• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Virgin Shaming

The Outsider

The Outsider

Well-Known Member
What is up with virgin shaming? I thought it was limited to jock types and other related people but I even seen people who claim to fight for social justice resort to virgin shaming too. The idea is that virgins are “losers” for not making out in that kind of way. It’s also seems to be based on the huge value of relationships that society puts on people. It’s like being single or lonely is supposed to be a bad sign that you did something wrong as a person. I don’t agree with any of this. I find it worse when so-called progressives behave in this manner because I would think they know better.

There could be several reasons why someone is a virgin. Some people don’t rush out to have a relationship. Someone could be asexual and doesn’t want that kind of connection. Maybe they just didn’t find someone yet. Even jerks and bullies can lose their virginity and it can be done in non-romantic ways.

No, seriously, how would losing my virginity change anything about my life? What’s even the big deal anyway? I would still be depressed due to numerous problems. I still wouldn’t be working. I still would have Asperger’s. I still wouldn’t understand society that well. What would not being a virgin prove or change? I mean it’s not even really anyone’s business anyway if I don’t want to share that information. I will look for relationships on my own terms and only when I'm ready.
 
I think it relates how society can be. Example, a person starts high school and they hear people are drinking. They find it cool and they want to try it too. Same thing with sex and other things. When there a certain ratio following what others are doing, it make it seems the remaining people that don't follow the others are doing that there something wrong with them.

I have issues with some males in my family thinks I should always have a girl to bang. I'm not that type of person. I rather have committed relationships.
 
Anyone who chooses not to be part of accepted norms of society will be ostracized in some way. People who think for themselves, and actually consider what they want, and how their lives will be, will not fit in with the crowd.

It's been for a very long time a kind of tribal society, where inclusion meant staying within the boundaries defined by people who benefit from this. Usually government, business and church. It's much easier to control people, if for example they marry and have children, and buy a house and a car, and go to their job everyday, who don't question but fit it. They are kept in thrall so to speak, by that life, which they are made to believe is what they should have.

There was a study done a long time ago, that indicated that males who marry and have children are less likely to start wars. Single males in their twenties do become dissatisfied with the status quo, females too, and want to change the way things are. Settling down, makes them quieter and less likely to push back. It is the 'acceptable' way, maybe even the popular way to live. People who think for themselves are called many things, by people who don't.
 
Yeah, it's pretty disgusting. "Neckbeard", "no friends", "can't get a girl", all flaws of character apparently and popular arguments among NTs for why a person is bad.
 
Once a couple of people in my class were discussing relationships and stuff and one of the girls brought up the fact that I had never had a girlfriend and said, "So are you going to stay single for ever or what?"
I said, "I prefer the term bachelor." And they all just went quiet.
 
Adder1234 said:
Once a couple of people in my class were discussing relationships and stuff and one of the girls brought up the fact that I had never had a girlfriend and said, "So are you going to stay single for ever or what?"
I said, "I prefer the term bachelor." And they all just went quiet.
Click to expand...

How would they even know unless you've specifically told them? People have assumed I have never had one several times in the past when that's not true. They think they can tell just from a person's mannerisms. Like we're just incapable because of our being different from them.
 
xDominiel said:
How would they even know unless you've specifically told them? People have assumed I have never had one several times in the past when that's not true. They think they can tell just from a person's mannerisms. Like we're just incapable because of our being different from them.
Click to expand...
I go to a really small school. Everyone knows everything about everyone.
 
Some people are sex addicts, and they want you to be experienced because then you are more likely to be better with them when you have more experience. For sex, some people are more interested in a physical aspect than emotional, and physical can get better with experience.

There are still a lot of people not like this at all. If you are hooking up with people or even getting around with too many people, then you could be potentially scaring away one of "the ones" because you kissed or did whatever with their friend. Even though doing whatever with their friend has nothing to do with your (potential) relationship with so and so, psychological, people have a tendency to think in this manner anyway.

In this case, you do you. Stand tall, and hold your own values. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin until you find the right person who is willing to work with you. There are people who do like to be like this- they just have no reason to brag about it and are very hard to find.
 
Don't let it bother you. I'm 51, and haven't "done it" either. If you're Asexual, it would be wrong to feel you have to go against your own orientation to keep others happy (on a par with the way gay/lesbian people used to be pressurised into marriages with the opposite sex). Be true to yourself always.
 
