Want to apply for this job but phone call advice is terrifying me.

[Owliet]

In my last job, I was told to watch out for an upcoming position in the subject area that I teach, in addition to another subject that whilst I havent taught it, I technically did elements of the subject in my MA. However, I am very apprehensive about applying for this because they invited me to apply, told me that even if I didnt have this additional subject that there were ways around it (although at this time, words are wind). The job has just come up, and I’ll start the application process tomorrow, with the aim to submit it in the next few days. So I tell me dad that this job has come up because he told me to check every day from when I was told (that I have been doing) and I was asking him a few questions like could my MA actually apply to show I have experience with the second subject area) and he was telling me that I need to make a phone call as soon as possible To mention about my MA and point out that some things tie. With my transcript with the syllabus (I mean, it does). My mom also interrupted with her “make a phone call“ to these other people — which wasn’t related or helpful, and was there to just further add the stress.

They both know that phone calls are difficult for me.
They just dont seem to understand that telephone calls are terrifying for me. They dont understand that it is quite challenging for me to make and even if I make a script, it is still extremely stressful. It’s the same for interviews but most of the time, now thanks to covid wariness, that they are on zoom and other online tools. I really want this job. I have a good chance since this place knows me and were the ones to encourage me to apply for this position. I also have additional support from others in this workplace. And whilst I appreciate my dad’s advice for this, I’m quite stressed about the very idea of making a phone call to ask. Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to mention all of this in my cover letter instead? Its not like they aren’t aware because on my exit interview I did mention that I didnt really have this when they mentioned it to me, but now realizing what my MA also did, I can do it. My boss at the time, she even said that I can put my mind to anything and do it.

Do I just write the cover letter? But then again, I can’t avoid phone calls forever. But I dont want it to be drawn out and make errors when making the phone call because that could impact me with this.

Can someone please help me with what the best decision is here?

 

[Judge]

I faced a similar dilemma at an early point as a working adult. Where my need for a job surpassed any and all issues of social anxiety. Where simply put, I "bit the bullet" when it came to avoiding using the phone and simply accepted it as a necessary evil as part of the job. Somehow with so much repetition it became easier over time.

Don't mean to sound harsh, but in this world it's pretty difficult to avoid using the phone. Especially when involved with one's job. On occasion, I suspect most of us have to deal with that moment that may involve our worst fears. When life "pushes us up against a wall", forcing our survival instincts kick in, and we somehow "swim rather than sink" to stay whole and live to fight another day.

Where you need to recite those cherished words of President Franklin Roosevelt:

- "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself."

 

[AprilR]

I also experienced the anxiety regarding phone calls. I am sorry your parents are not understanding and supportive, i am sure you can do it with a few supportive people around you, but the tense atmosphere must be difficult.

To me, i was horrified the first time i had to make a phone call with a client. I didn't know when it is my turn to speak, and had trouble understanding what people are saying. I think i got better with practicing, and listening to how other people communicate on the phone. I wish i had better advice.

I think it is better to try in your case, if the job entails making phone calls, it will be good in the long run to try.

 

[Gerontius]

I was raised in a house with a landline phone, and had bits in English class where there were descriptions on how to place a telephone call. Books on manners also explained how to use the phone, and when I was fourteen or fifteen I ran some wire down the hall to hook up to the phone jack in the living-room so I could have a wall telephone in my bedroom.
Being autistic does not always have to mean you cannot use the phone, and being Gen Z doesn't mean you are by default terrified of telephone calls.

I think the part that made it easier for me was that I was using a rotary telephone with no caller ID whatsoever; you simply answered it if it rang, or you dialed someone if you wanted to call out.

The more I used the phone the better off I was. Practice makes perfect, & I blame a lot of parents nowadays for never making sure people knew how to use the phone and have legible handwriting. These were skills I picked up being a very small history buff, but they've served me very well in college & in adult life. I still get panicky about making some phone calls but things are working out.

Poor telephone skills can interrupt your work life--Employers ask about how well you can work on the phone. They can hamper your social life--it's much faster to make a quick phone call than to spend 5 or 10 minutes texting. Fear of the telephone can get in the way of dating, too--sometimes people don't want to talk on the telephone, so you spend 90 minutes texting when 90 minutes on the phone would have been able to cover much more ground about plans, projects, and other fun stuff. Get the hang of it--If we are able to learn the complex emotions of empathy, contrary to what some people say about us, we can definitely learn to make a telephone call.

Keep practicing and don't let yourself miss an opportunity because the telephone intimidates you. Phones are weird--we all know that! -- but go for it.

 

[Owliet]

Thank you — I guess I am doing the panic moment rather than think logically. I know I cant avoid this forever.

