Was/Is it Love

[DavidS]

Well, it’s been two weeks since my girlfriend and I have not spoken. The first week was an absolute hell, I could barely move except when I’d force myself to go to work. I’d cry and breakdown while driving alone, thinking of how I had hurt her emotionally and the drama that brought us to this point. I had reached out to my Bible study leader and told him everything, he said to use this time to heal and build myself up and to keep moving forward. He said that she’s immersed herself in her work to revalidate her purpose in this world. The deciding factor on when we try again is when I feel I have made progression in therapy, but that’s a rather open ended interpretation. I went to a CARE center Monday for an initial evaluation. They will call me this week to say if they are up to the task with my particular needs. The only reason I have to know it’s not a breakup is that she still had my apartment key and a large sum of money, both of which she would give back as soon as possible if we were broken up because she is the epitome of a self made woman and will owe no one, not even family.

I find my thoughts constantly filled with her and this situation, the joys, the pains, guilt, her smile, everything and anything really. I understand this is the core definition of obsession, I’m fighting as best I can by staying busy. I’m beginning my paperwork to apply for my journeyman’s license, am sewing a commissioned uniform for a retired Army Colonel/military historian, and next week Lord willing I’m bringing home a blue tick coonhound.

I can’t escape my thoughts though, and next week will/would have been our one year anniversary. What is the fine line between love and obsession? Especially as far as us aspies are concerned. I pray for her every night that she will have peace and will succeed in her important work, and I know she prayers for me as well. I still feel this empty hole of sorrow that I wish had never happened.

 

[Judge]

What is the fine line between love and obsession? Especially as far as us aspies are concerned.

Yeah. A tough "tightrope" to walk at times in a relationship. Hope it all works out for you.

 

[Fino]

When I was in my first relationship, I occasionally asked myself if I was in love. When I was in my second relationship, I knew without a doubt that I was in love and realized the first time had not been love. So in my experience, love includes certainty, among many thing other things.

 

[DavidS]

When I was in my first relationship, I occasionally asked myself if I was in love. When I was in my second relationship, I knew without a doubt that I was win love and realized the first time had not been love. So in my experience, love includes certainty, among many thing other things.

My cause of doubt is not so much internal as it external. I would die for her, the opportunity has presented itself twice and was met with steady resolve. I would do anything for her to be happy and to pursue her dreams including giving money to support her work, the problem came when I thought that the work took precedence over me. There was once when she was going through the initial stage of a infusion treatment for her disease that had the potential to kill her in the night, I stayed there besides her the whole time. I don’t ask because I feel that I don’t love her, at least how my brain sees it. I guess I ask because she feels that it’s not love that I have.