Weird out of context lines

[Misery]

Okay, it's time for some humor. Because I said so, that's why.

So here are some lines that I took from various places, that make sense in context but make zero sense on their own.

Here we go:


Reduced the volume of farts from Jupiter

With a somersaulting cheese factory, I can get triple the cheese output and get NINE cheese chakra!

The next day they found 37 clowns under their porch.

Said bad result was Tarzan: A creepy little man who would splat against the screen or hit an elephant.

But they can also die in some unexpectedly horrific ways, such as (but not limited to) being consumed by fungus, or leaping from the tank and being mistaken as a discarded banana by an innocent child.

Please dont call 911 in the future for fried chicken mishaps.

He was three ghosts, but now he is one businessman, because of money's curse.

It is no longer possible for the AI to plot to assassinate itself (unless they are a lunatic)

But that was not a monkey. That was a Foundation operative undercover in Sarajevo to watch out for anomalous Matryoshka dolls in the area.

Send forward our lowest ranking soldiers on a full scale assault to enemy territory. Any one that makes it shall become an exact duplicate of my wife!

The game could be played by a group of those drinky bird toys hovering over your keyboard.

That lawless muppet wouldnt stay in its baby cage, okay?

You will no longer be told that you cant befriend your new friend just because they're now your friend.

That peasant could burst, given the right timing.


There we go, you're welcome.

 

[Nervous Rex]

“This is not just drivel,” she exulted. “It’s pure drivel.” The butterflies in my stomach sopranoed a chorus of “Hallelujah.”

That night, we celebrated with a champagne dinner for two, and I told her that her skin was the color of fine white typing paper held in the sun and reflecting the pink of a New Mexican adobe horse barn.

The next two months were heaven. I no longer just published drivel; I was now writing it.

- Steve Martin, Pure Drivel

 

[Qoyote]

I've kept a folder of stupid screenshots for years, this is right up my alley.

Searching database. Result negative. Vegan dialect not supported.

Your experience has value BUT...

You're a polar bear, right? Use your frost breath to turn me into an ice cube so future generations can thaw me out and marvel at my same-length legs!

I have been a powerful empress who rejects all cold calls.

After all, a cow has four legs and fur and is about the same size as a Great Dane. (that one wasn't meant to be funny but come on)

Stopping a revolution in some postage stamp country doesn't sound like a job for the Fantastic Four!

I have nothing to do with any of these things... My father named me after this man. He probably didn't understand what Adolf Hitler stood for.

Son, this is your mayor. I pronounce my name "balls".

Why? We thought nobody would buy our 17.6 lb, 3-inch tungsten cube. We were so, so wrong.

The company's XCheck system has protected Donald Trump, Doug the Pug, and other "influential" figures.

It was an unprecedented alliance between Indian and Pakistani gamers.

And while the setting was attended by all the usual ceremony and paraphernalia of a national political gathering, the actual proceedings were suggestive of a love feast.

ew hes a woman-beater, necrophiliac, AND he's ugly

Let's get a general view of people's tastes in music. (Note: J-Rock, J-Pop and Visual Kei are not actual genres)

Everyone Has A Baby Yoda That Matches Their Personality -- Order Some Food From Chick-Fil-A To Reveal Yours (I swear it's the truth, that was a real quiz)

He had kind of a British accent, he was like 5'2", told us he was a former ballroom dancer. Really a scary little guy. He used to say, "I'm the King of the Comics, I'm the King of the Comics, I'm the King of the Comics". We couldn't stop him.

If you were to ask me which has kept me up more in the past three years -- my actual children or this pasta shape -- it'd be a tough call."

I show no partiality in terms of sexual bias. I am an equal rights justice dispenser!

This Guy Changed My ife , not just mine . But , about 200mil guys too . He is Sadhguru. Check Him Out , And Be Blown

Why can't he just be a human? Or if you have to label -- why can't he just be a Christian?

COVID-19 Might Make Your Sperm Not Work, But Zinc Could Fix It

LeBron is guilty of fraud.

 

[Fino]

Wait, why did so many people "like" the post rather than "funny"? This is not my first time being baffled by member ratings, and it won't be my last.

 

[Qoyote]

Wait, why did so many people "like" the post rather than "funny"? This is not my first time being baffled by member ratings, and it won't be my last.

What about how Friendly's completely different from every other rating, you'd think it means the post is friendly but instead it means the rater wants to comfort the poster.

 

[Misery]

Wait, why did so many people "like" the post rather than "funny"? This is not my first time being baffled by member ratings, and it won't be my last.

And I must take this moment to point out the existence of a "creative" under this post of yours.

There is no logic in this place.

 

[Suzette]

I have nothing to contribute but I am enjoying the show!

 

[Nervous Rex]

And I must take this moment to point out the existence of a "creative" under this post of yours.

Just because you said that, I flagged your comment as "creative". I laughed out loud when I saw that two other people also did.

There is no logic in this place.

Nope. But you started it.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Nonsense phrases pop into my head when I get into a certain "vegging out" state. It's usually when I'm playing a mindless casual game (think minesweeper or solitaire). It's like my speech processing center doesn't have anything to do, so it goes to sleep and starts dreaming.

I sometimes recognize some of phrases as things I've heard people say and I guess my brain just wants to rehash it some more. Others are truly random things that I'm certain no one has ever said. The words will pop into my head and I'll just think, "Where the heck did that come from?" I've never written them down, but maybe I should - I usually try to avoid that "vegging out" state because of this effect.

Bottom line is, at any time, I can apparently turn into a fairly decent random n̶u̶m̶b̶e̶r̶noun generator.

 

[Fino]

What about how Friendly's completely different from every other rating, you'd think it means the post is friendly but instead it means the rater wants to comfort the poster.

I think it can also mean you appreciate the person, such as when they compliment you.