Unable to plan for the future

[Suzette]

All my life I have been unable to imagine myself beyond the immediate future so that I could plan effectively.

I can imagine maybe 6 months to a year ahead. No more.

For example, I can forsee the need to pay the rent but not imagine myself in the future. Asking me "Where do you see yourself in 5 years" is as meaningful as contemplating fashion advice for the man on the moon.

I could never imagine having a career as I couldn't imagine myself in the future. And I failed to plan for retirement because I couldn't imagine it. I also made poor choices, like smoking, because I couldn't forsee that the known consequences would apply to me.

Now that I am more experienced in life, I can plan a lot of things even if I can't see myself in the future because I know the future is coming anyway. But I still can't actually forsee how the future might play out.
In fact, I only became aware of this "problem" recently.

Is this related to a.s.d.? Or is just a missed point of maturity or, perhaps, trauma related?

I don't recall where I learned that this might not be normal behavior.

 

[Judge]

Is this related to a.s.d.? Or is just a missed point of maturity or, perhaps, trauma related?

I don't recall where I learned that this might not be normal behavior.

None of the above, IMO.

If anything, I'd categorize this within the realm of executive functioning. Something that transcends the neurological spectrum, and isn't all that common among people regardless of age, intellect or accomplishments.

I consider my own executive functioning quite high having been paid to make routine financial decisions with my employer's money. Where any mistake could prove quite costly to them, and to myself. However in this particular context, about the only example I can provide would be that in my late 20s I bought into the 401k plan my employer offered. Though I only contributed 3% of my paycheck, with the corporation contributing the same amount. Something that not every employee immediately embraced. Particularly those on a lower end of the pay scale.

Beyond that, I never gave it a thought until decades later I realized that this money was very real, because I was now at an age that allowed me to withdraw it without any penalties other than earned income taxes. Though during this long duration I also never really expected to live into my 60s. What a shock that was!

Otherwise I spent most of my executive functioning focused on my job and not my own life. Except for a ten-year stint where I managed my own personal investments. But even then I never considered what was invested as being real income. Only when I cashed it out could I do that. Yet I never thought of it in terms of retirement or whatever my future existence might be. Besides, a more "mature" mind might conclude that life is best emotionally and mentally accepted on a day--to-day basis than looking over what amounts to a precarious and unpredictable horizon. Where tomorrow may potentially never come.

The only people I ever met who were dead $erious about preparing for the future worked either as insurance brokers, fund managers or estate lawyers. Those wanting to cash in on whatever worries one may have over a distant future.

The closer one gets to their 60s, it would seem predictable that at some point they begin to think about such things, whether they have made any preparations of not. I wouldn't be too quick to seek a label that might explain it. Though I freely admit, as time passed so regularly, I completely forgot I was due a pension, and ended up collecting on it a few months late. When I suddenly had one of those "V-8" moments. My bad. It happens!

 

[watersprite]

Suzette I had plans for what I will just describe as future goals, but things went to h—- in a handbasket & I found I should’ve had a plan B, & a plan C.

 

[PinkPhilodendron]

All my life I have been unable to imagine myself beyond the immediate future so that I could plan effectively.

I can imagine maybe 6 months to a year ahead. No more.

For example, I can forsee the need to pay the rent but not imagine myself in the future. Asking me "Where do you see yourself in 5 years" is as meaningful as contemplating fashion advice for the man on the moon.

I could never imagine having a career as I couldn't imagine myself in the future. And I failed to plan for retirement because I couldn't imagine it. I also made poor choices, like smoking, because I couldn't forsee that the known consequences would apply to me.

Now that I am more experienced in life, I can plan a lot of things even if I can't see myself in the future because I know the future is coming anyway. But I still can't actually forsee how the future might play out.
In fact, I only became aware of this "problem" recently.

Is this related to a.s.d.? Or is just a missed point of maturity or, perhaps, trauma related?

I don't recall where I learned that this might not be normal behavior.

I realised the same things recently. And I do not feel like others have the same issues...they plan and they have goals and dreams and they have the plan to achieve those goals and dreams. And they expect it to work out.

What I believe is wrong with me is that I never dared to plan or to expect that my dreams might come true as I don't know if I could cope with things I was looking forward so much not working out...

So it feels like I do not have a future. Just the present.

It might also originate from my mother not wanting me to let go and be independent. She always wants to get involved in my life and gives me her unwanted opinion on everything in my life so the choices I make don't feel like my own and that maybe takes away every motovation to live my life and to plan...because I had never the chance to train to take my future in my own hands as she did always butt in and force her direction onto me.....

I am sorry if that came out more depressed than I planned...

