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I have four siblings who are all married, have their own families, are liked by people in general, and are living their dreams.
Why would you need to speak to me privately for that?
I have strained relationships with my own parents. Instead of constructive criticism, they screamed at me and even harmed me physically.
Same here. I can't get a coffee date because there are literally no single woman anywhere the places I go. What an embarrassment it would be even if I asked a woman for a coffee which would be a huge step for me as I would be terrified just to find out she has a boyfriend or a husband.
Trust me. For every man that feels this way there is a woman who is still searching for bait. To stay in the analogy. It might be very easy to say as I`m married and have kids. But there are places to meet women that are also still looking for a partner. If it feels like everyone has already found a partner why not go to a place you know that is far less likely to happen. I don't know if they have them near the places you live but sometimes things like speeddating could be a thing. I know Tony does not like online dating. So why not go oldschool and try to get a date via a matchmaker. It basically works the same as online dating but you know the other person truly exist since she also had an intake. Usually matchmakers are very good at their jobs and you end up on a date with someone you are very likely to have things in common with. It might not be your favorite way of going about it. But from what I have seen on these forums both of you are very much afraid to miss the train and are very frustrated you have not found love yet. So it might be time to look towards other ways of finding someone if that is something you truly want to do.
My parents actually did not want me to ever have a girlfriend or a wife and discouraged me from having children. They just wanted me to be a mindless robot.
. . . . want their best selves to have? I have yet to see their best selves. I've seen resentment, I've seen negative bias, I've seen whining. What I have not seen are people confident in who they are, living independent lives, able to express an enjoyment of life.
I`m not claiming they are their best selves yet. Maybe they are, but I refuse to believe that. Your best self is something to work towards. Honostly I have seen the exact same things you have. This does not mean we can still try to help them with advise. Maybe if they discover they too can land a potential partner it will make it easier for them fot reach the goals you mentioned. A partner will not cause those things to happen. But it can make it easier to become confident, and feeling joy. My partner certainly helped me make me my best self.
I relate to your idea that an accepting partner will help them grow, but they need to be minimally competent to get somebody to stick around to understand their positives. Part of that is being able to reflect a positive enjoyment of life and I do not see that at all. Instead, @Markness channels being a wind sock, subject to what he thinks others believe about him, rather than being internally driven.