Honestly, I think virgin shaming is kind of like the male equivalent of slut shaming. And I think that just proves how crazy and inconsistent our societal values are when it comes to sexual activity. Men are expected to have sex with anyone and everyone that they can at every possibly opportunity and women are expected to be very very selective and stay virgins for as long as they can. Anyone who goes against those expectations will be shunned and shamed for it.
 
The Outsider said:
What is up with virgin shaming? I thought it was limited to jock types and other related people but I even seen people who claim to fight for social justice resort to virgin shaming too. The idea is that virgins are “losers” for not making out in that kind of way. It’s also seems to be based on the huge value of relationships that society puts on people. It’s like being single or lonely is supposed to be a bad sign that you did something wrong as a person. I don’t agree with any of this. I find it worse when so-called progressives behave in this manner because I would think they know better.

There could be several reasons why someone is a virgin. Some people don’t rush out to have a relationship. Someone could be asexual and doesn’t want that kind of connection. Maybe they just didn’t find someone yet. Even jerks and bullies can lose their virginity and it can be done in non-romantic ways.

No, seriously, how would losing my virginity change anything about my life? What’s even the big deal anyway? I would still be depressed due to numerous problems. I still wouldn’t be working. I still would have Asperger’s. I still wouldn’t understand society that well. What would not being a virgin prove or change? I mean it’s not even really anyone’s business anyway if I don’t want to share that information. I will look for relationships on my own terms and only when I'm ready.
Click to expand...

They are shaming you because htey know that women love virgin men because they are not the ones like dogs. I can't speak for everyone but men who sleep around can actually be dangerious for women. The STD load causes more physical trouble for women than men. In terms of cancer and so forth.

Ther are many MANY groups that do not shame male or female virgins. Stay around those people. No one ever shames guys for not sleeping aroung after a certain age. After they are paying child support to a few women and all that.....well, they look at you like, "Hmmmmmmmm"

By hte way, this is not anti-male!! There are so many great men out there!
 
It's not just male. I'm a woman. At the inner-city 'sink' junior high I attended in northern England in the 1970s, aged about 12, I was called a "lemon" and "lesbian" because I wasn't interested in sex acts with boys in the bike shed. Even at a single-sex high school, for the rougher girls, being a virgin meant being called "lesbian". A teacher overheard a girl calling me homophobic names and told her off. The girl thought I'd reported her, and (even though I didn't know her at all) barged into the classroom and hit me in the face, giving me a black eye and bloody nose. I was about 15 then, c. 1980.

I can take some comfort from knowing that at least 3 girls from the junior high school have now been dead for some years, having ended up as heroin-using prostitutes.
 
Me put naughty part into another naughty part.
Me special.
Me clever.
Me strong!
Me survived being dropped as baby.
You no can do naughty thing.
You weak.
You small.
Me large.
You small.
Me laugh at you.
 
If women loved virgin men the dogs wouldn't exist. Not all women want or are attracted to a womanizer, but there is a reason women flock to them. These men are socially competent and secure with themselves, and if you're still a virgin it most likely means you are neither of those things. Other men shame virgins because it ultimately shows you lack confidence and drive, and men value these things. And as I'm sure most women will tell you, that isn't an attractive quality (or non-quality).
Also, as males of the species our most basic and animalistic function is to mate and spread seed to keep the species going. If we can't even get a woman to be attracted to us and get our foot in the door, how are we supposed to perform our function? This is why both men and women see male virgins as failures.

LADIES: This is a general statement. I'm sure none of you on this site shame virgins or are attracted to male sluts, so please don't take this personally, as some of you might.

GUYS: I am not excusing people shaming you for being a virgin, if you are one. This is just how I see the issue. I'm in the same boat you are: At the end of my rope
 
xDominiel said:
This is not true. Women virgin-shame too, and I've heard of cases where a woman would no longer sleep with a guy after she found out he was a virgin.
Click to expand...

...but if she slept with him then he no longer was a virgin, and her reason for dismissing him is no longer valid.
 
One reason why a person may decide to remain a virgin I don't think has been raised yet, and that is the fact that sex is just so icky, smelly and gross. Yes, I'm a virgin too, and I am staying that way! :) Intimacy? No thanks!
 
xDominiel said:
This is not true. Women virgin-shame too, and I've heard of cases where a woman would no longer sleep with a guy after she found out he was a virgin.
Click to expand...

Seriously? dang. That is so sad. Why would they do that?!

Also, SO TRUE! WHy dismiss him after she took his virginity ? Hypocritical!
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom