Vent/need for advice? I'm feeling a lot of intrusive thoughts regarding revealing my diagnosis.

[autism-and-autotune]

Thanks in advance; this may just be endless word regurgitation.

Lately, I have had immense feelings of just wanting to reveal my diagnosis via the Facebook, where all my family could see it (as well as friends and connections of the past). I would, of course, block my parents beforehand, as they are who enrage me the most when I think of my late-diagnosed autism. But why would I consider doing this? Twofold are my reasons: to add my voice to the autism community, and to make it known to others that certain attitudes and actions of the past were because of something that I had no idea how to control.

But would I do so for reasons of playing the victim? Would I just want the validation from people who I used to know, as it would 'clear things up'? Would it make my extended family understand that what I've been going through is something that has affected me for my whole life?

It may have more repercussions than I imagine, as I may lose my church job, or the immense about of online social interaction would prove too great for me to handle and I may get burnt out. Granted, the only other people aside from my fiance who know about me is my sister and my retail job--and even disclosing to them had me terrified. But I did it, and no ill has come.

Has anyone else done this, to this extent? What was the outcome?

Will I only feel safe enough to reveal this about my publicly--on Facebook, or through Youtube--once my parents are no longer alive? I fear their judgment and lack of understanding more than anything. I'd also add that these are the phases of realizing abuse--once you have been able to process and accept things.

Do I need extra help to better monitor myself? I mean, it's either all of this via social media or I write a book, detailing every autistic aspect of my life. I guess I'm just struggling a lot with...having this power, and not knowing the best way to use it.

The above image/quote has been running in my head over the past few days.

---

 

[Atrapa Almas]

You dont need to decide it now.

You can allow yourself some reflexion time, months or even years. You can think in how will it exactly help other autists, how will exactly others understand your autist mistakes just by knowing that you posted about being autists. Will be bad people bulling you now? Will you get targeted? Will some family members feel shame? How will affect your future self (work, love, friends)?

Its an important decision that cant be undone. Have you talked with other autists about how it was for them to make it public?

Best of luck.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

You dont need to decide it now.

You can allow yourself some reflexion time, months or even years. You can think in how will it exactly help other autists, how will exactly others understand your autist mistakes just by knowing that you posted about being autists. Will be bad people bulling you now? Will you get targeted? Will some family members feel shame? How will affect your future self (work, love, friends)?

Its an important decision that cant be undone. Have you talked with other autists about how it was for them to make it public?

Best of luck.

Thanks for your perspective. Yeah...I've known for less than a year about my autism, so you're right--maybe I just need more time to reflect.

No, I haven't asked anyone else--this is my first attempt to do so.

Thanks for the well wishes!

 

[AprilR]

I am having the same thoughts, you are not alone. I feel like confessing the world how hard it was and is, to hide everything. Without any support and completely alone.

But in my case, the country i live in does not treat autistic or otherwise disabled people well. We are treated with pity and it feels wrong to confess bc of that. But over all around the world people are becoming more informed about autism, especially in the western countries. So you might have more chance of people being accepting and maybe even more helpful to your struggles. I wish you the best whatever you decide.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

I am having the same thoughts, you are not alone. I feel like confessing the world how hard it was and is, to hide everything. Without any support and completely alone.

But in my case, the country i live in does not treat autistic or otherwise disabled people well. We are treated with pity and it feels wrong to confess bc of that. But over all around the world people are becoming more informed about autism, especially in the western countries. So you might have more chance of people being accepting and maybe even more helpful to your struggles. I wish you the best whatever you decide.

Yes--wanting to reveal it all but also wishing to remain a secret...an odd duality.

Ah, I'm sorry to hear of the situation on your country. I wish it could be easy for us all everywhere,no matter where we are.

 

[Wolfnox]

Could make you a target online for scammers, and other dishonest people. Who would use it against you.
Would ask yourself whose validation you need from letting out you have autism. Not a lot people know what that means or how to accommodate it. Some things to consider.

 

[Gerontius]

I would not tell a bunch of people. It would do better in a book.

 

[1ForAll]

What I usually do first when I have such a dilemma is to write all the positives of the one option on the left side with the negatives on the right, and I do the same for the second option. If things are still relatively equal, or I cannot make a firm decision there which option to choose, I usually pick a third choice somewhere in between, if not choose neither.

For instance, let's say I wrote a book mostly about our Autistic children, from their births through each of their Autism diagnoses to a few years after, with much emphasis too on much medical wrongdoing through all our experiences there. And let's say I was deciding whether to traditionally publish or not publish.

Let's say I found relatively equal number of pros and cons with each choice, had a hard time deciding which decision would provide I or us the biggest needed benefit or to
prevent the biggest risk or harm, and yet I knew research or advice from others would not necessarily lean me much either way.

