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Venting feeds into itself.

Metalhead

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
I do not need to keep hammering in how screwed up my family is.

What I need to do is recognize that all of their gaslighting is a reflection of their own insecurities and that none of that should really be my problem at this point in my life.

I am dropping it all and walking away. About time I did that.
 
This is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Feeding the beast has done nothing to improve your life. I know that pain. Knowing that those who are suppose to love you, do not.

I've tried with my Dad. But he is too blind to the truth. Though he does that to himself daily. And I could wonder why all day. Wait for him to actually start loving me. I'll sooner die and he'll likely die before I do.

These are cold hard facts.

Life is what you make of it, but you have to start living it first.

It took me three years, with my Uncle helping, to realize this. Longer than that, living by existing. That is time I cannot take back. But there is still time left to make things right for myself.

It's the same for you.

Opportunity is knocking. Just answer the door.
 
I went through period in my life where paying rent was well, I think rent is expensive. Then working more hours just make ends meet, leaving my 'passion projects' on the side, neglecting my passions more and more.
One day had to move, sold all furniture but some personal belongings such as passions projects placed into storage were lost.
Didn't have time to cry, had to pay rent in life, grow up, be responsible!!

One day this guy flat mate still made wrong remarks about goldfishes brain, that when got to finish circle, forget, and so was happy fish swimming around. The goldfish bowl hurled across the room, and then outside large fish pond to accomodate fishy in her new movement, to try regather these so called 'asd distractions' in aval
 
I am realizing that I keep on talking about my family because I do not have much more going on in my life. All I have most days is my job, then I go home and watch YouTube until bedtime, then I spend all weekend watching YouTube, and then I go back to work five days a week. My job is the only reason I leave the house most of the time, and that is very sad.
 
My first business flop was real realisation that I had to do what needed doing on budget, so similar to work I had to do things didn't like, it's called work.

While back I decided my retirement was going off grid, somewhere in Africa. With hopeful possibility of starting business that was successful, and gave me sense of purpose to achieve sense of financial freedom, having my time to work as I felt.
Seems as if my last dreams are dying now, that what is left of me is a broken spirit.
 
Metalhead said:
I am realizing that I keep on talking about my family because I do not have much more going on in my life. All I have most days is my job, then I go home and watch YouTube until bedtime, then I spend all weekend watching YouTube, and then I go back to work five days a week. My job is the only reason I leave the house most of the time, and that is very sad.
Click to expand...
Sounds a bit like my routine, but what I do have is (1) periodic vacation time where I can travel, even if it is just little day trips, (2) an indoor/outdoor plant/gardening hobby, (3) a wife to spend my free time with, but even like right now, I am on the computer and she is watching a movie, so we both like our time alone, as well.

(1) Ruminating about one's situation only seems to amplify it and the associated depression. Not good.
(2) Get yourself a hobby, special interest, pet(s) that can keep your mind and body occupied over time. So, in my example, the plants need me to survive. I have a daily care routine with them. I did keep fish and had a few smaller aquariums, and finally a 300 gallon wall aquarium at my previous home. Again, a daily routine and I was responsible for them. I have had dogs when the kids were at home. I loved my dogs dearly, and nothing better than coming home to a wagging tail and someone excited to see you, but right now, my wife and I work 12+ hours a day, and with nobody at the house, it's just not a good situation for a dog. Perhaps after we retire. I also had my powerlifting, my race car, biking, at different points in my life. I need something to keep my mind and body busy on something else but myself.
 
I just contacted the local gay resource center. I am going to start my own local meetups. If I build them, they might come around and visit.
 
Kayla55 said:

Thought this very interesting....
Click to expand...
I'm not surprised, I literally feel mentally ill if I don't go out once per day. But I used to go out all day long and I can't anymore due to various affects of my knees and compared to that the difference is pretty big, I used to be a much more joyful person and not feeling the mental psychosis and depression and ruminate as much.

When you're outside you're not in your head, you're in your world and that makes it good for the head. And there is much more stimulus for the brain that's healthy and keeps the brain working.

I'm very thankful my psych suggested I go out every day. Now after years I can't stop not going, I need it and feel the difference.

I wish I had a yard so I could be somewhat outside at home as well.
 
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