 

[Sarah S]

I have lived on the possible future since i was a we girl. If it wasn't for the possible future i would most likely be gone already as i wouldn't have anything worth sticking around for.

The moment you lose youre hope and dreams for the possible future that's when youre in DEEP trouble I'd say.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I am of the mind, most people have this difficulty,...likely due to a lack of life goals. The question often posed, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" is a bit of a loaded question if you don't have some goal in mind,...that's the point. If you don't have a goal,...you don't have a path,...and therefore you have no way of envisioning such a thing.

Example, right now I am at the age where I am planning how and when I will retire, sell my house, purchase some property and build a self-sustainable home for my wife to live and die in. With that comes, how much money is that going to cost,...up front, and down the road,...and how am I going to pay for it? How much do I have to sacrifice now in terms of pulling money from my paycheck into my retirement accounts? Reality, I have been on this path for at least the past 5 years, with another 7 to go. As such, I can see the road ahead with some relative clarity.

It could be anything. If you are overweight, can you imagine yourself in the future 50lbs lighter? How does that happen? What do you have to do? How long is it going to take? You have to have a goal and a plan,...a path,...then you can see your future self.

A game of chess. You have a goal, you know the moves, but the winner is typically the one who knows the game and has a plan,...the one who is on the attack,...and not the one reacting and playing from a defensive position.

If you are just muddling through life, one moment at a time without some purpose or goals,...then I don't see how anyone can see their future being anything but what it is now.

 

[Gracey]

I believe I've been there and back again.
I haven't time travelled though

I got in to a bit of a pickle with OCD, perfectionism & catastrophising at one point.
I could have accurately predicted what my future held during that time.
(Compelled to make it so. Planning, preparation, unwavering routine)

Having aspired to find a new perspective I currently believe there is only now.
(from one extreme to the other )

Mr Gracey is the one in our team to look at the bigger picture and plan for our future.

That said, I did invest the time, energy and much research into our children in an attempt to try to forsee any potential hurdles they may have to overcome growing from toddlers into responsible young fledglings flying the nest and fitting in/contributing to society.
It was a long term project and involved thinking about THEIR future, not mine.

Sitting here, right now, I wouldn't be able to describe what next week might involve for me or whether or not there's a birthday coming up I should probably remember to celebrate.
I set a reminder to 'ping' on my phone to help me with that.
(If I remember to programme the event, appointment, meeting etc in )

 

[Suzette]

I am of the mind, most people have this difficulty,...likely due to a lack of life goals. The question often posed, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" is a bit of a loaded question if you don't have some goal in mind,...that's the point. If you don't have a goal,...you don't have a path,...and therefore you have no way of envisioning such a thing.

Example, right now I am at the age where I am planning how and when I will retire, sell my house, purchase some property and build a self-sustainable home for my wife to live and die in. With that comes, how much money is that going to cost,...up front, and down the road,...and how am I going to pay for it? How much do I have to sacrifice now in terms of pulling money from my paycheck into my retirement accounts? Reality, I have been on this path for at least the past 5 years, with another 7 to go. As such, I can see the road ahead with some relative clarity.

It could be anything. If you are overweight, can you imagine yourself in the future 50lbs lighter? How does that happen? What do you have to do? How long is it going to take? You have to have a goal and a plan,...a path,...then you can see your future self.

A game of chess. You have a goal, you know the moves, but the winner is typically the one who knows the game and has a plan,...the one who is on the attack,...and not the one reacting and playing from a defensive position.

If you are just muddling through life, one moment at a time without some purpose or goals,...then I don't see how anyone can see their future being anything but what it is now.

What I mean is this:

I can picture month to month to lead to a year. Thus, losing weight, saving money, meeting a short term goal is not a problem.

You say "If you are just muddling through life, one moment at a time without some purpose or goals,...then I don't see how anyone can see their future being anything but what it is now." But I don't know how to NOT muddle through life. What purpose? What goals? How does one acquire them?

In order to have purpose and goals, I would think one would need a sense of future? A sense of being able to see oneself in a role, in the future. I can't do that.

It's all academic now. I've learned to live as I am. Including not always being able to convey my thoughts.

 

[Au Naturel]

All my life I have been unable to imagine myself beyond the immediate future so that I could plan effectively.

I can imagine maybe 6 months to a year ahead. No more.

For example, I can forsee the need to pay the rent but not imagine myself in the future. Asking me "Where do you see yourself in 5 years" is as meaningful as contemplating fashion advice for the man on the moon.

I could never imagine having a career as I couldn't imagine myself in the future. And I failed to plan for retirement because I couldn't imagine it. I also made poor choices, like smoking, because I couldn't forsee that the known consequences would apply to me.

