum

[SortaNT]

A couple of months ago I said to a long-time friend that I would like to be more intimate. He said he was interested and that we should take things slowly. As a demisexual (friends first) I agreed. I think he's on the spectrum because he doesn't make eye contact, spends almost all his time on Facebook when he' s with me, doesn't like to be touched, and hardly ever calls or texts me. On the oth hand, he is very happy to see me and has told his friends he is seeing me. I am not interested in sex but would like to hug, kiss an cuddle sometimes. I hesitate to bring this up for fear of scaring him off. What to do?

 

[Bolletje]

You can't expect him to magically read your mind, so you're going to have to speak up and tell him you'd like to cuddle.

 

[Nitro]

 

[LogicalMind]

Tell him, you really want to cuddle, without sex, while maybe watching tv or something. We are often so nerdy, that we don't see hints...sometimes we need to actually be directly asked lol. I dont think asking him will scare him.

 

[Benjamin Dover]

Would you be upset if he then outsourced his sexual needs to a third party?

 

[Judge]

A couple of months ago I said to a long-time friend that I would like to be more intimate. He said he was interested and that we should take things slowly. As a demisexual (friends first) I agreed. I think he's on the spectrum because he doesn't make eye contact, spends almost all his time on Facebook when he' s with me, doesn't like to be touched, and hardly ever calls or texts me. On the oth hand, he is very happy to see me and has told his friends he is seeing me. I am not interested in sex but would like to hug, kiss an cuddle sometimes. I hesitate to bring this up for fear of scaring him off. What to do?

That's quite a narrow emotional expectation you have. Which makes me wonder that it might be helpful to determine what he would want out of such an arrangement apart from yourself. Best to be direct about it.

I know that if someone told me they wanted to be "intimate" with me but without sex altogether I wouldn't walk away from them. I'd run. Too much confusion for me emotionally speaking.

Perhaps refraining from saying or implying much of anything and just remaining friends might be your best alternative as opposing to risking it all over just some cuddling. Be friends, but without benefits. Not all of us have the same difficulty with sex as we may with socialization in general. Best not to assume anything to the contrary.

 

[Tom]

Hi & Welcome