Update on my therapist and I. Any idea about what she said?

[Tcx]

LINK to previous thread.
I had a breakdown then I texted my therapist's agency.
And then she replied me with these:

1. (my IRL name),let us start to learn something that others know-its not difficult-but you need to be patient. it may be much different from your own habit. for example, when replying to others, say something cheerful, with neutral attitude.
2. for example, "I also feel like this won't be easy to overcome." , "I believe in you, you can get through it."
3. we need social connection, just say thing that normal people would say. think about it and write it down.


The thing is, I am too oblivious to understand what she means to be-writing down what? I'm kind of isolated myself now. I don't have normal people around me besides my family. I tried to think about it and yet I don't even know what's its boundary. Which one is normal? which one isn't normal? That only leads to more confusion.
My next session is on Wednesday 10 am. I have hope on this session thanks to this website opening my eyes(literally). wish me good luck. Thanks for reading.

(below is my rant)
1. I want a detailed and constructive beginner's guide to social interaction that can be viewed and gained as step-by-step visible on point improvements

2. I want a non-bullying experience from school which I'm fairly self-aware now. I'm so dread of going to school/work because of the possibility of getting bullied even though I don't give a f about what others think of me

3. there were reasons that I got bullied. every single damned time. I can recall them now. Most of the stuff happens because of me doing something stupid(beyond comprehension). It's so painful to read what I wrote before. Full of oblivious attitude. Yet sometimes I need to agree on what I wrote before. I still don't get it. What's wrong with me. I don't deserve those bullying. I deserve better. I deserved help by my homeroom teachers. I just don't get it.

4. I'm freaking 25 yo now. And I don't accomplish anything. This is not fair. I don't get it. There must be something wrong with me. I've been on med for 2 years DAILY. And my brain still acts like a jerk to me. I sleep more than 12 hours a day. This is not normal. And I'm so afraid of going back to a "normal" life, a freaking commitment. I don't deserve being rotten into darkness. I'd rather die than living like this. Of course I won't commit suicide since I still have hope in July 28 entrance exam. But I always feel like I could do better. I should have known better. And I have no one else to blame. But me. The reality check is heavy. I have no control over my life. I want it so bad. I just wanna improve myself. Why is it so hard to do such? I don't want to be worthless anymore.

5. I'm too stubborn to give up. I won't give up. I will die the day I give up. I'm a gambler. If there's a chance I can win I will die for it. I need a chance. And help. I've had enough karma, it's my turn to shine. I don't want to die. But I'm dying. I'm literally dying. I want to cut tie with everything yet I'll be too lonely to be alive.

 

[Kevin1968]

Your therapist is basically telling you to learn how to "mask".

I can very much relate, it sounds like she is saying "it's not what you say, but the way you say it", something that has been said to me many times.

Masking takes a lot of work, think of it as acting as a character (and yes you need to learn lots of lines).

The main pro for masking is blending in with everyone else, the main con is the risk of burnout.

A certain amount of masking is probably essential (but I might be wrong about that), just don't let it burn you out.

 

[Fino]

I dislike your therapist.

 

[watersprite]

Could you organize your focus on fewer goals, for instance the entrance exams for now, the new social practice stuff in a month & a half?
If you’re very stressed on the social that might make exams harder to concentrate on? Just some thoights.

 

[Martha Ferris]

First get over the idea that life is fair. It is not. Second no one deserves to be bullied but people are assholes. Adopt the serenity prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Now work at becoming the person you want to be within your limitations. You can't change how you are made but you can change how you deal with it. Change what you can. Focus on what you can do and downplay what you can't. Find ways to work with who you are to get the life you want to lead.

You can't change how others act/react to you but you can modify yourself. Also in the workplace most organizations have an anti harrassment policy. Use it if you have to. The thing is that when you become the person you want to be then what others think of you doesn't matter. You are living your truth and all the crap of others opinions can flow off your back. You can say "yup, just another jerk." Their behavior is not so much a reflection on you as a reflection on them. Do you really want to be like them? Think about it. Decide what kind of person you want to be and work to become that person. Decide what your values are and what values you want to live by. There is far more to life than social interaction there is personal growth. Work toward goals for yourself that will make you proud of what you have accomplished.