How do you avoid or manage the panic feelings when making the phone calls? I usually panic and then everything is lost — but then again, I guess it’s also down to a ton of practice.

 

[AprilR]

Well i think of it like this: you will talk about a specific subject, nothing more. The person on the other side of the phone is probably busy too and doesn't want to chat forever.

So i try to explain why i am calling and if i have any questions ask them. I also always thank the other person before i hang up, even if we didn't communicate anything that helps me. Because if the other person understands that i am trying to be considerate, they will also answer in a considerate manner. At least thats my experience

 

[Judge]

Well i think of it like this: you will talk about a specific subject, nothing more. The person on the other side of the phone is probably busy too and doesn't want to chat forever.

So i try to explain why i am calling and if i have any questions ask them. I also always thank the other person before i hang up, even if we didn't communicate anything that helps me. Because if the other person understands that i am trying to be considerate, they will also answer in a considerate manner. At least thats my experience

Good point. I suspect many of us with such issues will inevitably find most business calls considerably easier to deal with. (I did.)

Primarily because they are conditional in nature. That in matters of business, both parties want something and are far more likely to keep the conversation focused for the sake of time and efficiency. No time for idle chit-chat.

 

[AprilR]

Good point. I suspect many of us with such issues will inevitably find most business calls considerably easier to deal with. (I did.)

Primarily because they are conditional in nature. That in matters of business, both parties want something and are far more likely to keep the conversation focused for the sake of time and efficiency. No time for idle chit-chat.

Yes yes! Making business calls has become pretty standard for me. Being polite, keeping it short and on point. Also remember: the person on the line is probably not waiting for you to make a fool of yourself. Chances are, they have a lot of other things going in their head.

And even if the call doesn't go well, if you are polite to the end you have nothing to feel bad for. You can say i did my best and move on with your life. I hope everything goes well for op

 

[Outdated]

I have the same issue with phones that you do. I don't even have a mobile phone any more, now that I'm in a position to get away with that.

Rather than make phone calls I go and visit people in person. This is usually well recieved and it allows me to form much more distinct impressions of the people I'm going to be dealing with.

 

[Rodafina]

How do you avoid or manage the panic feelings when making the phone calls? I usually panic and then everything is lost — but then again, I guess it’s also down to a ton of practice.

Definitely, practice helps, which I will actually do on my own sometimes. I don’t memorize a script and say it word for word, but I will jot down my ideas and try to practice saying them out loud a couple times.

Also, standard stuff for panic would certainly apply here. Do everything you need to do to prepare so that you feel some confidence, and then get yourself grounded before you make the call. Get an a good, comfortable, quiet space. Maybe do some deep breathing or comforting stimming, whatever it takes to get in a calm mindset.

You can be ready with some sort of reward or treat after the phone call, as well. Hopefully the relief of having done it will be enough, but you can always create an artificial incentive for yourself, because it is very hard.

Lastly, it sounds like these people know you already, and so perhaps you can put a little trust in the connection that has already been established.

 

[Duncan74]

Can I step back to why there is the need, or what the intent is of the phone call. Sorry if I missed it above. If the role is advertised, and indeed it's awesome they actively invited you to apply, then does the advert require a call to register interest? If not then you could message the person that alerted you it was coming, thank them and say you're working on your application which I assume will be online/emailed?

Years ago you used to call to find out more, and it may vary in some industries/locations, but the most offputting thing for me is applicants reaching out on email/linkedin and not jsut doing as requested and applying through our online portal.

And it's really odd. Landline or even mobile phone calls I hate (always have from as a kid to an adult). And yet I spend my entire life on teams video calls and I have absolutely no issue with them at all now. Sure I get the odd call, and I muddle through, but I find a video call an incredible leveller.

 

[VictorR]

Hi Owliet,

It sounds like they’re sufficiently interested in you that you’d be a preferred candidate – so while you still have to compete for it, if you end up being close to the other candidates on assessment, you would likely get a tiebreaker point or two. That’s always nice to have.

To be honest, unless you were invited to contact them by phone, I’m not really sure why you’d need to call them. Usually one would submit a copy of their CV with adjustments to highlight training, experience, and skills relevant to the job being applied for, and in the cover letter (which I always recommend writing even if it’s not specifically asked for), to express your excitement about the opportunity and why you feel you would make a good fit for their team.

I should note I’m speaking from a CA context, and it’s quite well possible that norms in CH differ, but here, the CV is always done from a retrospective view, whereas the cover letter is the opportunity to look ahead, in addition to highlighting any assets you have that would likely be good for the job and/or the organization, but which were not necessarily mentioned in the advertisement. This helps you stand out. If you’re emailing rather than submitting via a website, the email itself can also serve as an opportunity to present an abbreviated version of your cover letter as well.

