Unhealthy hightnened sense of responsibility - a curse or a blessing

[Arcturus]

I have had this issue since I remember myself. Parents kept nagging me to be RESPONSIBLE and CONSCIENTIOUS. Anything else didn't matter. Kill yourself but complete the task and fulfill your duty. It added up to my natural sense of responsibility and created some sort of a responsibility disorder. I feel responsible for anything and anyone I deal with, and that creates a ton of pressure and anxiety that I can barely handle mentally, emotionally, and physically. It comes through as excessive worrying, perfectionism, and a desire to control. Physical pain also.

Pressure points include:

- Homework. Total agony, even if I am good at it. Done two and a half degrees, and it never gets better. Anxiety before every class, not even mentioning the exams...Is that normal for an Aspie?

- Work tasks.
a) I turn into a controlling monster with myself and, what's worse, with others involved. I am very strict and wound up when responsible for a task. My friends say I became an angel after quitting my office job.
b) It takes A LOT OF effort to accept a task or a project not initiated solely by myself. If only responsible for myself, I can afford to screw up and fix things. If I have a collaborator or a manager, the sense of responsibility and pressure is overwhelming, and every screw-up (even small) is traumatic.

- Personal relationships. If I happen to spend time with someone, I assume total responsibility for their well-being. And if I have to say no or break up, I feel the guilt and responsibility forever. Even just simply saying "no, I am not interested in dating." I understand it's not my fault, but it doesn't stop the unpleasant tightening in the head, chest and stomach every time I think of it.

Now, how does on not torture oneself and live a peaceful life full of love? So far spiritual self-help books have been helping somewhat. However, their effect does not last forever.

Any similar cases? Does anyone have little exercises they can recommend? Feel free to rant! If that helps anyone relax.

 

[Judge]

Sounds more like you're describing "Type A" behavior rather than a trait related to ASD. Very bad for the heart.

A behavior which IMO, can be modified and tamed, in your own best interest. I used to be a Type A personality. Something which ultimately killed my father with his fourth heart attack.

However, having a heightened sense of responsibility did aid me in being a very good underwriter, successfully managing risks several million dollars of company assets and liabilities. Not a fair trade considering how damaging it can be to your health.

 

[Arcturus]

Sounds more like you're describing "Type A" behavior rather than a trait related to ASD. Very bad for the heart.

A behavior which IMO, can be modified and tamed, in your own best interest. I used to be a Type A personality. Something which ultimately killed my father with his fourth heart attack.

Yes, I know it is destructive... I don't want to be like that, so I changed my behaviour to not show it so that others don't suffer. How to not feel it - do you have a suggestion?

 

[Judge]

Yes, I know it is destructive... I don't want to be like that, so I changed my behaviour to not show it so that others don't suffer. How to not feel it - do you have a suggestion?

The most important thing isn't what others think, but rather how you yourself react. You have to work at it. To mentally change your priorities. It wasn't easy and took years to accomplish. First and foremost avoid any job that enables such behavior. Learn to take on less than you are capable of...and take time out to smell the roses.

In my case, going from insurance to web design certainly helped. Work equates to most of the equation when it comes to type a behavior.

 

[Arcturus]

Sounds more like you're describing "Type A" behavior rather than a trait related to ASD. Very bad for the heart.

A behavior which IMO, can be modified and tamed, in your own best interest. I used to be a Type A personality. Something which ultimately killed my father with his fourth heart attack.

However, having a heightened sense of responsibility did aid me in being a very good underwriter, successfully managing risks several million dollars of company assets and liabilities. Not a fair trade considering how damaging it can be to your health.

I read about type B and I fit the creativity, exploring ideas and being reflective parameters...In fact, having too many creative ideas makes me stressed too. Thank you for your advice, I value it and will keep working!

 

[Arcturus]

The most important thing isn't what others think, but rather how you yourself react. You have to work at it. To mentally change your priorities. It wasn't easy and took years to accomplish. First and foremost avoid any job that enables such behavior. Learn to take on less than you are capable of...and take time out to smell the roses.

In my case, going from insurance to web design certainly helped. Work equates to most of the equation when it comes to type a behavior.

I am on the right track, then! I went from the office into music. And self-employment is something I want to explore more than anything.

 

[Judge]

Even in retirement my type A father rigidly structured his remaining years.

He didn't stand a chance and died at 56.

 

[Judge]

I am on the right track, then! I went from the office into music. And self-employment is something I want to explore more than anything.

Self-employment isn't for everyone, but I think you'll find most Aspies here who are self-employed (as am I) think it's a fabulous fit for an Aspie in general. I have none of the social stresses one routinely encounters with having to be responsible to others in a chain of command.

 

[Arcturus]

Even in retirement my type A father rigidly structured his remaining years.

He didn't stand a chance and died at 56.

Definitely want to live longer...however, I am horrible at time management, that's the funny thing, and do my best when complete tasks at random times.

 

[Arcturus]

Self-employment isn't for everyone, but I think you'll find most Aspies here who are self-employed (as am I) think it's a fabulous fit for an Aspie in general. I have none of the social stresses one routinely encounters with having to be responsible to others in a chain of command.

That gives me peace, thank you!

 

[Judge]

Definitely want to live longer...however, I am horrible at time management, that's the funny thing, and do my best when complete tasks at random times.

Interesting. Usually type A's are excellent at time management. I actually used to teach it at the corporate level!

The important thing to understand is that type A behavior is a curse- not a blessing. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

 

[Arcturus]

Interesting. Usually type A's are excellent at time management. I actually used to teach it at the corporate level!

Yes, it quite confuses me. A lot of my personality traits are in conflict with each other.

 

[Judge]

Yes, it quite confuses me. A lot of my personality traits are in conflict with each other.

As an Aspie, that's how I relate to loneliness versus solitude. It can be very confusing at times. I hate to be lonely at times, but I MUST have my solitude as well.

 

[Arcturus]

As an Aspie, that's how I relate to loneliness versus solitude. It can be very confusing at times. I hate to be lonely at times, but I MUST have my solitude as well.

Oh, ABSOLUTELY. This one I am used to. I need many hours of solitude time a day. There was an interesting article in a university newspaper once called "Leave me alone, I am lonely". It was about introverts in general. Quite precise descriptions.