Volunteering: My Experiences

[RemyZee]

I just started yesterday at a volunteer position and in the past have had social issues when I work, even to the point of getting fired or asked to resign. I was asked to sit in on a meeting and then to spend time talking to the staff and finding out what they do, and once again the social part plays out. Suddenly when asked a question in the meeting I couldn't respond at all or remember what we'd been talking about. Then it happened again twice. I had to tell people I don't have a great memory and apologize for being lost.

I am always baffled by the social part of dealing with being in an office, of people gossiping and hanging out at the coffee machine, remembering names, the need for politeness, walking into an office to introduce myself, just knowing what to say or if to say something-- which seems to regularly come out differently from what I expect. Or just remembering what a discussion is about can be hard. So when I'm in a situation where i have to "function" things just kind of implode.

It's been five years since I had a job, and the last one was a bit of a social disaster but I want to try and need the income, so i think a volunteer position would be a good place to start.
But I was wondering if anyone has the experience especially of dealing with workplace politics, making a good impression, dealing with social anxiety etc
How to deal with the many social foibles and the demand at work to interact and be "likeable" when that is apparently not what I am innately.

 

[Suzanne]

I have always said if I could just work, then I would be happy to apply for a job. But, sadly, life is not like that and have been there before, trying to work, but could not cope with the social part at all.

I am currently waiting on the verdict for adult handicape in France and it looks very promising for me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Oddly, I could divorce work from the social. Because I needed information to do my job I could be attentive to communication and focus. I actually enjoyed working with Engineering and liked when I was in demand for projects, even by people I did not know directly. While I had a stint as a manufacturing supervisor, my social deficits were evident, but I learned to dig in and solve problems without assigning blame. That got me something better than authority, it got me influence that lasted beyond my tenure in that position.

 

[All-Rounder]

Sometimes when I hang around people I might find things I want to comment on, however most topics render me untalkative, chit chat is even harder in groups and especially taking turns speaking.

I also tend to guard a lot of personal details so that people don't really know who I am so it can be hard to find the right topic. However I searched questions to ask new friends and that might help starting conversations if not continuing, and as with everything, I have my high interest questions.

Don't be surprised if they ask you: how about you? and have the answers prepared.

 

[Outdated]

But I was wondering if anyone has the experience especially of dealing with workplace politics, making a good impression, dealing with social anxiety etc. How to deal with the many social foibles and the demand at work to interact and be "likeable" when that is apparently not what I am innately.

I know exactly the problems you're having, so many of us do. My government has just started a series of huge studies, for once asking autistic people themselves what strategies could be put in place to help keep more of us in employment and another study for how to best help autistic people in general.

Here's part of one of my submissions:

For most of us sensory issues are nowhere near as important as emotional issues. Our largest barrier to remaining in the workforce is our inability to see and navigate social hierarchies. Some personalities require a strong sense of hierarchy in their social environment and most people just seamlessly fit themselves in to correct positions within this hierarchy without even appearing to know that they are doing so.

We can’t see these hierarchal structures or the social cues I assume are there to signify such structures. To most people this is no issue but to some we are seen to be challenging them. Most of us know about these social structures and to many of us it’s known as The Hen Pecking Order, but we are unable to see these social cues and we are unable to navigate these situations. We are not capable of learning this, no matter how hard we try.

This is single largest reason why so many of us start out our lives looking like we have bright futures ahead of us but we end up burning out and spending the rest of our lives on the dole.

That’s not good for us personally, it’s not good for society as a whole either, and employers are missing out on a lot of serious talent.

This is where employers do need to be educated. I was lucky in that I was highly skilled and talented in a very demanding trade and as such I was a prize catch. For 20 years I lived in a very protected environment without knowing what that protection meant or what it was worth.

Good printers tended to be highly strung and were known to change jobs over things as silly as the boss supplying the wrong type of beer for Friday afternoons. I was highly prized so anyone seen to be upsetting me was in danger of finding themselves standing outside the front door holding a week’s pay in lieu of notice.