Now that I am more experienced in life, I can plan a lot of things even if I can't see myself in the future because I know the future is coming anyway. But I still can't actually forsee how the future might play out.
In fact, I only became aware of this "problem" recently.

Is this related to a.s.d.? Or is just a missed point of maturity or, perhaps, trauma related?

I don't recall where I learned that this might not be normal behavior.

Incredibly normal behavior. LOL! Imagine all the people who smoke but don't stop because it isn't hurting them right now. Not saving for retirement is a national pastime. People take on crushing debt because they want the latest and best gadgets/cars/living spaces and don't see how it will cripple their freedom of action in the future. Or ruin their credit score the instant they hit a financial bump in the road. The world is all about instant gratification. If you can think six months ahead, you're doing better than many.

 

[Suzette]

I have really not explained myself well. I appreciate everyones comments but somehow I am not abke to express the salient point.

 

[SimonSays]

You say "If you are just muddling through life, one moment at a time without some purpose or goals,...then I don't see how anyone can see their future being anything but what it is now." But I don't know how to NOT muddle through life. What purpose? What goals? How does one acquire them?

In order to have purpose and goals, I would think one would need a sense of future? A sense of being able to see oneself in a role, in the future. I can't do that.

I think I know what you mean.

It's not muddling through life, it's being present, in this moment, which is all there is.

So while there is a practical future... the need to catch a train or visit the gym or finish that project off that needs completing, etc. All that really matters is what you're doing right now. If something doesn't happen perhaps it doesn't really need to.

I agree that in order to have goals one has to have some idea what the future will look like. And yet some of us don't have those goals. Being my authentic self in this moment is the best I can do. I tend to move towards that which I prefer and away from that which I don't, but who I am now is very different from who I was, and who I was could not have imagined who I would be.

Perhaps life is easier with goals and dreams, and the drive to keep following them no matter what. I think I've experienced moments of that from time to time, but only in so much as I can take action on them right now and see the changes take place soon after. Not five years in the future. For me there is no future like that.

 

[PinkPhilodendron]

I have really not explained myself well. I appreciate everyones comments but somehow I am not abke to express the salient point.

I think you did explain yourself well. You do not have a purpose. You do not have a long time goal. And you do not know where missing these things comes from. Is that correct?

 

[Sarah S]

I have really not explained myself well. I appreciate everyone's comments but somehow I am not abke to express the salient point.

I understand perfectly what you mean Suzette hence i replied as i did.

Not all is able to think ahead to far in the future (incl those not having any diagnosis) they need to concentrate on the here and now or as in youre case the next 6 month and that's fine Suzette perhaps it's just that youre now happy with how youre life is and as such you have no need to look or plan for the future & that's great.

I wish i could say the same about my life from being born and up but in my case that's not the case so i have had to find resons for me to keep fighting towards my goals and dreams as that's what gives me the inner strength to keep fighting against in many cases impossible odds & never ending emotional and otherwise oller coaster of never ending problems or other hurdles in life that i have to deal with.

 

[PinkPhilodendron]

All that really matters is what you're doing right now. If something doesn't happen perhaps it doesn't really need to.

That's how I feel, too. Go with the flow and things will turn out all right. Don't force life. Enjoy the buffet.

I tend to move towards that which I prefer and away from that which I don't, but who I am now is very different from who I was, and who I was could not have imagined who I would be.

This ist auch a beautiful thought. Once I read it I knew that's also how I feel. Thank you : ).
Kind of makes life quite supprising now that I think about it.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

What purpose? What goals? How does one acquire them?

In order to have purpose and goals, I would think one would need a sense of future? A sense of being able to see oneself in a role, in the future. I can't do that.

You've never looked at something in your life and said to yourself or others that you were, in some way, unsatisfied? You've never had a desire for a "dream home" or a travel destination or some other personal goal? It's these longer term, larger goals that can be a stimulus.

Purpose,...that could be something like a career that is satisfying to you.
For me, it's helping infants and children,...ultimately, to reduce pain and suffering for them, and their parents. I had a brother die in infancy due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome,...I was 2,...I remember it like yesterday,...and my parents literally never got over it. If I can do my part to reduce that likelihood for some other family,...that's my purpose.

Purpose could also be that future goal, whatever that is. What is it that gives you that drive and motivation?

Now,...if you are happy and satisfied with your situation,...no need for these goals. To you,...all is well. No need to have these dreams of some other better future. I am not one of those people,...I have to have goals and a purpose,...often several at the same time.

 

[SimonSays]

I've known what I think I want to happen next. There seems to be a sense of clarity and I go with it.

It could be to do with a person, a place, even what I'm going to eat. Short-term, simple. Experiencing it now, without knowing what the future will be, and then letting go.