 

[Owliet]

Can I step back to why there is the need, or what the intent is of the phone call. Sorry if I missed it above. If the role is advertised, and indeed it's awesome they actively invited you to apply, then does the advert require a call to register interest? If not then you could message the person that alerted you it was coming, thank them and say you're working on your application which I assume will be online/emailed?

Years ago you used to call to find out more, and it may vary in some industries/locations, but the most offputting thing for me is applicants reaching out on email/linkedin and not jsut doing as requested and applying through our online portal.

And it's really odd. Landline or even mobile phone calls I hate (always have from as a kid to an adult). And yet I spend my entire life on teams video calls and I have absolutely no issue with them at all now. Sure I get the odd call, and I muddle through, but I find a video call an incredible leveller.

Hi Owliet,

It sounds like they’re sufficiently interested in you that you’d be a preferred candidate – so while you still have to compete for it, if you end up being close to the other candidates on assessment, you would likely get a tiebreaker point or two. That’s always nice to have.

To be honest, unless you were invited to contact them by phone, I’m not really sure why you’d need to call them. Usually one would submit a copy of their CV with adjustments to highlight training, experience, and skills relevant to the job being applied for, and in the cover letter (which I always recommend writing even if it’s not specifically asked for), to express your excitement about the opportunity and why you feel you would make a good fit for their team.

I am not fully clear what the NEED actually Is but my dad keeps repeating it like I should take advantage of the connection that I have with this boss, and mention to her that I have this additional thing that I could use because I have some experience in this, although at the time of mentioning the job to me during my exit interview, I didn’t actually mention this to her of “oh I have this”. Now, dad is saying i should call her to let her know that I have seen the job posting, that I will be applying (I mean, I am applying for it anyway so I don't understand why it would be a big deal to make a phone call when emailing it to her will do, and I will be sending it to her directly to her email address). and ask if I should mention what I did in my MA in the cover letter — basically to ask her what she’d like to see in the cover letter and if its okay if I mention that I have this experience. I mean, to me, it is Obvious that is what I should mention anyway in my cover letter and there’s no guarantee that I’d even get this job despite her telling me this in advance during my exit interview and to keep an watch for the position posting to apply. I get this is a form of networking, but I feel like its dishonest. I feel very uncomfortable with this whole idea, to the extent that I guess at some point last night I woke up feeling stressed about it. I dont want to mess this up. I feel like I am being given the wrong advice here and I dont really have anyone to mention this to because I am being told by the people who would give me advice that I need to do this, but I just dont feel like this is beneficial. Outside of saying Hi, happy new year. Saw the job posting, I will be applying for it, I hope its okay that I mention that I have this and this in my experience from my MA and do you think its feasible to include this in my cover letter?

Now I’m sitting here struggling to write a script to prepare what to say tomorrow when I have to call since I have to do it. And I am struggling because it wont sound organic but I also know that I will mess this up in some form and then I might as well accept this as a loss. All because of this, that makes no sense to do this.

 

[Forest Cat]

I am not fully clear what the NEED actually Is but my dad keeps repeating it like I should take advantage of the connection that I have with this boss, and mention to her that I have this additional thing that I could use because I have some experience in this, although at the time of mentioning the job to me during my exit interview, I didn’t actually mention this to her of “oh I have this”. Now, dad is saying i should call her to let her know that I have seen the job posting, that I will be applying (I mean, I am applying for it anyway so I don't understand why it would be a big deal to make a phone call when emailing it to her will do, and I will be sending it to her directly to her email address). and ask if I should mention what I did in my MA in the cover letter — basically to ask her what she’d like to see in the cover letter and if its okay if I mention that I have this experience. I mean, to me, it is Obvious that is what I should mention anyway in my cover letter and there’s no guarantee that I’d even get this job despite her telling me this in advance during my exit interview and to keep an watch for the position posting to apply. I get this is a form of networking, but I feel like its dishonest. I feel very uncomfortable with this whole idea, to the extent that I guess at some point last night I woke up feeling stressed about it. I dont want to mess this up. I feel like I am being given the wrong advice here and I dont really have anyone to mention this to because I am being told by the people who would give me advice that I need to do this, but I just dont feel like this is beneficial. Outside of saying Hi, happy new year. Saw the job posting, I will be applying for it, I hope its okay that I mention that I have this and this in my experience from my MA and do you think its feasible to include this in my cover letter?

