Redruby
New Member
At the end of last year, I wrote on this forum seeking love advices. I'll paste a quote of what was happening below.
I wanted to update especially to thank you for your support as well as after reading my posts, wanting to apologize to the readers and commentators- I hope I wasn't generalizing and had offended anyone on the forum.
Once 2016 chimed in, I shook my negative energy and heartbreak and decided to focus on me and what my needs are and that only I can change the outcome for my life. Once I returned from a depressing 3 weeks home visit where I was incapable of doing anything because I was so depressed I was like 2016, shake it off and returned to my home town. I swore not to contact him this year and that I personally had to channel new energy.
Once I got home, ofcourse he had texted me within 3 days of my return for sex and I didn't respond. He didn't even know I was gone and that it took him 3 weeks to reach out to see if he could get laid. I finally voiced my boundaries and since then he has been making an effort to see me as a person and not just a sexual object.
I'm happy to report after a lot of talks, that he has come around and is putting in an effort to let me get close to him. He voiced that aside from his best friend, I am one of the only other person he hangs out with (while he has other sex buddies). He is still questioning my intentions and personality traits since his ex had broken him in the past relationship - lots of yelling, suicide attempt threats etc and he doesn't want to waste time with women who acts nice in the beginning yet once they are official turn into a Psycho. He's voiced his boundaries and what he wants from a relationship which he really doesn't need to be in because he is content being in his own.
Anyways there's more to come and there are little issues to work on such as how much alone time he needs, also he mentioned that he's always been in open relationships so if we ever become official we'd have to sit down and talk about the rules and boundaries for that. Ugh.
He's so sweet, polite and kind hearted yet brutally honest (where he hurts my feelings sometimes because he has no problem pointing out the truth but sometimes NT people aren't used to that unless it's from someone like your closest friends saying things you cuz they care) and very logical. I think he's really worth my time and effort now that he's come around but again my heart is super protected because I never want to get depressed the way I was end of last year.
Just wanted to update and thank everyone that took time to read and reply when I was really down.
I wanted to update especially to thank you for your support as well as after reading my posts, wanting to apologize to the readers and commentators- I hope I wasn't generalizing and had offended anyone on the forum.
Once 2016 chimed in, I shook my negative energy and heartbreak and decided to focus on me and what my needs are and that only I can change the outcome for my life. Once I returned from a depressing 3 weeks home visit where I was incapable of doing anything because I was so depressed I was like 2016, shake it off and returned to my home town. I swore not to contact him this year and that I personally had to channel new energy.
Once I got home, ofcourse he had texted me within 3 days of my return for sex and I didn't respond. He didn't even know I was gone and that it took him 3 weeks to reach out to see if he could get laid. I finally voiced my boundaries and since then he has been making an effort to see me as a person and not just a sexual object.
I'm happy to report after a lot of talks, that he has come around and is putting in an effort to let me get close to him. He voiced that aside from his best friend, I am one of the only other person he hangs out with (while he has other sex buddies). He is still questioning my intentions and personality traits since his ex had broken him in the past relationship - lots of yelling, suicide attempt threats etc and he doesn't want to waste time with women who acts nice in the beginning yet once they are official turn into a Psycho. He's voiced his boundaries and what he wants from a relationship which he really doesn't need to be in because he is content being in his own.
Anyways there's more to come and there are little issues to work on such as how much alone time he needs, also he mentioned that he's always been in open relationships so if we ever become official we'd have to sit down and talk about the rules and boundaries for that. Ugh.
He's so sweet, polite and kind hearted yet brutally honest (where he hurts my feelings sometimes because he has no problem pointing out the truth but sometimes NT people aren't used to that unless it's from someone like your closest friends saying things you cuz they care) and very logical. I think he's really worth my time and effort now that he's come around but again my heart is super protected because I never want to get depressed the way I was end of last year.
Just wanted to update and thank everyone that took time to read and reply when I was really down.
I wanted to follow up with my on going thing with my Aspie.
I thank you all first for your responses to my original post, I wrote in when I was feeling the most sadest, and the following two weeks I basically went thru withdrawal from the love addiction I have for the guy. It was painful, but I questioned my personal issues (why I go for unavailable men) and each day picked up the pieces of my broken heart to bandage it so it can slowly get healed. I didn't reach out to him and promised myself a better future for myself in 2016.
Long story short from my last post- been seeing an Aspie for 6 months where he told me he doesn't want a gf, wants to see other girls, doesn't see me as a gf type so he'll never be my BF. I took me months to get that last part out of him because I kept hanging out with him hoping he will like me eventually.
With all the promises of I'll never contact him from my side and I need to let go, he reached out to me asking if I was home because he's walking by my house couple days ago. I ignored his call & text that day and the next day he texted me saying that he's sorry for bothering me.
He's never been mean to me, just his bluntness has been hurtful for me because it's not what I want to hear. I thought ignoring him would be rude so I texted back the day after saying I'm not strong enough and that my heart hurts too much to continue seeing him. We ended up talking on the phone (even though he quickly changes the subject when it becomes something emotional) where he told me he hasn't hung out with the girl who would of became his girlfriend for a while. That he would like to hang out with me, indirectly hinting that my heart shouldn't hurt that much because of that fact.
Now before I would of taken that as a "oh he likes me and wants to be with me", but from our previous talks about how he doesn't see me as someone he wants as a girlfriend, I know he is reaching out to me for sex.
What I don't understand is that he knows I have feelings for him, he knows I get upset over the fact that he never will want to be my boyfriend. I now told him I'm not strong enough for this type of thing. If he has the other girl who he can have sex with, who he even saw a potential in her to be his girlfriend, who is less emotional about their relationship (he said I'm too emotional), why is he reaching out to me? I tried talking about how it hurts me because I have feelings for him and he said "well that's not good, it's bad, I'm not heartless" in our previous talks so why is he reaching out to me again? My hopeless romantic mind makes me think "I think he likes me, and sees more in me now if he's pushing aside a girl that could of potentially been his girlfriend and chooses to reach out to me, because I might actually mean something to him ".
Anyways, I have feelings for him. If he doesn't reciprocate, I cant keep hanging out with him like last year pretending that everything is okay. For my sanity and self worth.
Tomorrow night he wants to hang out and is already talking about how it's going to be at his apartment because he wants to have sex I'm sure, but I personally would feel more comfortable meeting him at a bar or a diner so I can talk about where my head and heart is at, but he hates when I talk about my emotions (it makes him uncomfortable) so I don't know what to do. I'm actually uncomfortable not being able to lay down my boundaries for this relationship if you can even call it that.
Any advices will be appreciated. Any aspies point of view will be grateful - I just want an idea to why he keeps coming back to me when I tell him I have feelings for him and he tells me he thinks that's a bad idea, that I am just wasting my time. I know people might chime in saying its because I am enabling him by hooking up with him, that's why he keeps coming back, but really is it just because of that? Do you also think I'm repeating myself too much with the emotional conversation (that basically gets swept over quick or get a really blunt harsh reply of his pov) and be happy he wants to hang out with me? It's just hard to be happy and positive and "go with the flow" with someone that told me he never wants to be my boyfriend.
