Welp, here I am.

[UsernameTaken]

Hey.

Guess I'm new here. I'm gonna cut the usual introduction stuff and jump straight to the point; life is freakin' hard for me. I've tried multiple other forums and gotten nothing out of them. They're all talking about how they're proud of being aspies and how it makes them who they are. The overly sugary positive vibe of those places really makes me feel left out and as if somehow being autistic doesn't cause any problems with everyday life, etc etc. The truth is, I am also proud of who I am, as an aspie. But, being an aspie makes my life difficult. It's a disability, in the true sense of the word.

I've gotten over depression. I've stopped being whiny and sad; and these days moreso I feel angry and cheated rather than sad about stuff. I have so much hate towards the world, towards a society of generally fake, plastic, unfeeling and uncaring people who have nothing else to think about but what goes on in their tiny minds and celebrity driven world. I have a nice supporting family, but I can't help but snap at them and everyone else. So most of the time I avoid others. The only person who I can stand is my Girlfriend who also has Aspergers. And even so, I need time alone from her.

I take the bus to college every morning and unless I dress like everybody else I get stares; and judged. I feel like I'm surrounded by morons, all the damn time. Everywhere I look I just see wastes of space. I've got so much hatred within me, for humanity and people in general. They shun me, I shun them. Why should I be decent to others if the whole world is cold and unfeeling towards me? I've tried compromise; dressing like everybody else, listening to their music, watching their TV, and talking to them about their pointless trivial matters; and it just brings me deep sadness and a sense of emptiness. It seems as if the only way out for me is being a drone, a sheep. A goddamn sheep.

As you can probably tell, I'm not very happy right now. Infact no matter how good my life is, I can never seem to be happy. Something is always missing or wrong in some way.

I need a lie down and some shots of whiskey.

 

[King_Oni]

Hi and welcome to Aspiescentral.

I can identify with some things you describe and of I, just as anyone else have my ****** days. However, that doesn't make it so that I have to take a piss at everyone else because life is difficult. Yes, of course it's difficult and I'm not all for a sugary vibe at all. However, if you are already against a good vibe and a positive outlook towards certain things in life I don't know if any forum will help you. I haven't been to a lot of other autism forums besides this one, another one and a national one from where I'm from, but on all those forums the vibe is somewhat the same. Yes some have more pleasant members or atmosphere, but it's a support forum meant to make people feel somewhat better, give them directions and advice. Giving people a lot of negative advice and telling them "life sucks" isn't helping others, nor yourself in terms of keeping a somewhat positive demeanor.

That being said; It won't be fair to let someone like you, who has gotten a lot of disappointment in life, not take part in this online community and I (and probably others) are certainly curious to hear why it looks like you get bad end of... well, life.

So if you wish to, join in on discussions and see if people might offer some advice that is useful to you. Yes, some stuff might be sugar-coated but most posts are more than just that.

 

[UsernameTaken]

Hi and welcome to Aspiescentral.

I can identify with some things you describe and of I, just as anyone else have my ****** days. However, that doesn't make it so that I have to take a piss at everyone else because life is difficult. Yes, of course it's difficult and I'm not all for a sugary vibe at all. However, if you are already against a good vibe and a positive outlook towards certain things in life I don't know if any forum will help you. I haven't been to a lot of other autism forums besides this one, another one and a national one from where I'm from, but on all those forums the vibe is somewhat the same. Yes some have more pleasant members or atmosphere, but it's a support forum meant to make people feel somewhat better, give them directions and advice. Giving people a lot of negative advice and telling them "life sucks" isn't helping others, nor yourself in terms of keeping a somewhat positive demeanor.

That being said; It won't be fair to let someone like you, who has gotten a lot of disappointment in life, not take part in this online community and I (and probably others) are certainly curious to hear why it looks like you get bad end of... well, life.

So if you wish to, join in on discussions and see if people might offer some advice that is useful to you. Yes, some stuff might be sugar-coated but most posts are more than just that.

On the internet I'm generally friendly towards people. I do indeed ***** about stuff online quite alot; but that's because my parents get mad at me whenever I talk about my feelings. I don't talk about my negative feelings towards the friends I do have because I wanna keep them and I've noticed acting depressed around people just pushes them away.
I've developed alot of awareness and maturity as of late, due to many complex and unfortunate circumstances which I will not go into detail about here, but even so I still feel completely disconnected and isolated from the world.

I guess that's just part of being an aspie or something.

 

[Jesse]

Welcome to AspiesCentral. I think it that general feeling of disconnection and isolation is part of being an Aspie. Your age probably doesn't help either as teenage years are difficult for everyone. Being an Aspie isn't all plain sailing and it does present its challenges - but it's far from all bed either.
I've personally never particularly minded standing out from the crowd but I can understand why you feel uncomfortable if you are aware of people staring. I look forward to seeing you post on the forums.

Have you been in contact with the national Autistic Society? I attend one of their social groups in the NE UK which has helped me to realise I'm not alone.

 

[simplify]

I take the bus to college every morning and unless I dress like everybody else I get stares; and judged. I feel like I'm surrounded by morons, all the damn time. Everywhere I look I just see wastes of space. I've got so much hatred within me, for humanity and people in general. They shun me, I shun them. Why should I be decent to others if the whole world is cold and unfeeling towards me? I've tried compromise; dressing like everybody else, listening to their music, watching their TV, and talking to them about their pointless trivial matters; and it just brings me deep sadness and a sense of emptiness. It seems as if the only way out for me is being a drone, a sheep. A goddamn sheep.

Sounds like you need to find new friends. I know that's not very useful advice and hard to do. I've never befriended "normal" people which sounds like what you're trying to do. I have been fortunate enough to have some sort of "strange attractor" so I naturally draw in and befriend weird people who, in turn, are interesting. Not a whole lot of people, only a few every year, but it's helped. "Normal" people probably find me dull and the feeling is mutual.

The way I feel about friendship is that it's a negotiated process. You will never find someone who you like perfectly just the way they are, and they like you perfectly just the way you are. There will always be some negotiation, where you compromise on a few things and they compromise on a few things, and I think that's normal and OK. If someone demands a compromise that is so great you can't handle it, then it's a friendship that probably won't work. And vice versa.

So if people really expect you to change how you dress, what you like, what you care about, and they refuse to care about anything you do, then it just won't work because there's no common ground. And friendship is all about finding common ground, something that you can share with another, and those are the things you build on. Obviously this can be harder if you interests are uncommon, but that just means other people who share those interests will be just as keen on finding you as you are on finding them. I think that's what I mean by "strange attractor". Hope this helps.