Buddhist philosophy talks about desire being the cause of suffering. Why should this be true? And yet it is my experience that it is true. Perhaps this is why I struggle with goals, because having a goal implies a desire for that goal to be realised. If I decide I know what the future ought to look like, what should be in it, where I should be, who should be with me, etc, then somehow I set in motion the need for the circumstances of my life to fall into place in such a way so that it can become true.

The thing is, I change my mind about what I think I want, to the point where wanting something can create a level of complexity that causes a kind of resistance to build, and eventually suffering. It's like I'm not supposed to decide these things like that. I'm supposed to accept things as they are. To trust the flow of life.

And less of me seems to reveal more of me. Without all those wants and expectations interfering, I seem to know myself better, and knowing myself is what matters to me.

I also experience myself differently around other people when doing other things, and sometimes I like how that feels, and other times it makes things more difficult. But there is a core me that has the ability to express itself authentically in any situation, and that core me has no goals. No desires. It just is. And when I feel that is-ness. I am. And that's all I need to be.

I can't talk about purpose as I've never been able to hold on to that concept for long. I can't talk about career as I've never had one. I can see how satisfying having a purpose, which is also your career, would be. The intermingling of life and work, in a satisfying way, making a difference, helping others, I get it.

I've experienced helping others. I know what it means to make a difference. But I can't keep helping others, nor can I keep making a difference. If I become too involved in any particular path, at some point I will have to change direction, extricate myself, because I will have acquired or learned all that I can from it. I must expand further and it seems that only unexpected things are able to provide that. Unexpected things happen unexpectedly, which I would interfere with if there were goals and desires constantly at play.

I don't know if I'm explaining it well, and it may be that only those who feel this way will understand it. To those who have a purpose and a career it probably sounds alien. I understand why it might.

 

[Gracey]

@Suzette,
In your initial post you mention not imagining your career because you were unable to imagine your future self.

Would that be more aligned to the point your were trying to make?
Unable to imagine that far ahead?
To view yourself in a particular role in a specific vocation?

 

[Suzette]

You've never had a desire for a "dream home" or a travel destination or some other personal goal?

Maybe this will help: I am a visual thinker. I picture everything. My grocery list is a picture of eggs, a bottle of juice, a tomato. When I write my list I walk through the store and see where each item is located.

If I am going somewhere new, I look up pictures of the destination and I see myself there. If I can't see myself there I have tremendous anxiety and dread and I won't go. I can also just use my imagination to make up pictures about something I haven't experienced but only if I have a way to connect that imagined image to something in real life. My imagination must have some context.

So, when I was younger, I could not imagine what I wanted to do because I had no context for it.
I had no context for "retirement" or "disease". I especially had no context to imagine any of these things out of present time.

 

[Au Naturel]

What I mean is this:

I can picture month to month to lead to a year. Thus, losing weight, saving money, meeting a short term goal is not a problem.

You say "If you are just muddling through life, one moment at a time without some purpose or goals,...then I don't see how anyone can see their future being anything but what it is now." But I don't know how to NOT muddle through life. What purpose? What goals? How does one acquire them?

In order to have purpose and goals, I would think one would need a sense of future? A sense of being able to see oneself in a role, in the future. I can't do that.

It's all academic now. I've learned to live as I am. Including not always being able to convey my thoughts.

Purpose in life is something you have to create for yourself. It is entirely optional. I'm trying to imagine some naked paleolithic hunter gatherer thinking about their career progression and what tribal position they expected to have in five years and it just sounds laughable. Such concerns are learned and not a natural part of the human repertoire.

Why can't muddling thru life be one's purpose? Why do we need to envision a future? Why do we need to have long-term goals? Such things did not even exist until civilization evolved. Even with the advent of agriculture, our "planning" was pretty much determined by the seasons of the year. Today, muddling through is still the mode of life for the poor, the working class and much of the middle class.

If plans and objectives and future roles float someone's boat, that's fine too. I often find that those long-term goal-oriented people are the ones who make demands on me because if I behave a certain way, they will have a smoother way to their vision of the future. Because I am not like them, they judge. Judging others seems to be a very popular pastime in humans. I choose not to participate

Humans muddled thru life, did what they needed to survive, improved their life as best they could, took their pleasures and pains as they happened, and accepted that the future was largely unknowable. Once you accept it rather than trying to adhere to someone else's standards, life can be very pleasant. I'm finding that now that I'm retired, any notion of long-term planning is absurd. Want to make God laugh? Tell them your plans. Que sera, sera.

[/QUOTE]

 

[Suzette]

@Au Naturel,
Thank you that is a welcome perspective.

Earlier today I was joking with my husband that we are going to move to the Ozarks and I will take up noodling and become a champion noodler at the age of 86. For our international friends please watch the video below to understand the joke.