Now I’m sitting here struggling to write a script to prepare what to say tomorrow when I have to call since I have to do it. And I am struggling because it wont sound organic but I also know that I will mess this up in some form and then I might as well accept this as a loss. All because of this, that makes no sense to do this.

It could be that your dad wants you to call because that shows the employer that you are interested and a go-getter. Lets say 10 people write an email and you call and write an email. Then you stick out as someone who does something extra, you show more interest. It could give a good impression of you. So it might not seem necessary to call since you are sending it in writing anyway, but I think your dad is used to calling and being 'on the ball'. It used to be like that before, maybe it's less important now when everyone are using email and those kind of things. Remember that you don't have to do it just because someone says you should, it's your decision. He is just trying to help you I think, making sure you have the best chance to get the job.

I don't write a script, but sometimes I write down some key words, things I should remember to mention. In case I get stuck when I call. And in case my head blanks out and I run out of things to say. Best of luck with the job.

 

[Owliet]

I could be that your dad wants you to call because that shows the employer that you are interested and a go-getter. Lets say 10 people write an email and you call and write an email. Then you stick out as someone who does something extra, you show more interest. It could give a good impression of you. So it might not seem necessary to call since you are sending it in writing anyway, but I think your dad is used to calling and being 'on the ball'. It used to be like that before, maybe it's less important now when everyone are using email and those kind of things. Remember that you don't have to do it just because someone says you should, it's your decision. He is just trying to help you I think, making sure you have the best chance to get the job.

I don't write a script, but sometimes I write down some key words, things I should remember to mention. In case I get stuck when I call. And in case my head blanks out and I run out of things to say. Best of luck with the job.

I guess that makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I will try calling tomorrow.=)

 

[Forest Cat]

I guess that makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I will try calling tomorrow.=)

I know how it can be, I have always had problems with phone calls. And I have never had a good explanation for it, I know it's just a phone call but it can be super-stressing. But usually it goes ok and I realize afterwards that I was just stressing myself and overthinking it. I think you will do fine, you can do it. Good luck.

 

[Owliet]

I know how it can be, I have always had problems with phone calls. And I have never had a good explanation for it, I know it's just a phone call but it can be super-stressing. But usually it goes ok and I realize afterwards that I was just stressing myself and overthinking it. I think you will do fine, you can do it. Good luck.

Thanks. I really dont know why I feel stressed about making or receiving them either. It’s really weird that when it comes to video calls, whilst I am anxious, it is not as high anxiety as doing phone calls. Yes, I will get it done tomorrow — it’s already up on my calendar with a snoopy Sticker to tell me of its importance. Afterwards, I’ll definitely deserve my joghurt drink.=D

 

[Duncan74]

Side topic: I've done a lot of thinking on this, and I think it's because the workarounds we use to make up for difficulty in non verbal processing in real conversations aren't available to us on a phone call. We have developed these alternat skills and on a phone call they are not available to us. As a kid I literally was frightened of the phone. It was a scary thing and had a similar reaction to people get to spiders or clowns, yet of course you were forced to do it to speak to granny/ dad woring late at work, etc. And note this fear continues today.

Teams video calls on the other hand have been amazing. The NTs struggle a bit as the can't quite get the full non verbal experience, and so after 2 years of covid, then they over state the cues to help the other NTs and of course that's "hello, well why the fk can't you just do / say that in real meetings!!!" ;-) So it masks my deficenency, and also partly disarms the NTs to level us all up.

 

[Owliet]

Side topic: I've done a lot of thinking on this, and I think it's because the workarounds we use to make up for difficulty in non verbal processing in real conversations aren't available to us on a phone call. We have developed these alternat skills and on a phone call they are not available to us. As a kid I literally was frightened of the phone. It was a scary thing and had a similar reaction to people get to spiders or clowns, yet of course you were forced to do it to speak to granny/ dad woring late at work, etc. And note this fear continues today.

Teams video calls on the other hand have been amazing. The NTs struggle a bit as the can't quite get the full non verbal experience, and so after 2 years of covid, then they over state the cues to help the other NTs and of course that's "hello, well why the fk can't you just do / say that in real meetings!!!" ;-) So it masks my deficenency, and also partly disarms the NTs to level us all up.

That makes a lot of sense, thank you.=)

 

[VictorR]

I agree it's up to you as to whether to call.

I should note that where I am, most public sector employers (which include most schools) have specific marking grids for hiring assessments, and they're usually quite specific - did the person indicate they have X experience in their CV and did they address all of the desired qualities in their CV or application responses?

This means that doing something outside the norm (like making a call) would result in no points, and if you were not someone already known to them and have a good rapport, it might actually be detrimental and cause a potential tie-breaker to go against you. (e.g. Oh, it's that super eager person annoying us)