When I was in my early twenties I went on a rant in a religious group I belonged to about not being able to be the real me. That I had to give up so much of who I am as I grew up. That continued to be true in my relationships over the years. I had to put large parts of myself away in each relationship just to fit into a mold of supposed normalcy until I decided that it was no longer acceptable for me. I was going to live my truth even if that limited being with others. I was being stifled and ultimately killing myself trying to belong. Now I live my life on my terms and I am so much happier.

We all have to learn how to get along and interact with others. It's hard without a rule book. We learn by making mistakes and embarrassing ourselves. It's even harder when we can't pick up on social cues as to what is acceptable and what isn't. Hopefully your family and therapist can help with this. My brother had no such guidance and is now 66 years old. He became that creepy uncle no one wants to be around. It saddens me that his life could have been different if we had known he was on the spectrum ( or even known there was a spectrum) and helped him navigate life.

Lastly I see in the posts a lot of expectations and assumptions that are not realistic. Don't expect anything from anybody. Live in the moment without expectations. When we are young we have expectations about how things/people are supposed to be. They rarely are what we expect. It's very upsetting but once you let your expectations go life is a lot more peaceful.

"Normal" people don't have wonderful unencumbered lives. They have their own mountains to climb. Don't make assumptions about anything ever. Don't assume what others lives are like or how other people feel or their own personal struggles then compare them to your own. You don't know.

Again you are how you are made. Railing against it won't change anything and is a waste of time and effort. Decide to work with it and learn ways to use it to your advantage or to at least make your life happier. Focus on what you can do and accept what you can't.

 

[Aspychata]

I hate to be a *debbie downer* but l agree with your post. Most of my early years where doable because most people in schools hadn't dwarfed into trollism at that point. Now l don't know if l would have survived without being on tranquilizers.

Some of this to speaks of mediocrity in our society. Bored teenagers with not much to look forward to in their lifetime.

You don't deserve to be bullied. You are right. But l have become older and have finally caught on that l run into cliques of people selling their ideology of you need to be one of us, and the only way to do that is to bully those around them.

I was recently bullied at a job, they finally gave up and told me l needed friends (the condition to work there). Yup, l soon was shown the door because l didn't like their friendship.

So maybe standing up to bullies is something you gotta do in life. Just grab your pretend cajones and walk into the riot crowd and vowed to come out still intact. Now l scan for cliques of troops wherever l go. At jobs, at gov. offices, hospitals, stores, businesses in general, driving. It's like our country operates more at a 3rd world level or l just never noticed it before.

People bully others in jobs, over drug sales, over dating, driving, on and on.
It's a hard cold truth but l believe you can handle this truth.

 

[Rainbowcat]

If i were you i would stop going to this therapist. Her ignorant behaviour is dangerous for your well being.What she is doing is traumatizing,you don't need someone doubting whether you are on autism spectrum or not.

You are doing your best, she is too ignorant to see that.
Also: what kind of therapist says behave like normal people? What is normal? Can she define it ?
She is not just waisting your time, she is also harming you.
Please keep looking for another therapist and try not to be so harsh on youself.

I have been myself bullied at school and i hated school. I thought it was my fault i was bullied until i got older and understood that kids are jerks. I am very familiar with self blaming, it is making you only feel worse. So give your self some time off, don't be so strict on your self, it leads to self sabotaging.

Right now try to concentrate to your entrance exams. In stressful situations it is important to try to stay calm, that is not easy, but by reducing negative thoughts and self blaming, helps a lot to stay calmer.

 

[Tcx]

I hate to be a *debbie downer* but l agree with your post. Most of my early years where doable because most people in schools hadn't dwarfed into trollism at that point. Now l don't know if l would have survived without being on tranquilizers.

Some of this to speaks of mediocrity in our society. Bored teenagers with not much to look forward to in their lifetime.

You don't deserve to be bullied. You are right. But l have become older and have finally caught on that l run into cliques of people selling their ideology of you need to be one of us, and the only way to do that is to bully those around them.