Of course I would consult with "close" family, but I felt the final decision could be largely mine because I figured I knew the situation the best as I was the main caregiver, was the most comprehensive and able to weigh fairly all scenarios, without bias, and as I was the author there spending all my time and efforts detailing about everything, and with some big purpose in doing so.

Also, as I knew that any positive or negative outcomes with that final choice I made could be attributed to me most, and I could be blamed or rewarded based on that decision, I just did not feel comfortable with both traditional publishing and doing nothing there, as I felt I had a right to inform and help others going through similar situations, but I needed to be smart there.

That meant, in my case, I decided to do something in the middle--as that often is me.. I did not care about fame or money, but I balanced that with I am the more assisting and empathetic type and cannot stay silent on such an important topic for me, and as I had solutions for entities to consider near the book's end.

So, for that fourth book I decided to just self-publish instead, and distribute it only to caregivers or those who could relate to Autism, mostly to locals but others as well that I felt could relate or appreciate such. I did not feel comfortable marketing such, nor having others market such for me, and having it public nationwide, the more I thought about it, as our children could not understand the benefits or ramifications of that anyway.

I figured I could not take the risks in having a book in national public's eye when our close family was involved. Their safety was priority. I did not need them to tell me that. But, I do not believe in sheltering and hiding important things. Assisting one Autistic, caregiver or entity through informing about our experiences, good, neutral and bad, and through some persuasion near the end, could make similar other's feel understood and appreciated too, if not helped.

We all have things that are very important to us, and we all are hopefully weighing things there, in informed ways, based on our abilities, limitations, wants and needs. There is no right or wrong answer otherwise what to do. Some lean more toward the choice that offers more reward, whereas others may lean towards the one with least risk. And yet others in the middle may just pick a choice, hope for the best and learn from that, or come up with other solution in between, like with what I did.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

I would not tell a bunch of people. It would do better in a book.

Although isn't a book telling a bunch of people?

 

[autism-and-autotune]

What I usually do first when I have such a dilemma is to write all the positives of the one option on the left side with the negatives on the right, and I do the same for the second option. If things are still relatively equal, or I cannot make a firm decision there which option to choose, I usually pick a third choice somewhere in between, if not choose neither.

For instance, let's say I wrote a book mostly about our Autistic children, from their births through each of their Autism diagnoses to a few years after, with much emphasis too on much medical wrongdoing through all our experiences there. And let's say I was deciding whether to traditionally publish or not publish.

Let's say I found relatively equal number of pros and cons with each choice, had a hard time deciding which decision would provide I or us the biggest needed benefit or to
prevent the biggest risk or harm, and yet I knew research or advice from others would not necessarily lean me much either way.

Of course I would consult with "close" family, but I felt the final decision could be largely mine because I figured I knew the situation the best as I was the main caregiver, was the most comprehensive and able to weigh fairly all scenarios, without bias, and as I was the author there spending all my time and efforts detailing about everything, and with some big purpose in doing so.

Also, as I knew that any positive or negative outcomes with that final choice I made could be attributed to me most, and I could be blamed or rewarded based on that decision, I just did not feel comfortable with both traditional publishing and doing nothing there, as I felt I had a right to inform and help others going through similar situations, but I needed to be smart there.

That meant, in my case, I decided to do something in the middle--as that often is me.. I did not care about fame or money, but I balanced that with I am the more assisting and empathetic type and cannot stay silent on such an important topic for me, and as I had solutions for entities to consider near the book's end.

So, for that fourth book I decided to just self-publish instead, and distribute it only to caregivers or those who could relate to Autism, mostly to locals but others as well that I felt could relate or appreciate such. I did not feel comfortable marketing such, nor having others market such for me, and having it public nationwide, the more I thought about it, as our children could not understand the benefits or ramifications of that anyway.

I figured I could not take the risks in having a book in national public's eye when our close family was involved. Their safety was priority. I did not need them to tell me that. But, I do not believe in sheltering and hiding important things. Assisting one Autistic, caregiver or entity through informing about our experiences, good, neutral and bad, and through some persuasion near the end, could make similar other's feel understood and appreciated too, if not helped.

We all have things that are very important to us, and we all are hopefully weighing things there, in informed ways, based on our abilities, limitations, wants and needs. There is no right or wrong answer otherwise what to do. Some lean more toward the choice that offers more reward, whereas others may lean towards the one with least risk. And yet others in the middle may just pick a choice, hope for the best and learn from that, or come up with other solution in between, like with what I did.

Wise words...I will think for a long time about what you suggest.

 

[Gerontius]

Although isn't a book telling a bunch of people?

No. Not if you use a pseudonym. You can also delay the publication of a book til a date where you know more about this. And you can also take the time to write and edit the thing (use ink, not a computer--you're going to be rewriting nice & slow so you can think.) Then by that time perhaps the need to get it out there will have passed & you will have done the work to get to know yourself better. Not a bad way to end up.