Then my trade started to die out and I had to start working in other jobs. That’s when I found out what it is that most autistic people have to go through and I burnt out completely in a very short few years.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Our largest barrier to remaining in the workforce is our inability to see and navigate social hierarchies.

About a decade before I retired, I said to hell wi;th that and got my ideal job, to be able to speak truth to power as a Quality Engineer in Pharmaceutical Quality.

 

[MNAus]

OK, so this is something i always struggle with. I absolutely understand where you're coming from.

First tip. Don't do the politics. Is it fair that others can get ahead and maybe even hold you back by playing politics? Hell no. But you won't win, and it will cost you. Don't let people walk all over you, but avoid politics.

Second. Avoid gossip. I mean the socialising stuff. I always use "Oh right? I don't really know them very well" when someone starts up about so and so.

Third. Have faith in what you're good at. You don't need to be able to do everything to succeed. If you can't remember names, make that part of who you are, not something to be ashamed of. I just tell everyone in an unapologetic manner.

Good luck!

 

[VictorR]

If a position is one where socializing is more common, you may find it useful to keep notes.

I remember one time I was job shadowing a sales rep and they showed me an index card holder full of cards for all of their clients, with notes on their families, anniversaries and birthdays if known, interests (personal and work), the type of products they buy and frequency, as well as safe topics, unsafe topics (if any), most recent contact and next expected contact.


As for meetings, meeting minutes, where taken, may assist in helping you keep track of what was said in general, decisions made, and next steps.

 

[RemyZee]

I know exactly the problems you're having, so many of us do. My government has just started a series of huge studies, for once asking autistic people themselves what strategies could be put in place to help keep more of us in employment and another study for how to best help autistic people in general.

Here's part of one of my submissions:

For most of us sensory issues are nowhere near as important as emotional issues. Our largest barrier to remaining in the workforce is our inability to see and navigate social hierarchies. Some personalities require a strong sense of hierarchy in their social environment and most people just seamlessly fit themselves in to correct positions within this hierarchy without even appearing to know that they are doing so.

We can’t see these hierarchal structures or the social cues I assume are there to signify such structures. To most people this is no issue but to some we are seen to be challenging them. Most of us know about these social structures and to many of us it’s known as The Hen Pecking Order, but we are unable to see these social cues and we are unable to navigate these situations. We are not capable of learning this, no matter how hard we try.

This is single largest reason why so many of us start out our lives looking like we have bright futures ahead of us but we end up burning out and spending the rest of our lives on the dole.

That’s not good for us personally, it’s not good for society as a whole either, and employers are missing out on a lot of serious talent.

This is where employers do need to be educated. I was lucky in that I was highly skilled and talented in a very demanding trade and as such I was a prize catch. For 20 years I lived in a very protected environment without knowing what that protection meant or what it was worth.

Good printers tended to be highly strung and were known to change jobs over things as silly as the boss supplying the wrong type of beer for Friday afternoons. I was highly prized so anyone seen to be upsetting me was in danger of finding themselves standing outside the front door holding a week’s pay in lieu of notice.

Then my trade started to die out and I had to start working in other jobs. That’s when I found out what it is that most autistic people have to go through and I burnt out completely in a very short few years.

This is so relatable as they say. I don't recognize or know how to navigate hierarchy. There's not any sense of who to suck up to and who should suck up to me--how to deal with people in charge, "fawning," finding it awful to have to ask a question, the Ling walk to someone's office to get something and dread
Sounds like complaining bit I've just come to a place where I'm caring less. Which I thinks a good thing

 

[RemyZee]

I posted awhile back about a volunteer position I have. Of course the social part gets in the way, but I'm finding myself almost paralyzed at times--sitting in my chair having a hard time just walking down the hall to ask a question. Not knowing what people are saying or what they expect, knowing even whether I'm liked or wanted. And repeatedly in meetings I'm being asked questions and am literally unable to respond besides "I don't know". It's like fog soup just going in there because it's disorienting. But I don't want to quit like I have before! The key being sustainable.