I was recently bullied at a job, they finally gave up and told me l needed friends (the condition to work there). Yup, l soon was shown the door because l didn't like their friendship.

So maybe standing up to bullies is something you gotta do in life. Just grab your pretend cajones and walk into the riot crowd and vowed to come out still intact. Now l scan for cliques of troops wherever l go. At jobs, at gov. offices, hospitals, stores, businesses in general, driving. It's like our country operates more at a 3rd world level or l just never noticed it before.

People bully others in jobs, over drug sales, over dating, driving, on and on.
It's a hard cold truth but l believe you can handle this truth.

Thanks for your reply. This is exactly the scariest scenario I'm thinking about-being bullied as an adult among adults at the job. Today my therapist told me that bullying incidents peak at junior high school, are followed by senior high school and rarely exist in uni and so on. I instantly told her I was bullied and sexual harassed in uni-the opposite of what she claimed. She said that was a rare case since the bully needed to face their consequence. However in my case, the bully just got xferred to another program and continued to study in that uni(technically the consequence is harmless). Maybe what she said is a fact-the bell curve of bullying incidents, yet I haven't had a non-bullying experience in my life when I was in school.
I apparently thought that age would fix the bullying issue. Thanks for your words. I'll fix what I assumed previously then prepare for the bullying "battle" when I go to uni again this September.

 

[Tcx]

If i were you i would stop going to this therapist. Her ignorant behaviour is dangerous for your well being.What she is doing is traumatizing,you don't need someone doubting whether you are on autism spectrum or not.

You are doing your best, she is too ignorant to see that.
Also: what kind of therapist says behave like normal people? What is normal? Can she define it ?
She is not just waisting your time, she is also harming you.
Please keep looking for another therapist and try not to be so harsh on youself.

I have been myself bullied at school and i hated school. I thought it was my fault i was bullied until i got older and understood that kids are jerks. I am very familiar with self blaming, it is making you only feel worse. So give your self some time off, don't be so strict on your self, it leads to self sabotaging.

Right now try to concentrate to your entrance exams. In stressful situations it is important to try to stay calm, that is not easy, but by reducing negative thoughts and self blaming, helps a lot to stay calmer.

I can send you a screenshot(it's not in English) of what she said. I don't think I mis-translated the sentences she said.
Today in the session I directly asked her about my (10 years ago) diagnosis. She said she didn't know me in person when I was a kid that the traits in kids would be more obvious for her to judge. She said after constantly being bullied through schools and had a trauma incident, she would hesitate to say anything about my diagnosis. She said that being on the spectrum was a personal trait and it would be there forever, unlike depression(this was what she mentioned) that could be treated and went away. And she said therapy for autism(social skills) was mainly given when the kid was in grade 1-3, 4-6 etc. She printed a table of contents from a series called "Connecting With Others. Lessons for Teaching Social and Emotional Competence" and told me these were taught when kids were...kids. The series has translated version for my native language. However I checked the table of contents-the translation was wild. I'd rather read them in English than reading a basically revamped version of the book.

I'm not sure why she mentioned these things. Kids who get diagnoses will grow up and become adults. And maybe some grown autistic adults still need assistance. Or like me whose parents rejected the given diagnosis and stopped bringing me to the therapy. Later I asked her again if she would call me "a very troubled normal kid facing lots of bullied issues then having trauma that lasts till now". She said if I want then yes. I doubt I could care less after a disconnection from reality-a good sleep has that effect.
In my opinion, she was trying her best to be neutral towards my diagnosis rather than trying to shut it down. The thing is, I still need assistance for being lack of certain critical social skills in order to prevent future bullying incident. And I told her I needed it. She replied me with "it's very good that you want to change." This therapy session lasts 1.5 hours and I feel like I was arguing with her all the time. I said a lot of "No, it's blablabla" today. At the end she said I was "resisting" learning new skills 2 times+ which was contrary to what I said.

Thanks for your words. I'll try to concentrate on my entrance exam for now. I'll google how to stay in calm when it's in a stressful moment.

 

[Aspychata]

I can send you a screenshot(it's not in English) of what she said. I don't think I mis-translated the sentences she said.
Today in the session I directly asked her about my (10 years ago) diagnosis. She said she didn't know me in person when I was a kid that the traits in kids would be more obvious for her to judge. She said after constantly being bullied through schools and had a trauma incident, she would hesitate to say anything about my diagnosis. She said that being on the spectrum was a personal trait and it would be there forever, unlike depression(this was what she mentioned) that could be treated and went away. And she said therapy for autism(social skills) was mainly given when the kid was in grade 1-3, 4-6 etc. She printed a table of contents from a series called "Connecting With Others. Lessons for Teaching Social and Emotional Competence" and told me these were taught when kids were...kids. The series has translated version for my native language. However I checked the table of contents-the translation was wild. I'd rather read them in English than reading a basically revamped version of the book.

I'm not sure why she mentioned these things. Kids who get diagnoses will grow up and become adults. And maybe some grown autistic adults still need assistance. Or like me whose parents rejected the given diagnosis and stopped bringing me to the therapy. Later I asked her again if she would call me "a very troubled normal kid facing lots of bullied issues then having trauma that lasts till now". She said if I want then yes. I doubt I could care less after a disconnection from reality-a good sleep has that effect.
In my opinion, she was trying her best to be neutral towards my diagnosis rather than trying to shut it down. The thing is, I still need assistance for being lack of certain critical social skills in order to prevent future bullying incident. And I told her I needed it. She replied me with "it's very good that you want to change." This therapy session lasts 1.5 hours and I feel like I was arguing with her all the time. I said a lot of "No, it's blablabla" today. At the end she said I was "resisting" learning new skills 2 times+ which was contrary to what I said.

Thanks for your words. I'll try to concentrate on my entrance exam for now. I'll google how to stay in calm when it's in a stressful moment.

I can send you a screenshot(it's not in English) of what she said. I don't think I mis-translated the sentences she said.
Today in the session I directly asked her about my (10 years ago) diagnosis. She said she didn't know me in person when I was a kid that the traits in kids would be more obvious for her to judge. She said after constantly being bullied through schools and had a trauma incident, she would hesitate to say anything about my diagnosis. She said that being on the spectrum was a personal trait and it would be there forever, unlike depression(this was what she mentioned) that could be treated and went away. And she said therapy for autism(social skills) was mainly given when the kid was in grade 1-3, 4-6 etc. She printed a table of contents from a series called "Connecting With Others. Lessons for Teaching Social and Emotional Competence" and told me these were taught when kids were...kids. The series has translated version for my native language. However I checked the table of contents-the translation was wild. I'd rather read them in English than reading a basically revamped version of the book.

I'm not sure why she mentioned these things. Kids who get diagnoses will grow up and become adults. And maybe some grown autistic adults still need assistance. Or like me whose parents rejected the given diagnosis and stopped bringing me to the therapy. Later I asked her again if she would call me "a very troubled normal kid facing lots of bullied issues then having trauma that lasts till now". She said if I want then yes. I doubt I could care less after a disconnection from reality-a good sleep has that effect.
In my opinion, she was trying her best to be neutral towards my diagnosis rather than trying to shut it down. The thing is, I still need assistance for being lack of certain critical social skills in order to prevent future bullying incident. And I told her I needed it. She replied me with "it's very good that you want to change." This therapy session lasts 1.5 hours and I feel like I was arguing with her all the time. I said a lot of "No, it's blablabla" today. At the end she said I was "resisting" learning new skills 2 times+ which was contrary to what I said.

Thanks for your words. I'll try to concentrate on my entrance exam for now. I'll google how to stay in calm when it's in a stressful moment.

If l am wiped out, sitting in a dark quiet room or laying down really helps me. Maybe hearing a friendly voice cheers me up. Some people swear by weighted blankets. Calming nature sounds from CD or phone. Hot tea, mediation, l love showers, l concentrate on the water hitting my body. A massage given by a person who you feel safe with. Jacuzzi, a empty pool - just floating. Journaling, writing out how you feel, pushing or tapping on your forehead- called tapping (cd and book). Listening to a small water fountain. Good luck☺