 

[RemyZee]

I know exactly the problems you're having, so many of us do. My government has just started a series of huge studies, for once asking autistic people themselves what strategies could be put in place to help keep more of us in employment and another study for how to best help autistic people in general.

Here's part of one of my submissions:

For most of us sensory issues are nowhere near as important as emotional issues. Our largest barrier to remaining in the workforce is our inability to see and navigate social hierarchies. Some personalities require a strong sense of hierarchy in their social environment and most people just seamlessly fit themselves in to correct positions within this hierarchy without even appearing to know that they are doing so.

We can’t see these hierarchal structures or the social cues I assume are there to signify such structures. To most people this is no issue but to some we are seen to be challenging them. Most of us know about these social structures and to many of us it’s known as The Hen Pecking Order, but we are unable to see these social cues and we are unable to navigate these situations. We are not capable of learning this, no matter how hard we try.

This is single largest reason why so many of us start out our lives looking like we have bright futures ahead of us but we end up burning out and spending the rest of our lives on the dole.

That’s not good for us personally, it’s not good for society as a whole either, and employers are missing out on a lot of serious talent.

This is where employers do need to be educated. I was lucky in that I was highly skilled and talented in a very demanding trade and as such I was a prize catch. For 20 years I lived in a very protected environment without knowing what that protection meant or what it was worth.

Good printers tended to be highly strung and were known to change jobs over things as silly as the boss supplying the wrong type of beer for Friday afternoons. I was highly prized so anyone seen to be upsetting me was in danger of finding themselves standing outside the front door holding a week’s pay in lieu of notice.

Then my trade started to die out and I had to start working in other jobs. That’s when I found out what it is that most autistic people have to go through and I burnt out completely in a very short few years.

I understand what you're saying

 

[RemyZee]

OK, so this is something i always struggle with. I absolutely understand where you're coming from.

First tip. Don't do the politics. Is it fair that others can get ahead and maybe even hold you back by playing politics? Hell no. But you won't win, and it will cost you. Don't let people walk all over you, but avoid politics.

Second. Avoid gossip. I mean the socialising stuff. I always use "Oh right? I don't really know them very well" when someone starts up about so and so.

Third. Have faith in what you're good at. You don't need to be able to do everything to succeed. If you can't remember names, make that part of who you are, not something to be ashamed of. I just tell everyone in an unapologetic manner.

Good luck!

Oh yes, gossip. Once when people at my work were gossiping I put my 10ncents in the problem was it was telling people about an officemate who was about to get let go. Ingot fired myself for that. These days I'm trying to laugh about it. There is something sadly funny about getting sacked again and again. Like accidentally getting a terrible haircut or finding out I got shoes that were a very bad color.

 

[RemyZee]

This is the funny thing--I was totally bummed that the volunteer position wasn't working out basically because of how terrible and awful I am. But the supervisor emailed me today: "You're doing a terrific job."
So often when I am certain people can't stand me and all that i am composed of it turns out the opposite.

 

[MROSS]

How many have found volunteering as opportunties to develop friendships?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Worked alone in lab, trained others one on one was where I was most effective. Suppliers liked one on one with me
Many would come see me to see what was going on even before interfacing with the management. Being in the lab I was the heart of the process. Nothing got on the line unless I approved it first

 

[MROSS]

How many have found volunteering as opportunties to develop friendships?

Any opportunties to volunteer in recreational/life enrichment activities?

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I was good at the job, but couldn’t pass muster on the necessary fawning, hierarchy, etc.

I only became successful when I became self employed.

So, here’s a volunteer opportunity that might be a better fit. Volunteers are badly needed in Adult Day Training programs. You work with people who are far more disabled than you. You can do needed one on one attention. Too many times I see a severely physically disabled adult pushed in a corner and just left. How wonderful it would be if someone were to sit with them, talk to them, take them for a “walk” in their wheelchair.

 

[MROSS]

Volunteer opportunties may also involve environmental issues, and arts activities.